Why Guys don't Laid & The Wife's Response.

Discussion in 'Dennis Hof and Madam Suzette' started by Dennis Hof, Dec 27, 2006.


    Dear Wife,
    During the past year I have tried to make love to you 365 times.
    I have succeeded 36 times, which is an average of once every ten days.
    The following is a list of why I did not succeed more often:

    54 times the sheets were clean
    17 times it was too late
    49 times you were too tired
    20 times it was too hot
    15 times you pretended to be sleep
    22 times you had a headache
    17 times you were afraid of waking the baby
    16 times you said you were too sore
    12 times it was the wrong time of the month
    19 times you had to get up early
    9 times you said weren't in the mood
    7 times you were sunburned
    6 times you were watching the late show
    5 times you didn't want to mess up your new hairdo
    3 times you said the neighbors would hear us
    9 times you said your mother would hear us

    Of the 36 times I did succeed, the activity was not satisfactory because:

    6 times you just laid there
    8 times you reminded me there's a crack in the ceiling
    4 times you told me to hurry up and get it over with
    7 times I had to wake you and tell you I finished
    1 time I was afraid I had hurt you because I felt you move

    KEEP READING.......



    I think you have things a little confused. Here are the reasons you didn't get more than you did:

    5 times you came home drunk and tried to screw the cat
    36 times you did not come home at all
    21 times you didn't come with energy
    33 times you came too soon
    19 times you went soft before you got in
    38 times you worked too late
    10 times you got cramps in your toes
    29 times you had to get up early to play golf
    2 times you were in a fight and someone kicked you in the balls
    4 times you got it stuck in your zipper
    3 times you had a cold and your nose was running
    2 times you had a splinter in your finger
    20 times you lost the motion after thinking about it all day
    6 times you came in your pajamas while reading a dirty book
    98 times you were too busy watching TV

    Of the times we did get together:

    The reason I laid still was because you missed and were screwing the sheets.

    I wasn't talking about the crack in the ceiling, what I said was, "Would you prefer me on my back or kneeling?"

    The time you felt me move was because you farted and I was trying to breathe
  2. HAHA

    You find the funniest things.
  3. hahah funnie!! :D
  4. Hee. 5 times? Poor cat!
  5. Guys always whine about not getting enough booty & the girls whine they don't have enough of the BIG O's.

  6. I want one of those guys! I'm always the one whining to my BF about how we don't do it enough.
  7. lol i readed the joke once..very funny :lol:
  8. That is funny.

    What I also hear thats funny with most women is that they'll say that most men just want sex while with most escorts they say that most of the time the guys just want to talk :roll:
  9. Hey Dennis, Now that was funny. I wonder how much of that was true? I could be on my death bed and I still wouldn't turn down a peace of tail. HAHAHA. Hope to see you guys in July.
  10. kevinz0071
    Chat with Me

    kevinz0071 Well-Known Member

    [smilie=to funny.gif] that is too funny

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