I want to start out by saying I can't count how many times I have told Joltnjoey "I will never post my own thread on the message board!" Not that I'm better than any of you who do, it's just not really not me. I am a Lurker and love it. (Well if Joltnjoey with not much more than a high school education can write masterpieces then a Berkeley grad should do just fine!) However, all of that has changed since I met the irrepressible Malika Elizabeth back at the St Patty’s Day party. Now let me just go on record as saying ever since I saw her infamous strut over a year ago I’ve really wanted me some of that! However, things have just never really worked out where I could sit down and talk to her. I guess I’ll blame Miss Isis for that! Love that woman but I digress. Our timing just really sucked. So I kept her and our party in the back of my mind. Is that creepy? lol Before I get into how fabulous Malika is let me explain how much of an idiot I am. Here is this absolutely beautiful woman making herself available to me and what do I do? I fuck it up! Let me explain. Flash back to this past Novemeber. Me and Joltnjoey head to the Ranches right before Thanksgiving for a little fun. I finally get my shot at Malika; she’s sitting at the bar when I go up to her to talk. Now, I have zero problems talking to women but I was a bumbling boob that night. So there I am making small talk and having a pretty damn good time. You would think this story had a happy ending with me and my Mocha Queen, yet sadly no. I did something that was so freaking rude thatI am still asking her forgiveness! So here I am talking to Malika when Vanilla comes up and we all just start talking. Well I notice Malika has her back to me at this point and so I figure she was talking to someone else so I begin talking to Vanilla exclusively. But all that really happened was she turned to order another drink. Well I say something really suave about Vanilla’s great rack and then off I go for a party with Vanilla. I never had a chance! Next thing I know I’m many hundreds of dollars lighter in my wallet and a smile on my face from the lovely Vanilla Frost. ! But what about my Mocha Queen? Yes, I did ditch her for Vanilla but my excuse is I’m a man and when a hottie is near me I short circuit and can’t think to save my life. In no way was this Vanilla’s fault I blame me and my hormones I’m quite embarrassed to admit that yes I did a very rude thing. Again, sorry Malika. I’m sure she probably thought,”What a dickhead! If he wasn’t so damn good looking and charming, I’d kill him!” Ok maybe the second half of that was a stretch! Flash forward to March. Joltnjoey informs me that we are going to the Ranches for the St Patty’s party and some of the girls there need a lap dance partner. To my astonishment he informed me that Malika was still without a partner. Are you serious?!? was my response. I jumped on that chance like a rat on a cheeto or a fat guy on cake! And yes I can say that I was a 400 lbs man at one time! So I had joey pm Malika and set it up. So when we finally get there, here is my shameless plug for joltnjoeys thread about the fantastic Kimberly Love in the already legendary, “I did it all for Love . . . Kimberly Love” now on sale at your participating Kmart and Walmart stores. It will make you laugh and cry and wet yourself all at the same time; now back to Malika. So by the time we brave the elements to get to the Love Ranch I tell myself don’t blow this you schmuck! So we walk in and I’m sure she remembered my rudeness from the previous November but was way too classy to say anything. Luckily for me we really connected this time around. Now most of the ladies at the ranches can talk about a plethora of things but when you find a lady who can not only talk sports but knows sports, you got yourself a goldmine! Malika is an avid sports fan who loves talking shit about her crappy Yankees and even worse Dallas Mavericks! (Go A’s and Lakers woot woot!) Boys and girls, if you like a woman who has a sense of humor and is sarcastic, then look no further. I know funny cuz I’m pretty damn funny, and this chick kept right up with me and my sarcasm. Freaking amazingly funny lady. So after all the festivities had died down and most of the message board guys had left (shout out to Brent and Colin as well as John n GA and Just Average great seeing and meeting you guys) I couldn’t take it anymore I had to get little 60% some alone time, yes that was a reference to my penis and yes it sounded much funnier in my head. So negotiations were very easy and quite fun. Apparently money was no object since the money in my wallet was really hers at least that is what she claimed. Finally getting to have a party with my Mocha Queen or as she so eloquently put it, “Getting a shot at the title,” was beyond words. At no point was I ever rushed or felt like this was strictly business. From the moment my money flew out of my wallet and into the hands of the cashier it felt really natural. Everything was just really smooth and easy. Or as the Commodores once sang, “she’s easy like Sunday morning.” As far as the party let’s just say AMAZINg! I will never admit this too her cuz I don’t want her head getting any bigger but she’s freaking unbelievable. If I had to criticize anything it would have to be that in our haste at getting started she left my left shoe on. But I was a trooper and took one for the team; I left it on and kept right on going. Nothing was going to stop me! But in all fairness I was pretty amazing too! Lol But seriously, if you want to be pampered and treated like a king then this is the lady for all of you! I wish I could say that I will be a repeat customer but until she can dump those horrible Mavs and join my Lakers I just can’t do it. Okay, I’m lying. I’m addicted to my Mocha Queen! Put a fork in me I’m done!!!
Sorry about the one giant paragraph guys. It just didnt format correctly. Let's just chalk it up to being a rookie! Lol
Definitely a solid effort my friend, I especially liked the plug for my own fabulous review of the exquisite Kimberly love. And yes the hard cover edition is currently available in Walmart and Kmart as well as being available online at amazon. Com
I am glad your senses Mr60%. Malika is a wonderful, gorgeous Mocha Queen like you described. She is classy and would never make you feel uncomfortable about any situation. I miss her as she is on Vacation
As usual, you are 100% right. I miss her too. Can't wait for her to get back! Would it be too stalkerish if I waited for her in the parlor? lol
bumping your own review? The final act of a man who is now hooked on the message board. When is your sig going up? lol
yes it does keep giving. you and mr60 are so sweet and funny. and malika is such a wonderful woman. mr60 you are indeed one lucky man to have had the malika experience!
its good to be back! aside for the one long paragraph mr 60 its a great read! malika is so sweet and funny i just love her!
Guys, if you haven't already seen this beautiful lady I sugest you come to the Love Ranch and see what all the hub bub is about. She is the total package and will leave you wanting so much more! 8)
