I am a 41 year old virgin. It is a pretty bold, attention grabbing first sentence, but it is true. I’m not ashamed of saying it, but if it gets brought up in discussion, I tend to get looks and stares that there must be something wrong with me. How does one go that long without sex? The answer is simple. I tend to go out of my way NOT to meet new people. I get nervous and scared when I have to talk to a stranger or be put in a situation where I do not know anyone. I have this dumb fear that if I let someone in, I will get hurt. I also get hung up on my appearance a lot and always think that if a woman is with me, she could probably do a lot better with someone else. When you are someone who thinks and acts this way, it shows that you lack confidence, which exemplifies me perfectly. The older I was getting, the more my virginity weighed on me, because I knew my first time was going to be awkward and I did not want to be laughed at our embarrassed. I bring this up because I had only ever kissed one woman in my life and I will fully admit that I was not very good at it. I’m shy around people that I don’t know (which is why I don’t go out on dates) and I’ve always been a person that is good at being friends with someone, but not anything more, as that way I cannot get hurt. I do my best to be open and honest with people and sometimes that is to my detriment. The only thing I knew at this point in my life was that I did not want to be a virgin anymore. I decided that I wanted to have my first sexual experience but I did not know with whom. I did not want to do any online dating, I no longer wanted friends to set me up on blind dates, but I was interested in going to one of the ranches, where I knew that health and safety were important for everyone. I started to research the ladies who were at the different ranches and a few interested me until I came a certain woman’s profile. This profile intrigued me because I just felt her personality jumped out in the forums and in her Twitter posts. She came across as very confident, funny, someone who was not afraid to share an opinion and did her best to live life to the fullest each day. That person was Helena Price. I knew who she was from her videos and was always impressed by how open she was in her performances, no matter their gender, race, body size and shape, height and age. For reasons I can’t explain, I just felt that she had such a wonderful aura and positive energy, that I was now thinking about contacting her. After much back and forth in my head, I decided to take a chance and e-mail her. It was a fairly lengthy e-mail, letting her know a bit about myself (and yes, I did state in the e-mail that I was a virgin), that I was a fan, as well as some questions that I had. I wanted to share some laughs, learn about sex, and to do my best to make sure that we both had a fun time. It was an open and honest e-mail although once I clicked “SEND”, I convinced myself that if she were to respond, it would only be a short reply and I would not proceed any further. To my amazement, Helena e-mailed me back and it was not just a one or two sentence reply, but it was a fully detailed response that was thoughtful and her answers to my questions helped put me at ease. Based on her response, I picked up the phone and confirmed that I would be coming to the Love Ranch North. I’m sure the staff member at the other end of the line could hear how nervous I was, but she was very kind. In the days leading up to my visit, I made sure to read the Bunny Ranch forums, focusing on the posts about first-time visits, protocol, etiquette and the do’s and don’t’s of visiting the LRN (I recommend that anyone who visits, read these posts as well, as they contained many helpful notes and tips). Helena and I e-mailed a few more times to confirm a few things until the day arrived where I would meet her. As I walked up to the LRN gate and rang the bell, my stomach was tied in knots, I was shaking and felt beads of sweat forming on my head all because I was extremely nervous. As stated before, I’m not someone that has or exudes confidence (which I made Helena aware of, especially when it came to my body image), so now that my body was failing me, I was questioning myself about why I was here. The gate opened and I met a staff member at the door. She was super kind and I let her know that I was here to see Helena. She told me to have a seat in the lounge and she would let Helena know that I was here. I was about 10 minutes early and did my best to calm my nerves by drinking the 1L bottle of water that I had brought with me. I looked around at all the pictures on the walls and was in my own world, knowing that my nervousness was at an all-time high. I wasn’t fully paying attention to my surroundings and then I heard a voice say my name. I turned and saw Helena and she was absolutely stunning (and even that word does not properly express how beautiful and radiant she looked). Time stopped for me and I felt like I was looking at a vision. The first thing I noticed about Helena were her eyes. I hate to be judgmental, but sometimes when I look at people, their eyes seem filled with hate and rage. Helena’s eyes were kind, gentle and thoughtful (which I know is an uncommon word to describe someone’s eyes but that is what I felt). I nervously stood up and she gave me a big hug as if we had been friends for many years. I wish I could say that my nerves had calmed at this point, but they had not. We began talking and she held my hand while giving me a tour. Even this simple touch meant a lot to me, because I’m just not used to any type of physical contact with people. If you have seen the Keira Knightley version of “Pride and Prejudice”, you might remember a scene where Mr. Darcy helps Elizabeth Bennett onto a carriage and the shot lingers on her reaction, because that touch (in my opinion) meant more to them then they cared to admit at that point in the film. I have no idea if Helena paid any attention to it, but by taking a hold of my hand, I was reminded of how little physical contact I have ever had with people, so Helena’s touch was a simple moment of perfection. We sat down and I had brought a few gifts for her. They were nothing fancy or elaborate, but there was such joy in her face when she saw them that it made me happy. In an earlier e-mail to Helena, I let her know of my body image issues as well as a mark on body that I was embarrassed about. She looked me in the eyes and said (I’m paraphrasing) “It’s our imperfections that make us who we are”. She even told me about things that she does not like about her body, which surprised me, because she was breathtaking. Suddenly how I felt about my body image, or the mark on my body, did not seem so important anymore. As our conversation began going back and forth, I began to feel my guard come down and I became more at ease with Helena. I do my best to always be kind to people, as I do believe in karma, and it was so great to meet someone who shared that same outlook on life. We talked as if we had not seen each other in many years and discussed what was new in our lives, politics, religion, art, travel, the stories from our past, the hopes for our futures, family, health, yoga, exercise, outdoor activities, the pros and cons of social media, hiking, Rick and Morty, South Park, music, how I always felt uncomfortable when people touched me, my impression of Steve Carrell in “The 40 Year Old Virgin” (I know Helena had a good laugh at that one), chakras and much more. Laughter is important to me and I wanted to do something to break the ice. In one of my earlier e-mails to her, I talked about her doing the #coldshowerchallenge and that I thought it would be fun to try it for myself. The laughs we had at me attempting this challenge were infectious as I tried my hardest to stand under the showerhead and have the freezing cold water pour down all over me. I was so cold, but we both had a good laugh!!! Another ongoing joke we had is that I tend to apologize a lot. In my initial e-mail, I apologized to Helena for asking what I thought might be a stupid question. When I was with Helena, if I made a mistake, I would apologize immediately. My fear was that I was doing something that would cause her pain, as I believe I am a gentle soul and I don’t like hurting people, both physically and emotionally. She would always put me at ease by saying there was no need to apologize and I know she wants me to work on the fact that I apologize too much. It’s a bit of a running joke that we have, but she is right and I am doing my best to work on that. I wrote earlier that I do my best to be open and honest with people and that is sometimes a detriment to myself. When I was with Helena, I finally felt that I could be myself around someone. I don’t feel that way around people very often, but I never felt that there was an awkward moment or pause between us and everything we said to each other was genuine. As our day was ending, Helena and I had a discussion about meeting people and my fear of trying new things, so I asked her if she ever felt that way. I will always remember her response as she told me that it was that feeling of trying something new, doing something new or meeting someone new that makes us feel alive. I confessed to her that for many years I had forgotten what that feeling was like. I am and will always be forever thankful that she responded to my initial e-mail and for her agreeing to meet me to remind me of that feeling again. Before I left, I let Helena know that I wanted to go somewhere on Lake Tahoe, as I had never been in the area before. She gave me a wonderful recommendation of a cove that I arrived at just as the sun was setting. She could have just told me to go home, but she didn’t. She was genuine in her response and took a few moments to tell me where to go and how to get to the spot. This little act is indicative of how wonderful a person Helena is. Over the course of a life, the time that we spent together would probably be considered a fleeting moment. It will never be that to me. All I can do is look back on our time together and smile. One will always wish to have more time experiencing a moment they enjoy, which is why it is so important to make sure you are spending your time with people that stimulate, challenge and inspire you. To me, Helena is that person as she is the ideal combination of brains and beauty. I will always look back at our time together fondly and I want her to know that I am forever changed because of her. Helena has even got me interested in a couple of new things, such as Buddhism, breathing techniques when I am lying with someone and tantra. Nothing may come of it, but whenever someone can stimulate your mind with a new idea, I think it is always a good thing. Although I am sure that all of the women at the LRN would provide a wonderful experience, I can only speak about my time with Helena. I hope Helena is not upset by this post and by the fact that I am closing it with a message that I sent her when I got home, as I hope that people will read it and be inspired to take the leap of faith that I did. It reads: Hi Helena! I hope you’re having a great day and enjoying your last day at the Love Ranch. As promised, I would let you know when I made it home and I just walked into my condo safe and sound. I wanted to thank you once again for everything you did for me yesterday. I sincerely mean it as you have made me feel comfortable in my body and improved my confidence, which is not an easy thing to do. From our great conversations, to the laughs we had, your patience and guidance with me while I learned about the different ways to stimulate and be stimulated (physically and emotionally) during sex and challenging me to go out of my comfort zone, it was more than I could have ever hoped for. You have such a great energy and beautiful, kind soul that I sincerely wish that there were more people like you in this world, as it would be a better place! It sounds trite, but you made me feel free, which is a very rare thing and such a wonderful feeling. Also, thank you for the amazing recommendation of the secret cove on Lake Tahoe. I got there right when the sun was setting and I just stopped, watched and enjoyed the moment. What a great sight to see to end my trip! ... Sorry for the long message, but thank you again for everything that you did for me. It meant the world and I’m so thankful to have met you and look forward to seeing you in the future. I would like to thank the staff at the LRN for taking such great care of me when I spoke with them on the phone and when I arrived. To Helena, I wish you nothing but the best that life has to offer and I do hope that our paths cross again down the road. You are an incredible woman and I am forever grateful that you responded to my initial e-mail. I am 41 years old and I am no longer a virgin. - A Dreamer “I used to think time was a thief. But you give before you take. Time is a gift. Every minute. Every second.” ― Alice Through the Looking Glass
What a wonderful review, Dreamer! I am glad you have a good time and got the chance to grew as a person. We all need that. For me the ranches have been that opportunity as well. I will look forward to your next review.
It's my pleasure @A Dreamer Never Lies and for your kind words and compliments!!! You are a "Sweetheart"!!!
