Big Albowski didn't get a good night's sleep last night. Because of all the TV commercials, he thinks he has larconepsy. His friends tell him to relax, because he's just a typochondriac.
@Lunch Buffett got so drunk he tried to qualify his 1989 Ford Escort for the Daytona 500 hitting a whopping 62 mph
Big Albowski won the pole position for the Daytona 500 with the top speed of 250 miles per hour. Unfortunately, he was disqualified in technical inspection when they found a rocket engine in the trunk of his car.
@BigAlbowski has the largest teddy bear collection in the United States. Only its literally teddy bears. Bears of various species roam around his house wearing teddy lingerie of various colors and types. Grizzly bears in red lace teddies, panda bears in white teddies, black bears in purple V-neck teddies... His collection masterpiece is a polar bear wearing a black leather teddy he named "snuggles"
@Natasha Star used to work at the Smithsonian Museums but was fired for making paper airplanes with priceless historical documents.
Oh! No one knew about that! You outed me!! They were really miffed over the wonderful paper plane I made from William Steinway's 1861 Diary pages. That plane soared over fifty feet!! The reason @BigAlbowski knows about this, is because he was the documents curator at the time and suggested to my boss it would be amusing to fold my termination letter into an airplane and fly it to my desk. It was a pretty awesome way to go.
@Natasha Star is a tattoo artist and had done 95% of Maroon 5's Adam Levine's body art that was proudly displayed at the Super Bowl!
@BigAlbowski was the choreographer for the ill-fated Super Bowl XXXVIII halftime show in 2004. Janet Jackson's "wardrobe malfunction" haunts him to this day.
@Lily Poole used to own a swimming pool installation and maintenance business employing dozens of people. But one day it rained frogs and lily pads, filling all her stock and clients pools. She decided to retire, and took the name of the last two things she saw as she left her business behind, one of her pools, and a lily in it.
@Natasha Star has been playing a game of hide and seek since she was 8 and has avoided her friend Judy ever since!
Never give up! Never Surrender! @BigAlbowski used to be a cage fighter in Caracas, but he was so good, he made more money than Maduro and he was tossed from the country. Now he moonlights as a body guard. (My hero!)
@Natasha Star has the most beautiful body I have ever guarded... wait this is supposed to be a lie... um.. she is hideous.. YUCK...
Natasha Star has told so many silly lies that snopes.com setup a local office in the Sagebrush parlor! Happy Precedents Day!
@Lunch Buffett could not make it to the Sagebrush ranch for his date with @Natasha Star because he was holding Golden Corral hostage because they would not let him eat from their all you can eat buffet.
@grizzly has designed a series of high speed bullet trains from various U.S. Cities that all lead only to Carson City! New York to Reno in 30 minutes!
Wow!! I've had whole parties in less time! @BigAlbowski trains guinea pigs as stunt pilots for media and movies. Demand is high, but his pop tart addiction has seriously diminished his business potential.
@Natasha Star was really raised by a pack of wolves...Some nights if you are lucky when the moon is full you will catch her out back in fur howling at the moon, yearning to return to her pack
@grizzly has a basement floor covered with miniature buildings and daily dresses like Godzilla to destroy it.... some cope with stress in their own ways!
@BigAlbowski has a secret closet full of leather pants and silk ball gowns & feather boas and a huge theatrical makeup mirror and lighting. On certain nights you if you are lucky you will find Big Al strutting the runway at the local drag bar belting out karaoke tunes, he is know as the Fabulous Alyssa....and dreams of making it to Broadway someday
@BigAlbowski was a famous circus performer in high dive and trapeze in a Russian circus before a cirque du solei performer cut one end of the rope one night out of jealousy. He hung on tight and swung around the tent. A movie producer in the audience was so impressed by his bellowing as he swung about, he hired him on the spot for the upcoming Tarzan film remake.
@Natasha Star used to be a world famous bobsledder and had a shot at Olympic glory but a tragic slip on a banna peel at the start of the competition ended her shot at Olympic glory and ended her career. You can read all about it in her upcoming biography titled The Curse of the Banna peel.
Grizzly spent a lot of time to build wealth and gain influence. He used his riches to build a time machine. He sent a person back in time with instructions to find his younger self and deliver a message. The message said "To Grizzly 2019: I've taken the world down a dark and dangerous path. Only you can prevent this future. From Grizzly 2039." Seems like an odd message to send back!
@BigAlbowski has been through the Stargate. But his mission details are so classified, when he told me, I had to change my identity. And move to this planet.
Everyone on social media is fascinated by the Natasha Star challenge. In random YouTube videos, there's footage of Natasha encouraging college students to drink alcoholic beverages and then take off all their clothes and run around naked. When confronted with her sinister videos, Natasha said "I don't understand what the fuss is about. Those college students engaged in that behavior long before I made that video. And they'll continue with that behavior long after they've forgotten about my video."
@Lunch Buffett has been given Scarlet Johansson's phone number but is too shy to call her because she may beat him up Black Widow style!!!
@BigAlbowski is such a fan of Barney, he had a Purple Dinosaur costume made and can be found singing the Barney theme song. He also owns a huge Barney collection and goes to parties dressed as Barney to the delight and sometimes horror of kids. Coming soon to a Brothel near you.
@grizzly dresses like a leprechaun every year at St. Patrick's Day and pulls down ladies' pants and skirts claiming to be searching for a Pot of Gold!
@BigAlbowski likes to race. He bought a high end sports car, and competes in races every weekend against the same people. At first, he went up against an SUV. The next weekend, they came back with sedans. The weekend afterward, they were on motorcycles. This weekend, they used a helicopter. Eventually, those police officers that keep upgrading their rides are gonna give up!! Go Big Al Go!!
Natasha Star recently held a Skittles party for all of her friends. The police heard about the party, so they're thinking "Skittles party? Isn't that where people bring drugs to a party and put it into a bowl. Everyone takes whatever pills they want from the bowl." So they raided the party. They seized a bowl filled with candy Skittles. They also found a bag of Skittles in Natasha's car, so they seized the car. Due to civil asset forfeiture, Natasha never saw the bowl or the car again.
Wow this sounds just about right while I was just next door waiting for my invitation. I seen @Lunch Buffett partaking with all his clothes off and mmmmmhhhh he isn't shy ladies!
@DesertRose is actually not human, she originally is from the planet Zebulon. She was sent to Earth in Human form to study mating rituals, however her ship broke & she has no way to return to her home planet and she cannot get any uranium to fix her ship which powers the transponder to summon the mothership.