At 7:05 PM on Monday 11/09/2009 I arrived at the ranch. Have had sex plenty of times and would characterize myself as pretty confident when it comes to conversing with women, maintaining healthy relationships and the like. I was still so damn nervous my testicles had shrunk down to the size of lentils. I wasn't going to turn back though. I hit the buzzer and away I went. I wasn't sure what to expect. I had seen Cathouse on HBO a couple of times, but the show doesn't do the place justice. I digress. I will get to that in a bit. So I make my entry. Mika Tan was taking Starbucks orders (she was so cute though, already wired and perky yet wanting coffee) and as I passed the bar into the lounge area girls were hanging out on their laptops or engaged in conversation with potential hookups. Max was typing away on her Mac and lounging as I entered the room. She popped up and her personality, body and face were a pretty damn good match to what was represented on the site. The same goes for other girls I personally met after my party. I handed her the dark chocolate and berries I promised and whispered to her that I was damn nervous. So we proceeded to the bar. After 1.5 grey goose on the rocks and some conversation (that included viewing an underside view of Ron Jeremy's penis...thankfully I had not eaten recently) we headed towards the room for the negotiation. I have to be up front. I am not much of a negotiator. I'm an adventurer by trade. Thus part of the reason why I came to this establishment. So when she rattled off her rates. I paused, because...well, I really had nothing to compare this too. I have never directly paid for sex. Indirectly...of course, we all have. Whether it is our time, money, energy or whatever when we invest in hookups or relationships there is a cost. So while all of this was rattling around I just said....3 hours and that was that. Max checked my boys to make sure there were no funky monkey's or weirdness hanging out and we were off to make payment. After the administration portion was complete we hopped off back to Max's room. I had to get the first embrace out of the way just to eliminate my nervousness. She was very considerate the whole time, which was good. I needed to be eased into this. We hugged again and got a bath going. While I watched the water she grabbed some drinks for us. While she was gone I sat there and realized I was semi-erect. I was so pumped. I was thinking…alright, I can do this. She is just a woman. I am just a man. There is no reason this can't happen. I think just the build up to get here had me psyched out. So she comes back with drinks and cheek kisses and we hopped in the bath. We sat caressing and rubbing each other sneaking in cheek kisses. After a few minutes we hopped out and proceeded to the pleasure pit. Hey, I got lots of pleasure. What else should I call it? I started by kissing her neck and back while letting my hands wander. I felt like I was Christopher Columbus, but instead of discovering America…I discovered a full erection. Woo hoo!!!!! Max discovered it too and wasted no time getting things rolling with protection. We continued the touching and she grabbed me and pulled me inside of her. I would say enthusiastic is a good word to describe her intensity. She is very vocal too and not in a "I'm making noise to get you off way." We rolled through missionary, cowboy, doggie and then on to a blow job. She definitely is skilled and I made my own noise praying to every supreme being that I could rattle off tailing the monologue with an expletive or two. Let's just say it felt FUCKING AWESOME!!! After I collected myself, we took a bath break, ate some dark chocolate and berries and moved on to a massage session. I loved putting my hands all over her body. I worked her back, shoulders, hamstrings, feet and finalized with her hands. Hey, you gotta take care of your woman I just wanted my thighs rubbed and well that turned into round 2. This time we rolled with missionary, doggie, cowboy, reverse cowboy, doggie and back to missionary. I wasn't done yet so she moved to hand job and then back to my favorite….blow job. The supreme beings were again mentioned and I was pretty worn out at that point. The one thing I can say about seeking professional assistance is that you get what you want and, at least in my case, everything felt fucking amazing. Keep that within the correct context though. You have to think here. This whole scenario only works if you can quickly fabricate an attraction. The stronger the attraction the better the time. So for guys, I suspect being humble, respectful and playful get you a ton of mileage. Think about it. We are all just people. Even with a one night stand some level of attraction has to be present. The best sex I have had has always cum at the hands of a woman I had a great deal of chemistry with. What was funny about the whole experience is that I thought my evening was done at that point. We went back into the lounge and I can't even begin to go into the craziness that happened there. My review of the people I met: Max: Sexy, easy to talk to, great smile, gives fantastic blow jobs, great body (in and out of clothes) doesn't take herself to seriously, comforting, fun to be with, flexible and has a great vagina. I am glad I partied with her. Dennis Hof: Awesome, gracious, laid back, humorous and fucking loves his job. Great man to meet because he could be a big arrogant prick but chooses to be cool. Arianna Starr: Beautiful, soft spoken, great smile, funny and would love to see her naked. Hell, I would love to see Kalli and Cami naked too so I won't be redundant on that. Definitely has some rhythm and would probably rock the hell out of you. The last sister, I was with, whose personality was like hers damn near killed me. Kalli Morgan: Her pics online do not do her justice. Definitely attractive, nice long legs, great smile and enjoyable to be around. Can tell she would be an awesome conversationalist and has a devious smile that probably translates to behind closed doors entertainment. Cami Parker: Beautiful, playful, sarcastic and from what I hear loves to give blowjobs She advertises that in her profile too! Carol (Madam Suzette's minion): Funny and guest oriented, which I guess is her job, but seems to want to be there or at least give that impression. Mika Tan: Sexy, perky and high energy. Didn't really talk to her much but she bounced around and was always cheerful. So from me to all of you at the ranch. Thank you so much for an amazing time. You ladies are awesome and if anyone tells you different send that 65 year old horny lady on 'em. Having that lady on you is worse than being beat up by a bouncer. She was C R A Z Y!!! Very entertaining though. THANKS AGAIN!!! Take care and be safe. Sincerely, HazardZetForward (it's latin darling)
Yep, Max is one hell of a woman. Anybody who gets set up with Max for a few hours will never forget the experience. Worth every penny and more.
I couldn't agree with you more. I was thinking about the experience all day and I can't think of one way that I would change last night's experience. Thanks Max! Hope you had a safe journey back home. Hazardzetforward
Thank you so much for the compliment. You were very sweet and funny too. I think you got way more than what you bargain for when you and Max came into the palor as a matter of fact we all did but it was fun and I wouldn't trade that night. I'm glad you enjoy yourself at the ranch with Max, she is a great girl. Hopefully we will see you again and have another crazy night for you...hopefully she will be governor by then (anyone who was there last night will know what I mean...lol!!!) Take care sweetie P.S. I hope she damn near killed you in a good way (hint hint wink wink)
Congrats on what sounds like a great first visit and that was a very interesting ranch report to read and yes I agree with others Max is a lovely lady
By the way hazardzetforward, Max was my first time at the ranch also. Actually first time anywhere but home in 33 years. I know how you felt afterward. A 12 hour drive home seemed like 30 minutes as all I could think about the entire way home was my beautiful little Max. I imagine she has that effect on everyone. There is not one thing I would change about Max if I could, except, how often I can afford to come see her. I would certainly speed that process up a lot.
Great review, Hazard. I really enjoyed reading it - you are a fantastic writer. That bit about viewing the underside of RJ's penis was too funny. :lol:
I am soooo glad you had such a great night. Thank you for your kind words. I would agree, the night ended on a very funny note. :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol:
