Improving the quality of our sex life can have a major impact on the quality of our overall mental and physical well-being. It is the reason why sex professionals like myself are always excited to share sex tips and secrets with you! As a matter of fact, the secret to having great sex goes into the little details and actions that make the biggest difference in the quality of your sex life. We can explore sex secrets based on three different parts: foreplay, intercourse, and after sex.
Foreplay is the moment where all of the excitement and fun starts! Gentlemen, pay attention to this part because this is the part that the ladies love! For many who are shy, foreplay can be an awkward and intimidating experience but my secret advice is: fake it until you gain confidence! As perplexing as it may sound, having confidence in what you do will make you look attractive even if you have no clue what you are doing! Talk and act like you know what you are doing and over time you will eventually build that natural confidence. Starting sex off with confidence will help you more easily discover what stimulates your partner because each individual has different arousal points and preferences.
The great thing about foreplay is that it is not something to be rushed through. Take this time to slowly tease and explore your partner. If you feel nervous, wipe the sweat off your palms and take a deep breath! Let the nerves be excitement rather than fear. Do not feel as if you must desensitize yourself to the exhilaration of sex! What fun would sex be if it didn’t spark your senses of excitement and bewilderment!
The female anatomy also takes more time to get “turned-on” in comparison to that of men. On average it takes a woman 15 minutes to become fully aroused and ready for sex! Just like a beautiful flower, you must let her slowly bloom. Therefore, you can slow down foreplay by slowly or coyly undressing your partner one piece at a time. As you slowly lift up her shirt, softly kiss her side. As you gently unbutton her pants, kiss her navel and trace down with your lips. You can also make eye contact as you do this. Use your eyes to tease! Create anticipation! The secret weapon to foreplay is the anticipation or the absence of action in waiting for something new to happen. It is a deeply sensual and erotic aspect that many women deem as their number one turn-on!
In addition to the above, as you explore her body make mental notes. You can also integrate oral sex into the foreplay. Note where your partner gets chills down her body or where she satisfyingly moans as you mix up the moves. Try kissing or using the tip of your tongue to lightly brush against sensitive areas of her body such as the ears. Ears are another part of your body that can be easily aroused given all of the tiny embedded nerve-endings and synapses ready to shoot tingles and shivers down our spine! If there is any particular area that is extremely sensitive or ticklish, I recommend taking the other person’s hand and putting it palm-down on the ticklish area, then holding their hand until the ticklish sensation sizzles down a notch.
Remember, sex is not always 100% perfect. If you make a mistake or have a hiccup just laugh and move on, do not let it get in the way of your momentum. Use the confidence to brush it off and continue with what you were doing or intended to do.
The act of transitioning to the bed holds another vault of secrets. Take your partner by the hand, squeeze their hand, make eye contact, and then lead them into the bedroom. This is a great way to take control. It shows dominance in a subtle and attractive way.
There are also a number of things you can plan for and set-up in advance. For instance, I keep a wet-wipe by the bed for during-sex or after-sex clean up because sex can get messy! Sanitize your sex toys prior to intercourse so that you do not ruin the mood by making your partner wait for you to clean your toys just before having intercourse. Also, sanitize your lube to bottle for those who apply the lube directly from the bottle to the genital area. Another great tip is to place a sheet over the bed to prevent the bed sheets and comforter from getting spoiled or dirty! The useful part of that is when intercourse is completed you simply pull the sheet off, throw it in the hamper and jump right to cuddling!
As you are engaged in intercourse, make eye contact with your partner. Look them in the eyes to let them know that you appreciate having them and that the moment feels amazing. There is a lot that can “said” through the eyes, whether it is a lusty gaze or a look that pierces right into their heart to say “I love you!”.
For couples that have never used a sex toy and want to explore, first start off with a simple vibrator. Find a vibrator that is no longer than 6 inches in length with easy-to-control changes in vibration speed such as a simple slimline vibrator. You do not need to get anything that is too advanced such as the dildos that twirl and thrust. Avoid vibrators that contain BPA or phthalates which are harmful to the body. In addition, avoid unknown sellers on the internet and stick to reputable brands with positive customer reviews. If you have multiple partners, I highly recommend using sex toys with a condom and applying lube to the hands instead of directly to the genitals to prevent cross-contamination.
Personally, I believe that cuddling is an integral part of sex. Cuddling can also even happen during intercourse. In fact, it allows a couple to pace themselves. It is especially handy for men who may be afraid of finishing too fast. During the intercourse, you can pause to take a break and use that time to cuddle. After cuddling for a few minutes to cool down, you can then get back to action.
What I love about cuddling is that it is time to build genuine intimacy. The time when you get to trace lazy fingers on their skin through the landscape of their body while talking about random things or asking each other questions that enable you to get to know each other better. You can ask your partner questions like: “what do you like?”, “what turns you on?”, or “do you like it when I do this?”. You can even ask your partner if there is something that they would like for you to do more or better in the bedroom! For instance, if she says “I like it when you put her fingers here…”, you can respond by actually doing it which possibly leads to more bedroom action!
Remember that you can also help your partner with the after-sex cleanup. This is where the wet-wipes come in! It can also be a very sweet and thoughtful act if you tell her that you picked up a bottle of vaginal wash for her from the pharmacy store! It is important for men to allow their ladies to get cleaned up as soon as possible after the intercourse to prevent UTIs, yeast infections or other unwanted conditions that women are more susceptible to getting. Another great option is to hop into the shower with her for more fun and intimacy before jumping back in bed for more cuddling or falling asleep together!
Have sexual education questions? Want to know how to spice things up in the bedroom? Want to book some time with me? Send me an email! [email protected]