Ed and Dorothy met while on a singles cruise and Ed fell head over heels for her. When they discovered they lived in the same city only a few miles apart, Ed was ecstatic. He immediately started asking her out when they got home. Within a couple of weeks, Ed had taken Dorothy to dance clubs, restaurants, concerts, movies, and museums. Ed became convinced that Dorothy was indeed his soul mate and true love. Every date seemed better than the last. On the one-month anniversary of their first dinner on the cruise ship, Ed took Dorothy to a fine restaurant. While having cocktails and waiting for their salad, Ed said, "I guess you can tell I'm very much in love with you. I'd like a little serious talk before our relationship continues to the next stage. So, before I get a box out of my jacket and ask you a life changing question, it's only fair to warn you, I'm a total golf nut. I play golf, I read about golf, I watch golf on TV. In short, I eat, sleep, and breathe golf. If that's going to be a problem, for us, you'd better say so now!" Dorothy took a deep breath and responded, "Ed, that certainly won't be a problem. I love you as you are and I love golf too; but, since we're being totally honest with each other, you need to know that for about the last five years I've been a hooker." "I see," Ed replied thoughtfully. He looked down at the table, and was quiet for a moment, deep in serious thought then he added, "You know, it's probably because you're not keeping your wrists straight when you hit the ball."
One day a man went on a buissness trip to Florida. He had saw this hooker and he asked "How much for a hand job?" The hooker replied "100 Bucks" The man said "100 Bucks, That's a lot of got damn money" So the hooker pulled him to the side and said "See that Mercedes, I paid for that by giving hand jobs." So he gave her the money and received the best hand he had ever had. The next day he sees her and asks "How much for a blow job?" She said "200 dollars" "200 dollars that's a lot of money" She pulled him to the side and said "You see that yahat by the pier, I paid for that yahat by giving blow jobs." So he gives her the money, and get the best blow job of his life On hist last day in Florida he returns to the hooker and says "The hand job was good, the blow job was great how much for the whole package." "1000 dollars' "1000 dollars that's a lot of god damn money" So she pulled him to side and said "You see that island, I could afford that if i had a pussy."
Doesn't apply to any of the Bunnies, but funny nonetheless: This guy was walking down the street and this hooker says, "Say, wanna have a good time?" "Sure," he says and they were off to the nearest motel. She takes off her clothes and he keeps staring at her. She says, "Is this the first pussy you seen since you crawled out of one?" The guy says, "Nope, just the first one I've seen big enough to crawl back into."
One more joke, enjoy ! As you all have probably heard Nevada has now given approval for the first male prostitute. His “professional” name is “Marcus” and he wants to make this his living as a gigolo not a prostitute. The difference is in his presentation. As a gigolo for a $100 he’ll offer the client conversation, companionship and romance. For $200 he’ll offer passion, love and sex. For $300 he’ll offer hard-core, down and dirty sex. As a prostitute he’ll slap them around, have them perform on him, take all their money and then throw them out!!!
This guy has a spare $10 that he decides to spend on his first hooker ever. He goes out, he gets one, then he brings her home. They have hours of hardcore sex. Then she leaves when he falls asleep. The next morning, he wakes up and discovers that he has crabs, he goes and finds the hooker again and says, "Hey, Bitch, you gave me crabs!" She replies, "Well for $10 what did you expect, Lobsters?"
Heres one it's called Paying The Prostitute Three friends decided to visit a prostitute. It was a slow night, So she gave the guys a deal. "You can pay by the inch." When the first man comes back out his friends ask, "How much did she charge you?" "$75 dollars," said the first. The second guy goes in and returns with a fee of $85. The first two were proud of their prowess. The third man goes in and returns, "How much did she charge you?" ask the first two. "$20 dollars" replies the third. The first two start laughing hysterically. "Hey guys," replied the third, "I'm not so stupid, I paid on the way out instead of on the way in!"
Hard To Handle This guy goes into a hore house and gives the lady at the front desk $500 and tells her that he wants a woman that can handle him. She replies, go down the hall and its the second door on the right. He does and just as they get started she starts screaming from the pain. He then marches back to the front desk and tell the woman that he said he wanted a woman that could handle him. She says, ok go down the hall and its the third door on the left. He does and once again the woman starts screaming just as they get started. Then he goes back to the front desk and she says I know I know you want a women that can handle you. She says, ok ok this time go all the way down the hall and down the stairs, there won't be any lights so just feel around til you hit something wet and stick it in. He does this and just as they get started nothing happens there isn't any screaming. Well he thinks, finally, this could work. As he gets into it he shouts "Oh yea, talk to me baby". She replies "MOOOOOO"!
ok, i got one. So one day here at the ranch 2 girls went to the kitchen to get some food, but the real question was how many hookers does it take to cook an egg lol=) y'all would have had to have been there. It took them 3 times to cook a perfect egg=) lol
A man on a business trip to Las Vegas heard about how good the Las Vegas prostitutes were so on his first night there, he decided he would go out and try his luck. He walked outside his hotel and looked up and down the street and saw an attractive girl standing on the corner. He approached her and asked her if she is working tonight and sure enough she said "Meet me in room 804 across the street." He was in luck. She was a knockout. They got to the room and he sat down anxiously on the edge of the bed. She asked him what he wanted and he thought for a second, then said "How much for a hand job?" She said, "300". His eyes popped open and he asked "300?" She said, "Walk over to that window and open the curtains". He proceeded. "See that motel down there? I own it, and I didn't inherit it. I'm that good." He was like, "well go right ahead honey". So she proceeded to give him the best hand job he ever had. After a little rest he thought, if that was that good...."How much for a blow job?" She said "600". OH MY GOD!! was his reply. She told him to walk back over to the window. "See that 15 story hotel? I own it and I didnt inherit it. I'm that good." He said "Well get to work then sweetie." And sure enough he got the best blow job he ever received. After a little "rebuilding" time he thought, if that was that good...."How much for sex?" She chuckled and said, "Honey, I'd own this whole damned town if only I had a pussy."
This guy was walking down the street and this hooker says, "Say, wanna have a good time?" "Sure," he says and they were off to the nearest motel. She takes off her clothes and he keeps staring at her. She says, "Is this the first pussy you seen since you crawled out of one?" The guy says, "Nope, just the first one I've seen big enough to crawl back into."
A 90-year-old sea captain goes into a whorehouse. "Look captain, are you sure you're up to this?" Asked the Madam doubtfully. The captain assured her he was, paid his money, and was soon upstairs with one of the house's best girls humping away. "How am I doing?" Captain asked the lady. "Well Captain, you're doing about four knots." "Four knots? What does that mean?" "You're not up, you're not hard, you're not in, and you're not getting your money back!"
A man goes to a $10 hooker and contracts crabs. When he goes back to complain, the hooker laughs and says, "What do you expect for $10 -- lobster?"
there were two prostitutes walking down the street.. One of them said "Ooh girl we are going to make some money today because i can smell dick" The other said " Oops I just burped."
An old sailor goes to a brothel, where he chooses his girl and begins." How am I doing?" He asks." Three knots," she replies." Three knots? What's that mean?" "You're not hard, you're not in, and you're not getting your money back."
A hooker comes home to her pimp. He asks her how much she made that night. She tells him $79. and 10 cents .. He asks her who gave him 10 cents.......She says "everyone"..ouch
Two lesbians came and brought their new neighbor a nice rolex in a gift box. When he asked why they said, we heard when you found out we were lesbians you wanna watch.
LMAO! These are hilarious! Thanks everyone for the laughs! I shall return with some prostitute jokes soon!
I'm available at ALIEN CATHOUSE Dec 4th - Dec 19th!! <a class="postlink" href="http://aliencathouse.com/g.i.-jen---alien-cathouse.html" onclick="window.open(this.href);return false;">http://aliencathouse.com/g.i.-jen---alien-cathouse.html</a> G. I. J E N ♥ <a class="postlink" href="https://twitter.com/GIJEN_VEGAS" onclick="window.open(this.href);return false;">https://twitter.com/GIJEN_VEGAS</a> [email protected] [email protected] AREA 51 Alien Cathouse 2711 E Highway 95 Amargosa Valley, NV 89020 12/4 - 12/19!!
An Irish daughter had not been home for over five years, and upon her return her father cursed her, asking “Where have ye been all this time? Why did ye not write to us, not even a line? Why didn’t ye call? Can ye not understand what ye put yer old mum thru?” The girl, crying, replied, “Dad, I couldn’t bear to tell you… I became a call girl.” “And what would that be, then?” The girl hesitated, then stammered through her tears, “It’s a kind of prostitute.” “A what! Out of here, ye ungrateful little baggage! You’re a disgrace to this family!” “OK, Dad — as ye wish. I just came back to give mum this fur coat, brother Kevin this gold Rolex and you this Mercedes convertible. I also wanted to invite you to spend Christmas with me on my yacht on the Riviera, and to move into my ten-bedroom mansion afterward.” The father hesitated, then asked tentatively, “Now what did ye say a call girl was again?” The girl softly said, “A kind of prostitute!” “Oh! Sweet Jesus! Come here and give yer old man a hug, girl; ye scared me half to death! I thought ye said a kind of Protestant
Why do prostitutes make more money than drug dealers? Because they can wash their crack and sell it again! :lol:
