I know what you’re thinking. Another review of Anna Suvari. Many here have taken pains to describe her beauty, charm, skills and spirit. And I’m going to try again, fool that I am. My first time with Anna was in November, and I just got back from my second trip. My double dip. I had to do some more research. Find more ways to sing her praises. Come up with a few new fitting phrases. It was Valentine’s Day (sweet!), and she played the Saint. Twice. But also vixen. Pixie. Fresh, frisky filly. Mad cool muse. Lickety long fuse. She was my Gypsy Queen. My Valenteen. Therapist. Caretaker. Very personal trainer. Lady Cab Driver. Health care provider. My go-to gal. Anna is one boss chick. When wicked weather canceled my flight and appointment on the 13th, I was worrisome. But she wrote with a wink: “just get here, and I’ll take care of the rest.” A joy, a comfort, and a kick in the pants. Such are the combined charms of the “amazing,” “astonishing,” and “elegant” Anna Suvari, Gem of the Desert. She’ll make you want to learn Spanish -- and she’s Swedish. She’ll make you fly First Class. So I came the next day. Twice. With my frenulum dancer. Buck naked prancer. Warm, white molasses mixer. And into the bargain, a panty purveyor. Yeah, got my paws on her knickers, all-in-a-twister. Making me all a-twitter. She shimmied out of her Frederick’s of Hollywood greeting card and became my Agent Provocateur, slipping perfectly into an outrageously yummy black-and-plum number I bought her. Shazam! She was stunning. (Take 2 was more mundane; for me, nothing spells “GFE” like a t-shirt and a pair of Hanes Her Way®. I brought them with me, too, then I took ‘em back. I did it My Way. The Milky Way.) In short, a good sport. For sure: she was My Funky Valentine. For a limited time. There; 21 new ways to describe Anna Suvari. You should come up with some, too. Let fantasy fly in the face of reality. Let this be your last lurk. Quit these vicarious thrills. Get in touch with her already, or one of the other beautiful, bountiful bunnies. But Anna’ll be back soon, amidst the seeping moistures of early Spring -- when a man’s love turns to dirty thoughts (and if they don’t, she’ll turn ‘em for ya). Anna Suvari is a one-woman wave of feminism, and a wonderful one, at that. Go git ‘er!