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From The Trenches
I define "Heaven" as Dennis Hof's Bunny Ranch - see www.bunnyranch.com
- going to a brothel is one thing, but going to THE world-famous
Moonlite BunnyRanch brothel is my idea of Heaven! I was recently a
guest there for three days and nights, surrounded by beautiful "angels"
and total class; basically, owner and all-around Gentleman, Dennis Hof
gave me an all expense vacation like no other on Earth!
I flew
into the Reno Airport where I was met by a BunnyRanch limo with the
beautiful Alexis Fire riding shotgun for the 30-minute drive to
Nevada's capital, Carson City, the home of the brothel. Upon arrival,
we dropped off my suitcase at one of the many three-bedroom homes on
the grounds of the BunnyRanch, and headed inside the main brothel
building where totally legal prostitution takes place. HBO was on site
filming additional episodes for their series "Cathouse" featuring the
BunnyRanch, and I did the "cameo" thing for a number of their shoots
over the following two days. The main brothel facility is huge and
classy, simultaneously home/brothel-like, and staffed by genuinely
helpful and attentive folks. The girls of the BunnyRanch were as
beautiful as Heaven's angels, as friendly as close friends, and
exceptionally personable and fun. The bar was stocked to the hilt and
available continuously, and the kitchen had all kinds of home-like
meals and snacks available for us 24 hours a day (something my buddy
Ron Jeremy might think was Heaven-like, that's for sure!). Besides the
free bar and kitchen, Dennis Hof also provided us upscale lodging with
full maid service complete with stocked refrigerators and food
cupboards. We also had on-site access to gymnasium facilities, a hot
tub, limos, and everything else needed for a dream vacation. Of course,
I was happy to see that my bathroom had a hair dryer in it, something
much needed for my three remaining pieces of hair!
After HBO
wrapped up their shoot, I went back to the house I shared with Alexis
and her man, and unpacked and moved into my room, showered, and set up
lights for Alexis and I to shoot a blowjob scene for my "Knee Pad
Nymphos" series - Alexis and I have long wanted to shoot a sex scene
together, so we were a little giddy about finally being able to do it!
A nationally known contortionist and feature gentlemen's club dancer,
her poses for the box-cover photos were amazing and excitingly sexy.
The video shoot went well, and we subsequently walked the 30-40 steps
back to the main building to rejoin folks hanging out in the bar and
the parlor area. What a happy place the BunnyRanch "Heaven" is!
Throughout the remainder of the evening, just like the entire stay,
incoming customers rang the door bell and the girls lined up for the
Madam to introduce them to the client-customer, and provide them with
the "menu" of brothel services available from the girls; from there,
customers could select a girl of their choice, or wait a bit and move
around the bar and parlor without any pressure for them to do "it." The
BunnyRanch caters not only to men, but also to lots of women and
couples.
The girls are selected from hundreds of applicants
every month, they get weekly Doctor check-ups, and they are treated
like queens in Heaven. Dennis Hof is an amazing nice-guy who innately
knows how to make everyone feel genuinely special, and he's a super CEO
and human being - and, he's initiated and donated opportunities for
returning war zone troops to afford visits to Heaven/the BunnyRanch .
The
morning following my arrival, I hit the dining room for breakfast
before heading outdoors for some jogging. It was interesting to see the
girls bringing overnight customers into the dining area, making them
feel special and like "insiders." I bet they have a lot of repeat
clients. HBO was again filming, including a "toy"/novelties party
presented by Adult Film Star Jacklyn Lick; and, an evening party for
the girls having birthdays during the month, a wildish party attended
by everyone at the "Ranch" as well as a couple of celebrities (in
respect for their privacy, I won't mention their names, but I bet you'd
know them). What sexy fun the party was, complete with very sensuous
dancing between and among the girls and guests! Tabitha Stevens,
scheduled to participate in an HBO-filmed demonstration the next day on
how to give great blowjobs, also joined us for the birthday party. The
evening was delightful and a happy time for everyone. Later, Tabitha
moved into the remaining bedroom of the house; it was visually exciting
to be living in a house where Tabitha and Alexis casually walked around
in various stages of dress and un-dress as they prepared for bed - the
next day was also visual enjoyment as they wandered around the house.
The
final full day of my stay in Heaven consisted of a variety of fun
things, including the HBO filming of an end-to-bachelorhood sexually
suggestive wild party for a young couple who brought a huge entourage
of fun-loving family and Texas friends to the party. Yes, celebrities
also attended, customers were still serviced, and some of the
BunnyRanch "angels" along with Dennis and us porn folks attended the
follow-on rehearsal dinner at a nice restaurant in Reno. Upon return
later in the evening to the BunnyRanch/"Heaven," another party
"erupted" for the wedding folks! The entire three days seemed like a
constant glamorous party. That night at "our" house on the Ranch, we
sat around visiting and chatting like extended family members, then
headed off to bed; Tabitha, a sweet young lady who had an early morning
limo ride to the airport for her Howard Stern Show appearance the next
day, woke me up before running out the door and heading to the airport
- being such a nice and thoughtful person, she had put a pot of coffee
on for us to awaken to. Alexis helped me pack up, I headed to the
dining room for one more great meal, and then I toured BunnyRanch II
located 4-5 minutes down the road; like the main facility, it also was
like an oasis and vacation wonderland. Now it was time for me to take
the limo back to the airport. Unfortunately, pre-set scheduling kept me
from staying longer and attending the afternoon marriage of the two
All-American folks getting married at the BunnyRanch, but I bet it was
a nice ceremony! Thanks Dennis Hof for my vacation to "Heaven"
(i.e.,the BunnyRanch)!
A couple of days later, as I was
telling folks at the filming of Wildlife Productions of Screw My Wife,
Please, Vol. 45 about my BunnyRanch vacation, I couldn't help but smile
about all the fantastic experiences I've had while part of the Adult
Industry. I wish I could somehow wave a magic wand and have everyone
else also experience it. It's Heaven!
Lately, here in San
Diego, I've visited with some Marines undergoing treatment for wounds
and injuries received in Iraq. These youngsters are extremely
self-motivated to quickly get well and re-join their units. They tell
me that long-distance and overseas Telephone Calling Cards mean a great
deal to them and their families. I did some Internet research and came
across www.operationuplink.org
where the VFW obtains contributions for phone card purchases for
military folks; I sent in a small donation, and I hope others might do
likewise. Meanwhile, no matter how you feel about the war in Iraq,
let's all keep our military folks AND their families in our hearts and
prayers.
-- Dave Cummings, www.davecummings.com
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