Got any good ones, here's mine Two prostitutes were riding around town with a sign on top of their car that said: "TWO PROSTITUTES -- $50.00." A policeman stopped them and told them they'd either have to remove the sign or go to jail. Just then, another car passed with a sign saying, "JESUS SAVES." One of the girls asked the cop, "Why don't you stop them?" "Well, that's a little different," the cop smiled. "Their sign pertains to religion." The two ladies frowned as they took their sign down and drove off. The following day the cop noticed the same two ladies driving around with a large sign on their car again. This time the sign read: "TWO ANGELS SEEKING PETER -- $50.00."
A lesbian goes into a brothel and asks for the prettiest, youngest girl available. The owner replies, " Sorry, I don't sell minors to a licker."
A hooker went to file her taxes, and for occupation she wrote "prostitute." The tax collector told her that prostitution was an illegal occupation. She says, "I'll go home and think about it and be back in an hour." An hour later she comes back and says, " I got it! I'm a chicken farmer." The tax collector says, " How did you get chicken farmer from prostitution? " She says, " Last year I raised over a thousand cocks. "
Hell yeah. They can even raise cocks over the internet. They're the only chicken farmers I know of, who can do that.
One day a boy walks to his bus stop and sees a prostitute standing on the corner across from him. The prostitute waggles her little finger at the boy and says, "Hi, little boy." The next day the boy returns to the bus stop and sees the prostitute across the street again. Again the prostitute waggles her little finger at him and says, "Hi, little boy." On the the third day the boy sees the prostitute and she repeats her greeting of waggling her finger and saying hi. The boy crosses the street and asks why she greets him like that each day. The prostitute grabs her little fing her and says, "This is how big I think your little peepee is." Thiursday morning, the boy gets to the bus stop and there is the prostitute with the usual greeting, waggling her little finger she says, "Hi, little boy." This time the boy puts his fingers in his mouth and pulls his mouth open as wide as he can and replies, "Hi, lady."
Re: NEW Hooker Jokes One day, a man walks into a whorehouse and says, ''Give me your most dangerous whore.'' The clerk says, ''She's in room 3A.'' The man goes to room 3A and sees a woman with a black leather suit, whips and chains. The whore says she wants to have sex on the peak of the roof. The man quickly agrees. They go to the roof and go at it for a while, and then they both fall off the roof, still ''together.'' They land on the sidewalk and die. A drunk man walks by, sees them together, and walks into the whorehouse. The desk clerk says, ''Hey! I thought I told you never to come back here again! Get out, now!'' To this, the drunk replies, ''I just came in here to tell you that your sign fell down.''
So this one is more of a house joke than hooker joke. This guy gets out of prison after 10 years and is handed all his belongings and 10 dollars. The first thing he can think of after all that time is sex. So the guy heads over to the first "Ranch" house he find and talks to the madame. She lets him know that for ten dollars all she can offer is the mystery room. Horny as he is he takes it. When he gets into the mystery room he sees a turkey in the middle of the room. After a little thought he reasons that he is horny beyond belief and nobody will ever know it was him. The ex-con has his way with the turkey and leaves the "Ranch". The guy gets a job and take his first pay of 20 dollars back to the ranch house. The madame leads him into a room that is pitch black with a bunch of holes in a wall. He walks up to a hole and sees this couple going at. He remarks, "That is pretty hot." the guy next to him says, "That's nothing. Last week there was a guy in there with a turkey."
Alan is very upset as he is writing his $3,200 monthly alimony check to his estranged ex-wife. His brother charlie walks in and says "Alan you are like an alzheimers victim in a whorehouse- constantly surprised you have been screwed and you don't want to pay for it."
Two old women sit on a park bench, feeding the pigeons. They happen to be across the street from a brothel. A rabbi enters the brothel. "That's terrible" says one woman. A police officer walks into the brothel. "What in the world? How awful. A officer of the law no less!" A priest strolls into the house of carnal delights. "How tragic. Isn't that sad? Somebody died." -------------------------------------------------------- (old but what the heck Two lawers in Vegas see the hottest looking prostitute soliciting her services. Lawyer 1: "Oh man, I would so love to screw her!" Lawer 2: "Out of what?"
A man met a beautiful lady and he decided he wanted to marry her right away. She said, "But we don't know anything about each other." He said, "That's all right, we'll learn about each other as we go along." So she consented, and they were married, and went on a honeymoon to a very nice resort. So one morning they were lying by the pool, when he got up off of his towel, climbed up to the 10 Meter board and did a two and a half-tuck gainer, this was followed by a three rotations in jackknife position, where he straightened out and cut the water like a knife. After a few more demonstrations, he came back and lay down on the towel. She said, "That was incredible!" He said, "I used to be an Olympic diving champion. You see, I told you we'd learn more about each other as we went along." So she got up, jumped in the pool, and started doing laps. After about thirty laps she climbed back out and lay down on her towel hardly out of breath. He said, "That was incredible! Were you an Olympic endurance swimmer?" "No," she said. "I was a hooker in Venice and I worked both sides of the Grand Canal."
I love this one. What about this? A young man and his date were parked on a back road some distance from town. They were about to have sex when the girl stopped. "I really should have mentioned this earlier, but I'm actually a hooker and I charge $200 for sex." The man reluctantly paid her, and they did their thing. After a cigarette, the man just sat in the driver's seat looking out the window. "Why aren't we going anywhere?" asked the girl. "Well, I should have mentioned this before, but I'm actually a taxi driver, and the fare back to town is $250..."
Two dwarfs go into a bar, where they pick up two prostitutes and take them to their separate hotel rooms. The first dwarf, however, is unable to get a stiffy. His depression is enhanced by the fact that, from the next room, he hears cries of, "ONE, TWO, THREE...UUUUH!" all night long. In the morning, the second dwarf asks the first, "How did it go?" The first whispered back, "It was so embarrassing. I just couldn't get a hard on." The second dwarf shook his head. "You think that's embarrassing?!!" he asked. "I couldn't even get on the bed!!!"
HAHAHA OH MY GOODNESS. Dennis the dwarf one is funny. I have friends in the "midget wrestling" world and I can't get that visual outta my head now of them counting 1-2-3 then JUMP. too funny........ HUGS & WET KISSES Melissa Nash (The Love Ranch Feb 18 - Mar 4th) :lol:
well then, Dennis you will just have to CUM AND LAUGH WITH ME when I get there. Melissa Nash (The Love Ranch Feb 18th - Mar 4th)
THIS GUY HAS AS SPARE $10.00 THAT HE DECIDES THAT HE TO SPEND ON FIRST HOOKER EVER. HE GOES OUT HE GETS ONE THEN HE BRINGS HER MOTEL THEY HAVE HARDCORE SEX THEN SHE LEAVES WHEN HE FALLS A SLEEP THE NEXT MORNING HE WAKE UP AND DISCOVERS THAT HE HAS CARBS HE GOES AND FINDS THE HOOKER AGAIN HEY YOU GIVE ME CRABS. SHE REPLIES WELL FOR $10.00 YOU EXPECT LOBSTERS
One day a hooker went to file her taxes, and for occupation she put prostitution. The tax collector explained that prostitution was an illegal occupation. She said she'd have to go home and think about it and that she'd call him back in a hour with her occupation. An hour later she called him and said, "I've got it... I'm a chicken farmer." He said, "How do you get chicken farmer out of prostitution." She said, "I raised over a thousand cocks last year."
Why do prostitutes make more money then drug dealers??? Because they can wash their crack and sell it again!!
Hooker Question Of The Day If someone has sex with a prostitute against her will, is it RAPE or is it SHOPLIFTING??
Two hookers were standing on a street corner ready for a night of business. "It's gonna be a good night, I can tell" says one of the girls. "How can you tell"? says the other. "I can smell cock in the air" replies the first hooker. "Sorry" , her friend replied, "I just burped!"
