When we first got in at the Reno airport , we were met by the limo driver . Not just any limo driver , but Dennis Hoff's PERSONAL limo driver , and we went to the ranch in his PERSONAL limo . It was stocked with a bottle of Champagne , Red Bull , and water . Needless to say after such a long flight , the champagne lasted about as long as a drop of water on a hot pan . By the time we arrived at the ranch , I was feeling plenty happy . We were greeted by the line-up and we started to hang out at the bar . With me being too exhausted to do anything , I headed to my room where I was staying at the ranch . I had decided early on after I had won the contest that Brooke Taylor was going to be my pick if possible . Low and behold , the rain stopped , the clouds parted , and luck finally shifted in my favor for a change . She was there and yes , I could pick her , and did . However I waited a few days before I actually went through with it because I was drinking , partying on 4 hours of sleep sometimes and basically wanted to be well rested . Oh yeah , and I also had to work up the balls to go up to her and tell her that I was ready . I know that sounds pretty fucked up as that is what the whole trip is about ; don't ask me why it was like that , it just was . Now , where we were staying was pretty close to Lexi's room and Brooke's . So , when I woke up in the mornings or when going back up to my room for something , I would see Lexi sitting out enjoying the sun and I would go shoot the shit with her . In a weird way , she became my therapist during my stay . She is the nicest , sweetest , most down to Earth girl you could ever meet . Also , she has an ass you could bounce a quarter off of , and a rack that'll make your balls spin . Aside from that though , we had many a conversation . They gave us both a t-shirt that I had all the girls sign , including Dennis and Madame Suzzette that I am going to mount and frame and hang up on my wall just as soon as I find out who to go to to get it done . Also , we recieved a hat , a dvd , a dinner at Hoff's place across the street .... the list goes on and on and on . Our time at the ranch is by far the best thing since sliced bread . Everyone from Dennis on down were too good to us . I traded cigars with Dennis and Madame Suzette hooked us up with Bunny Ranch swag . The other morning I was falling asleep in the lobby on one of the couches because I was hungover and I needed a catnap . It got to the point where I could hear everything , but didn't want to move an inch for nothing . Eventually I heard , and felt , whipped cream on my face . I didn't care though , it's not like it was permanant marker so I didn't give a shit , I just wanted to sleep . Eventually I got up and headed back to my room and cleaned it all off . I stayed there to rest some more without any more disturbances . You can only party so much and drink so much beer for so long before you're not making the decisions any more , your body is . One night Dennis took a crapload of us to dinner . It was a very nice time . I threw a crayon down Kim's top , and then she wanted me to stand up , so I did and she threw a crayon down my pants . The next thing you know , everyone's throwing shit at Kim , and she has the salt and pepper shakers , a roll of paper towels , a box of crayons , crumpled napkins , a toy frog , and a cup of soda shoved in her top with the guy next to her drinking out of it . We then went back to the ranch and continued to have a good time . Last night , I enjoyed the hot tub that is there and earlier got a bunch of sun . The whole time I was there there wasn't a cloud in the sky and at night the stars come out so well !! If you go to the ranch and do not have a good time , then you're just not human , or you're dead from the waist down . I strongly believe that it is IMPOSSIBLE to have a bad time at the ranch .
great trip report !! You've definitely confirmed my thoughts on Lexi. How was the party with Brooke ?? Dean
It was a time that I will never forget . She took me to a VIP room . We were in there for about 45 minutes . I asked her if she could deepthroat and she laughed and said " I'm America's Cocksucker ! " . I have never been deepthroated before until then . We did a bunch of different positions , one of which was 69 and reverse cowgirl , which again , were two things I had yet to do . I could have in the past and I will never know why I didn't , but at least I got that out of the way . The sex was awesome , don't get me wrong , but I had more fun just seeing how everything is ran there and getting to know everyone . Miranda the self-proclaimed " Bar Goddess " and Phoenix , the other barmaid , were really cool to talk to also . Madamme Suzzette is as sweet as she looks on tv . She is so damn nice . Words can't even describe how great she is . She has a heart of gold , that woman . It's funny ..... I would be at the bar watching guys come in at all hours , watching the ladies do their line-up , and running their asses off to get in the line-up . I would try to pick which one of the girls the guy would pick in my head , and be wrong everytime . Eveyone's tastes are different , that's for sure . Luckily for us , Dennis has the " Baskin Robbins 31 different flavors " . That's a bet you're sure to win !!
I heard Brooke is VERY good at reverse cowgirl. When we talked.. I bring it up, she was like "yeaaaaaaahawww". She has to have an awesome personality !! I'm looking forward to my visit !!
That's what we were doing when I lost it , LOL !! My penis gives her 2 thumbs up !! ( or balls I guess )
Greg : you're so sweet to say such nice things about me. Brooke is definitely a great lover...both for men AND women !! I have frequently dipped my toe in THAT pool of sexuality....
If I manage to pay off my bike this year , which will allow me to pay off the jet ski , I should be able to swing it , but we're talking about $8K that I owe on he bike , which is a lot of cabbage . Lucky for me I work at a place that begs me to come in at all hours so the OT is there . I am supposed to go to the electronic convention next year in Vegas with a very good friend of mine . Maybe I can convince him to make it an extended stay and we can hop over there on a plane on the way home .
Yes . Me and MadJack were both contest winners . He won a trip on the Adam Corrola Show and I won a trip in Buffalo off of 103.3 WEDG .
