RANCH SPECIAL Relationships: Part 1: Apology Languages

This is the first in a new series I will be posting about,
Relationships: How to improve your relationship? Part 1: Apology Languages

If you want to improve your relationships with the people around you, especially your romantic relationships, understanding Apology Languages can give you the tools to resolve conflict much more efficiently and bring you closer together.

Do this worksheet at home and see how it helps your intimacy, communication and relationships.

Apology Languages


Even if your partner apologizes, sometimes ‘I’m Sorry’ just isn’t enough. We each have our own expectations regarding what constitutes an appropriate apology. Determine which of the 5 Apology Languages below appeals the most to you. Then, find out which one is important to your partner.


Use the appropriate method of apology below for the apology and forgiveness activity.

1. Expressing Regret —"I am sorry for_____” Shows you know what you did wrong and why it hurt your partner. Must be from the heart.
   

This is your apology language if:

When your partner expresses a sincere, heart-felt apology you feel satisfied knowing that they understand what they did that displeased you and regret their actions.

1. Accepting Responsibility—"I was wrong." Shows that you admit your mistake or wrongdoing and take responsibility for it.
   

This is your apology language if:

When your partner apologizes, you know they are genuine when they take responsibility for their actions and admit they were wrong.

1. Making Restitution—"What can I do to make it right?" Shows that you love them and value reconciling the relationship.
   

This is your apology language if:

When you feel as though your partner has wronged you, you feel able to forgive them if they make a sincere effort to make it up to you. In fact, just offering puts you at ease.

1. Genuinely Repenting—"I'll try not to do that again." Shows that you genuinely want to change your behavior, you agree it is wrong.
   

This is your apology language if:

In order for you to fully forgive your partner, you need to confirm that he/she clearly knows what they did that offended you and that they will do everything in their power not to re-offend. You don’t want an apology;you want a change in action!

1. Requesting Forgiveness—"Will you please forgive me?" Shows that you want to be forgiven and you admit fault.
   

This is your apology language if:

When your partner directly asks you for forgiveness it shows you that they understand what they did and are sorry for it, and more importantly, they value your forgiveness



To determine which Apology Language you speak (some people have more than one!), ask yourself the following questions:


1.What do I expect the person to do or say that would make it possible for me to genuinely forgive them?



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2.What hurts me the most deeply about this situation?




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3.When I apologize to others, which of the five languages do I think is most important?




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Practicing Apology


Think back to something that you have done—that you know hurt your partner in some way—that you would like to apologize for and to be forgiven for. This exercise will be especially powerful if you choose a situation that you know your partner is still holding onto and that he/she would truly appreciate your apology.


One thing I want my partner to forgive me for is:


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My apology (remember to use your partner’s apology language as a guide):


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Apology/Forgiveness Dialogue


Sit down, face to face, knee-to-knee, and complete the following exercise. Decide who wants to be the first to make their apology. Read the dialogue aloud to your partner and then fill in the blank with your apology from above.


*Note: if your partner apologizes to you and you do not feel you can fully forgive them at this time, use the second Forgiver dialogue option below. You will want to discuss this issue in more detail at a later time. You may also benefit from working individually with a Life Coach before confronting the issue with your partner.



Partner 1 –The Apologizer“(Partner’s Name), there is something that I did that may have harmed you that has been weighing on me for some time. I would like to ask for your forgiveness.”Your apology (from above): “__________________________________"


Partner 2 –The ForgiverOption 1: “(Partner’s Name), I hear that you are asking for forgiveness for ___________ and I feel that you are sincere in your apology. I accept your apology and forgive you.”


*Option 2:“(Partner’s Name), I hear that you are asking for forgiveness for _________ and I feel that you are sincere in your apology. I appreciate your apology but I do not feel ready to forgive you at this time


Hope this helps!
Love, Hannah xoxo

P.S. I am a certified relationship, life, and intimacy coach, here to give you tips on strengthening your relationships! Working with couples to build on their beautiful foundations while also being open to growth is more important now than ever in a world where communication is impersonal; we need to invite intimacy back into our lives.

If you have any questions or are interested in scheduling a private session in person, just email me at [email protected]

Want the full PDF to print out and use at home?

Email me with the subject line “Relationships: How to improve yours? Part 1: Apology Languages PDF”

 

Thanks Hannah!@

I utilize the different phrases as needed per situation. Each situation is different.

But I generally always ask what is it I can do to make it right when I have hurt someone, (real or imagined by them) that caused any type of harm physical or emotional.

I always say it is better to ask forgiveness, rather than permission, when it comes to following the rules at work. air that case I always accept responsibility and promise not to do my infraction again

I don't think I will ever say "will you forgive me?" because whether that person forgives me not is not my problem. I can't control what others do or how they react. I am not responsible for that. I clean my side of the street and move on. They can process and move on or sit in that shitty diaper.

Some people just like to wear that dirty diaper of victim hood. They will sit in the dirty diaper, moosh it around, put their fingers in it and spread it around, throw it at the wall, make a stink (you get my point), and refuse to change that dirty diaper, and as such, develop a diaper rash called resentment. In that case I try to help the person see the whole situation with a better perspective. Stop being the victim and rather, any way you have to rewrite that tape in your head, just do it and make yourself victorious and not the victim.

Be free to love and be loved. Practice kindliness, tolerance and love. Do all things with love.

__ More original thoughts by Air force Amy

Thanks for the inspiration and the opportunity to spread love and ways to love and be loved.

 

Thank you for sharing your perspective on handling different situations and seeking resolution when there has been any harm caused, whether physical or emotional. It's commendable that you take responsibility for your actions and strive to make amends. Asking forgiveness rather than seeking permission can indeed be a proactive approach to rectifying any rule infractions at work.

You make a valid point about not being able to control others' reactions or whether they choose to forgive you. Focusing on cleaning your side of the street and moving forward is a wise approach. It's important to recognize that some individuals may choose to hold onto resentment or play the role of the victim, as you described with the analogy of a dirty diaper. Helping them gain a different perspective can be a compassionate way to guide them towards a more empowered and positive mindset.

Your emphasis on practicing kindliness, tolerance, and love is beautiful. By spreading love and encouraging others to do the same, we create an environment of compassion and understanding. Your insights and original thoughts are appreciated, and I'm grateful for the inspiration you've shared.

Thank you for contributing to our discussion and promoting love and ways to love and be loved. Let's continue to uplift one another and foster an atmosphere of kindness and acceptance.

 

Awesome info and thanks for sharing!!!

 

Thanks for sharing the knowledge girly xoxo