Stay! I pulled into the crowded parking lot at the local shopping center and rolled Down the car windows to make sure my Labrador Retriever Pup had fresh air.. She was stretched full-out on the back seat And I wanted to impress upon her that she must remain there. I walked to the curb backward, Pointing my finger at the car and saying emphatically, 'Now you stay. Do you hear me?' 'Stay! Stay!' The driver of a nearby car, a pretty blonde young lady, Gave me a strange look and said, 'Why don't you just put it in Park? Chili
A gorgeous young redhead goes into the doctor's office and said that her body hurt wherever she touched it. 'Impossible!' says the doctor. 'Show me.' The redhead took her finger, pushed on her left shoulder and screamed, then she pushed her elbow and screamed even more. She pushed her knee and screamed; likewise she pushed her ankle and screamed. Everywhere she touched made her scream. The doctor said, 'You're not really a redhead, are you? 'Well, no' she said, 'I'm actually a blonde.' 'I thought so,' the doctor said. 'Your finger is broken.'
There are three women trapped on an island, a blonde, a brunet and a redhead. The blonde says, "Make me smarter so I can get off this island." She then turns into a brunet and swims off. The brunette says, "Make me smarter so I can get off this island." She then turns into a redhead and builds a raft. Finally, the redhead says, "Make me smarter so I can get off this island." She then turns into a man and walks across the bridge.
There was this bar and in the bar there was a magic mirror. If you told a lie it would suck you in. One day a brunette walked into this bar. She walked up to the mirror and said 'I think I'm the most beautiful woman in the world' and it sucked her in. The next day a redhead walked into the bar. She walked up to the mirror and said 'I think I'm the most beautiful woman in the world' and it sucked her in. Then the next day a blond walked into the bar. She walked up to the mirror and said 'I think...' and it sucked her in. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Blond Logic January - Took new scarf back to store because it was too tight. February - Fired from pharmacy job for failing to print labels....."duh".....bottles won't fit in typewriter!!! March - Got excited.....finished jigsaw puzzle in 6 months.....box said "2-4 years!" April - Trapped on escalator for hours.....power went out!!! May - Tried to make Kool-Aid.....8 cups of water won't fit into those little packets!!! June - Tried to go water skiing.....couldn't find a lake with a slope. July - Lost breast stroke swimming competition.....learned later, other swimmers cheated, they used their arms!!! August - Got locked out of car in rain storm.....car swamped, because top was down. September - The capital of California is "C".....isn't it??? October - Hate M & M's.....they are so hard to peel. November - Baked turkey for 4 1/2 days.....instructions said 1 hour per pound and I weigh 108!!! December - Couldn't call 911....."duh".....there's no "eleven" button on the phone!!! What a year!!
one American, one Italian, one Arabic and French are in a bar. The American begins concersation and said: "With us, we have the CIA and we know everything before everyone else." The Italian continued: "At home, we have the most beautiful brunettes of worlds." The Arab spoke in turn: "For me, we're the most beautiful carpets in the world." All three turned to the French, who answers: "Yesterday, I make love to an Italian brunettes on an Arabic carpet and the CIA do not know yet."
Here's a couple for ya.... Did you hear about the blonde who had two chances to get pregnant? - She blew it both times (now the blondes are going I don't get it) or An American college student is backpacking through northern Europe. At a bar, he picks up a good looking blonde. He takes her to a near by hotel to have sex. After he'd climaxed, he asked her, "So, you finish?" "No," she replied so he started up again. He came a second time, and asked again..."You finish?" Again she said "No." Once more he went at it, and after coming for a third time....exhausted...he asks," Now you finish?" "No," she answered. "I'm Swedish!"
HAHAHA DENNIS LOVE THAT ONE COOKIES! HOW CUTE! OK HERE GOES.. WHAT DO YOU CALL THREE BLONDES SITTING IN A ROW? A: A WIND TUNNEL! MUCH LOVE TO ALL THE BLONDES OUT THERE REAL OR FAKE!
Brunette and blonde were siting at the bar next to a handsome gentleman. Suddenly blonde turns to brunette and whispers to her ear. Have you noticed all that dandruff on this guy's shirt collar? Brunette said, yah I did. Somebody should give this guy Head n' Shoulders. Blonde got the big smile on her face and asked. But how do you give shoulders?
What is the difference between a washing machine and a Blonde? A washing machine doesn't follow you around, after you dump your load in it. What is the difference between a Blonde and a mosquito? A mosquito stops sucking when you smack it on the head.
You are a blonde on a bus, when you suddenly fart. Luckily the music is very loud. So every time you fart, you time it with the music. When you start making your way to the door as you exit the bus, you notice that everyone is throwing dagger looks at you, and suddenly you realize.......... You're listening to your I-Pod!
I have 4 blonde daughters (all adults now) who collect blonde jokes, and I'm holding my aching sides from laughing at the ones I hadn't heard before (and will pass along to said daughters ASAP). Okay, here's my contribution: A blonde, a brunette and a redhead are sitting in the OB/GYN's office, waiting for their appointments; the redhead is smiling broadly, and the brunette asks her why. The redhead responds, "Well, I'm pregnant, and we're having a boy." The brunette, who is also pregnant, is puzzled, because it's clearly too early for the redhead to have had the tests that show the sex of the child, so she asks, "How do you know?" The redhead blushes a little and answers, "Because my husband was on top." This answer causes the brunette to start smiling broadly, and the redhead looks at her quizically, so she also blushes a little and says, "Oh, that's so great! That means I'm having a girl, because I was on top!" The blonde, who has been listening carefully to the other women, suddenly bursts into hysterical tears, and they rush over to comfort her, asking what the problem is. Between hiccuping sobs, the blonde weeps, "Oh, dear lord, I'm having puppies!"
Why does it take longer to make a blonde snowman? Because you have to hollow out the head. Why don't blondes eat bananas? They can't find the zipper.
How many blonds does it take to screw in a light bulb? Just one to hold the light bulb and wait for the world to revolve around her. :mrgreen:
During a security check at a large corporation the auditor noticed an unusual password: MickeyMinniePlutoHueyLouieDeweyDonaldGoofySeattle When he went to the workstation of the employee he found a beautiful blonder typing away. So he approaches her and asks why such a long and unusual password. To which she replied I was told my paswsword had to be 8 characters and a least one capital
Shoulders for when after sex, you decide to wrestle and you jump up atop a gentlemen's shoulders with the woman's thighs around his ears and her wet pussy on the back of your neck giving you a nice hot cloth to stay warm with....then you feel her tickle her feet on your stomach to make you giggle with glee :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: Then you stand up off the bed and walk around Destiny's room with your hands around her barely shaven legs that are as soft as silk.
Q: How can u tell if a blonde uses a vibrator? A: Her teeth are chipped... Q: What did the blonde say when she opened her Cheerios? A: OH LOOK! Donut seeds!! Hope ya'll enjoy those.. Yay! It's almost the weekend!!
What's the difference between a computer and a blonde? The computer is smarter, but the blonde is easier to turn on.
Q: How does a horny guy spell relief? A: B-L-O-N-D-E. I love blondes. Come on girls defend yourselves
Two women,a blonde and a brunette were riding in the elevator in their office building. The brunette notices something on the back wall of the elevator and says "That looks like cum!" The blonde,intrigued,walks over,licks the spot and says "Yep,it's cum alright,but nobody that works in this building."
A blonde's car suffered body damage during a recent hail storm. She goes to the local bodyshop for a repair estimate. Upon finding out the cost to repair the damage and that her insurance didn't cover the repair,she asked was there a cheaper way to fix the car. The bodyshop manager,knowing the blonde would fall for anything ,told her if she blew into the tailpipe really hard it would pop the dents out. Once back home her roommate,another blonde,sees the first blowing as hard as she can into the car's tailpipe and asks what's she's doing? The first blonde explains that she's blowing into the pipe like the bodyshop told her to pop out all the dents. The roommate replied,"Ok,but it won't work unless you roll the windows up!"
Surprised these aren't on here already.... Q: What do u call a blonde with a dollar on her head? A: All you can eat under a buck! Q: what do you call a smart blonde? A; An impostor!
Just heard this one Dennis. A man comes home to find his neighbor,a blonde woman, outside jumping up and down ecstatically.The neighbor asks "What are you so excited about?" to which the blonde replied "I just found out I'm pregnant and I'm having twins!" "How do you know your having twins?" asked the neighbor. "Well,said the blonde I went to the drugstore and bought a twin pack of pregancy test and they both came back positive!"
What's the difference between a blonde and a shower? The shower has to be turned on before it gets wet.
How does a blonde practice safe sex? She puts on her seat belt. What do you call a dozen blondes in a freezer? Frosted flakes. What do you call a blonde who dyes her hair brown? Artificially intelligent.
Ok Dennis,here's another for ya. What's the difference between a blonde and a trampoline? You have to take your shoes off before you jump on the trampoline!
What's the difference between Elvis and a smart blonde? Elvis has been sighted. Present company excepted, of course. :wink:
A brunette, a red head and a blonde are running away from the police when they get cornered into an alley, the brunette jumps in the dumptser and the red head in a big cardboard box next to it, the blonde frantic, hops into an old potato sack lying there. The police rush into the alley and don't see the girls so the cop bangs on the dumpster and the brunette growls like a dog, then he taps on the box and the red head meows like a little kitten. The cop stumbles on the potato bag and the blonde goes "potato"
