Thanks Asia it's really unreal how many people this thread has touched. I thought maybe I would get a couple of responses but I'm so Thankful that my story has opened a dialog and hopefully has helped a lot of people. We all go through stuff and what might be overwhelming to you might not be as upsetting to me. We all handle things differently but I want everyone to know it's ok to ask for help. It's ok to feel depressed just don't stay there. I will keep fighting and listening and being the Best Tony I can!
There is another Stigma I'd like to talk about when it comes to Depression and Suicide and that is Religion and Race. Now I know it's kind of a touchy subject but I think that our own personal communities have such a judgmental denial of depression it is never addressed. Now I will tell you my background. Most of you know my mom is an ordained Minister. She can marry you or bury you I always joke with her about it. I am believe it or not a Born Again Christian. I can speak in tongues... Now I know the path I don't always walk the path. When I chose to come to the ranches I told my mom. Dennis and Suzette and everyone treated me Better than my biological family and friends I had know most of my life. I knew if it got out she would only hear the negative about the ranch. She told me I'm an adult as long as I'm ok that's all that matters. She and Dennis had a very cool friendship and anytime I am there everyone asks how I'm doing then they ask how is my mom. So as a Christian Man Of Color it was easier telling her about the Brothels than it was about Therapy. See as a Minister my mom counsels people all the time. You know it wasn't about her being ashamed it was about her being worried about me but also for all you Christians out there you know what they say about addiction You don't need 5 steps just one Jesus!lol Now that's all fine and well and yes you can be miraculously healed and delivered from addiction and all kinds of things that come against you, but if your faith isn't where others are in your church family then you might fall through the cracks. You also hear some churches totally dismiss therapy. In the Black community there is a lot of stuff that we don't talk about because of pride. We miss out on so much because I'm worried that so and so is gonna find out that I was here... Honestly now think isn't this a conversation that you might have heard or thought about no matter what Religion you are or what Race you are. My point is no matter what your background is. Everyone goes through something. If you find yourself wanting help it starts with you. If people talk about you while you are alive they Damn sure gonna talk about you when dead. Trust me therapy will help you address those feelings of worrying about what others think. As my mom says when we talk about the ranches. I don't judge them girls, cuz man ain't got a Heaven or a Hell to put us in! All I can do is pray for them that they are ok and safe. Anyway I hope this might help others. Tony
I have been battling depression and anxiety since the 90's. There was a time where suicide was on my mind alot. I haven't felt THAT way in a while,and while I continue to fight,it's a never ending battle. Some days are better than others,but still. I've felt so lonely and useless for quite a long time.
Bruce I'm sorry to hear that you've been dealing with these feelings. I'm glad that you haven't had those thoughts in a long time. I know not everyone can afford it but I know talking to someone helped me more than I could have thought. So always remember therapy is an option. Bruce it's ok to feel lonely but this thread should prove that you are not alone. Bruce I don't know you but I can tell you, YOU ARE NOT USELESS! There is somethingbth at is unique and special about you that makes you, you. There is something that you do that no one else can do. It's one of those things that we truly don't know how special we are to others because we aren't egotistical. Sometimes we believe the negative thoughts we create and they just aren't true. Bruce start waking up believing that each day you open your eyes is a gift! You are special and find sometime in the day to do something you love to do.
Please feel free to use this thread to vent if you are feeling down or need someone to listen. I think talking about something we are going through to anyone helps. Or if you are having a good day and want to share some good news with us that would be great!
Some of you might know that I had a birthday fundraiser on my Facebook page. The proceeds are going towards the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline. I exceeded my goal of $300. The final total was $370. I want to thank Running Squirrel for his donation. This will help a lot of first responders, military families and the families of the young adults who were survivors of the Parkland School shootings that took their lives.
I myself have dealt with depression. I’ve gone through some seriously dark times where all I wanted to do was die. I still do struggle, but it’s not a crippling depression as it was before. For the first time in my life, I feel like I have a purpose.
That is encouraging to hear for anyone who has felt like that and feel like they are the only one going through something like that.
