A blonde and a brunette are skydiving. The brunette jumps out the plane and pulls the cord -- nothing happens. She pulls the emergency cord and still nothing. The blonde finally jumps out of the plane and yells "Oh! So you wanna race, huh?"
A blonde and a redhead met for dinner after work and were watching the 6 o'clock news. A man was shown threatening to jump from the Brooklyn Bridge. The blonde bet the redhead $50 that he wouldn't jump, and the redhead replied, "I'll take that bet!" Anyway, sure enough, he jumped, so the blonde gave the redhead the $50 she owned. The redhead said, "I can't take this, you're my friend." The blonde said, "No. A bet's a bet." So the redhead said, "Listen, I have to admit, I saw this one on the 5 o'clock news, so I can't take your money." The blonde replied, "Well, so did I, but I never thought he'd jump again!"
This is the story of the poor blonde flying in a two-seater airplane with just the pilot. He has a heart attack and dies. She frantically calls a May Day: “May Day! May Day! Help me! Help me! My pilot had a heart attack and is dead. And I don’t know how to fly. Help me! Please help me!” All of a sudden she hears a voice over the radio saying: “The is the tower. I have received your message and I will talk you through it. I’ve had a lot of experience with this kind of problem. Now, just relax. Everything will be fine! Now give me your height and position.” She says, “I’m 5’4″ and I’m in the front seat.” “O.K.” says the voice from the tower. “Repeat after me: Our Father. . . Who art in Heaven
A blonde decides she's going to go ice fishing. So she goes to the nearest lake, sets up her gear, and begins to drill a hole. Suddenly she hears a loud voice say, "There are no fish under the ice!" The blonde picks up her gear, moves to another spot, and begins to drill again. Again she hears the loud voice, "There are no fish under the ice!" The blonde moves her things, and again begins drilling in a new spot. Again, the voice booms, "There are no fish under the ice!" Terrified, the blonde cries out, "God, is that you?!" The voice responds, "No, this is the ice rink manager. There are no fish under the ice!"
A blonde stormed up to the front desk of the library and said, "I have a complaint!" "Yes, Ma'am?" said the librarian looking up at her. "I borrowed a book last week and it was horrible!" Puzzled by her complain the librarian asked "What was wrong with it?" "It had way too many characters and there was no plot whatsoever!" said the blonde. The librarian nodded and said, "Ahhh. So you must be the person who took our phone book."
A blonde was driving home after a game & got caught in a really bad Hailstorm.. Her car was covered with dents, so the next day she took it To a repair shop. The shop owner saw that she was a blonde, so he Decided to have some fun... He told her to go home and blow into the Tail pipe really hard, & all the dents would pop out. So, the blonde went home, got down on her hands & knees & started Blowing into her tailpipe.. Nothing happened.. So she blew a little Harder, & still nothing happened. Her blonde roommate saw her & asked, 'What are you doing?' The first Blonde told her how the repairman had instructed her to blow into the Tail pipe in order to get all the dents to pop out. The roommate rolled her eyes & said, 'Uh, like hello! You need to roll up the windows first.' Chili
A blonde & her husband are lying in bed Listening to the next door neighbor's dog.. It has been in the backyard barking for hours & hours. The blonde jumps up out of bed and says, "I've had enough of this". She goes downstairs. The blonde finally comes back up to bed And her husband says, "The dog is still barking, What have you been doing?" The blonde says, "I put the dog in our backyard, let's see how THEY like it! Chili
Did you hear about the two blondes who froze to death in a drive-in movie? They had gone to see 'Closed for the Winter.' Chili
Alright ! One more A blonde goes into work one morning crying her eyes out. Her boss asked sympathetically, 'What's the matter?' The blonde replies, 'Early this morning I got a phone call saying that My mother had passed away.' The boss, feeling sorry for her, says, 'Why don't you go home for the Day? Take the day off to relax & rest.' 'Thanks, but I'd be better off here. I need to keep my mind off it & I have the best chance of doing that here.' The boss agrees & allows the blonde to work as usual. A couple of hours pass & the boss decides to check on the blonde. He looks out from his office & sees the blonde crying hysterically... 'What's so bad now? Are you gonna be okay?' he asks 'No!' exclaims the blonde. 'I just received a horrible call from my sister. Her mother died, too!' Chili
Two blondes are working as copiers in a large office. All day long they see their brunette boss going to all kinds of meetings, sitting in her huge office, and telling everyone what to do. The blondes want to know why she gets to do all those things, and they're stuck making copies, and the first blonde decides to go ask: 1st Blonde: So how come you get to be the boss, and we have to do all kinds of little work? Brunette: It's because of something called intelligence. 1st Blonde: Intelligence? What's intelligence? Brunette: Well here's an example. (Brunette puts her hand against the breakroom fridge) Now I want you to punch my hand as hard as you can. (The blonde goes to punch her hand, but the brunette moves it at the last second and the blonde punches the refridgerator) That's intelligence. 1st Blonde: Oh I see! (Goes back to her friend) She says it's because of something called intelligence. 2nd Blonde: Intelligence? What's intelligence? 1st Blonde: Here, I'll show you! (Puts her hand in front of her face) Now I want you to punch my hand as hard as you can.
