What does a Bunny's Vagina and a tin roof have in common. If you do not nail it real good & hard, it ends up at the neighbor's house. I love this, got any new jokes?
There were three prostitutes living together, a mother, daughter and grandmother. One night the daughter came home looking very down. "How did you get on tonight Dear?" asked her mother. "Not too good," replied the daughter. "I only got $20 for a blow job." "Wow!" said the mother. "In my day we gave a blow job for 50 cents!" "Good God!" said the Grandmother. "In my day we were just glad to get something warm in our stomachs!"
These two guys go to a whorehouse. The first guy goes in then comes out and says, "My wife is better." The second guy goes in then comes out and says, "You know what? Your wife is better."
What do the Rubix Cube and the Penis have in common? The longer you play with them, the harder they get!
Hey Alexis, I told you that joke. Now i have to thank of another one.................... :lol: Got one... How many hookers does it take to screw in a light bulb??? None..... Hookers screw in sleavy hotel rooms.......
When i say Hookers, im not thinking about the ladies at the bunnie ranch,, im thinking more like craigs list.....
WHATS IN A MANS PANTS THAT IS 6 INCHES LONG AND HAS A HEAD ON IT, AND WOMEN LOVE TO BLOW IT???? YUP MONEY!!!!!
here are just a few that I can remember hope you like..... WHAT IS SOCIAL SECURITY SEX??? ITS WHEN YOU GET A LITTLE EVERY MONTH BUT NOT ENOUGH TO LIVE OFF OF..... AN OLD LADY GOES TO THE DENTIST, SITS DOWN, DROPS HER PANTIES, AND LIFTS HER LEGS THE DENTIST SAYS MAM YOU KNOW KNOW I AM NOT A GYNECOLOGIST SHE SAYS I KNOW I NEED TO GET MY HUSBANDS TEETH BACK....... WHY DO COWS LOOK SAD WHEN BEING MILKED?? IF SOMEONE WOKE YOU UP AT THE CRACK OF DAWN, RUBBED YOUR TITTIES FOR 2 HOURS AND DIDN'T FUCK YOU, YOUD BE SAD TOO!!!! WHAT DOES HAVING SEX DOGGIE STYLE AND DRIVING ON ICE HAVE IN COMMON??? JUST ONE LIL SLIP AND YOU COULD REALLY FUCK UP SOMEBODYS REAR END!!!!
One day a guy returns home from work and finds his girlfriend packing all of her stuff. The guy asks, "What are you doing?" His girlfriend replies, "You are just to kinky for me. I can't handle all the things you want to do, so I am leaving." Depressed, the guy heads straight for the bar. After drinking for a few hours he notices a girl looking at him from down the bar. She walks over to him and asks, "Why the long face?" He replies, "My girlfriend left me today for being too kinky." To which the girl responds, "That's amazing. My boyfriend just left me for the same thing. What do you say to leaving here and going back to my place?" The two them leave the bar and head back to the girl's house. Once there the girl heads to the bedroom and puts on a leather outfit and grabs the chains and whips and heads into the living room just in time to see the guy putting his coat on and getting ready to leave. "I thought we were going to get kinky together?" The woman asks. The guy reponds, "I just screwed your cat and took a crap in your purse, what more do you want?"
As always remember: Alimony is a deal that lets a woman profit from past mistakes!!! Woman in labor starts screaming at her husband!!! "Dont look at me!!!, he shouts back..."I wanted it stick it up your ass, but you whinned that might hurt!" Two guys at a bar...."You used to be the life of the party, years ago...," sighed one guy, "Does your wife still find you entertaining?" "No," answered the other, "She usually doesnt catch me!!" A guy bought a woman a couple of drinks at the bar and then asked if she could come back to his place. "Sure," she exclaimed, "but it wont lead to anything." Once they entered she reminded him, "This wont go anywhere so dont even try." "What do you think I am?" he asks. "I'm not into a one-night stand, I want you for my wife!" "Great!" she said, "What time does she get home?" A guy walks into a bar....stops and stares at the horse tending bar. The horse says, "Hey buddy, what's a matter, you never seen a horse tend bar before?" "NO," he exclaims, "I just never thought the parrot would sell the place." And finally... A guy goes into a bar, sits down next to a little guy. The little guy looks at the first guy (larger) grabs him by the neck and arms, and says "That's a choke hold from judo." The big guy figuring that the little guy is a little drunk, lets it go. Five minutes later, the little guy grabs again...this time the little guy says " That's a bracing hold from karate." Now the big guy is getting upset, but still lets it pass. Once more, the big guy finds himself in another hold..."That's a death move in tae kwon do," says the little guy. Now the big guy is totally angry, so he immediatley leaves the bar, comes back about fifteen minutes later,where the little guy is still awaiting another drink, before the little guy can move, the big guy grabs him, his arm flying out from behind his back, then the little guy falls off the bar stool and is knocked out cold. The big guy looks at the bartender and says "That's a monkey wrench from Sears."
When in the Marines I was down south and had three lovely hooker girlfriends. Playing poker with them one night, (no pun intended) they decided to name their best lovers after soft drinks. Hooker # 1 said "I am naming my lover 7-up because when he's up he is seven inches long" . Hooker # 2 said "I am naming my lover Mountain Dew because when he do, he like a mountain". Not to be outdone, hooker # 3 said "I am naming my lover Jim Beam". Hooker 1 and 2 said "You can't do that, Jim Beam is not a soft drink it's a hard liquor". Hooker # 3 replies, "That's what he is a Hard Licker".
A guy is driving out in the middle of nowhere, very lost. Finally he spots 2 houses so he goes up to the first house and looks in the door way. He sees an old lady yanking on her boobs and an old man jerking off. He is so freaked out that he goes to the next house and says "What's up with your neighbors?" and the owner of the house says "Oh that's the Robinson's, they're both deaf. She's telling him to go milk the cow and he's telling her to go fuck herself!"
Confucious say, "He who loose key to girlfriends apartment, get no Nuki". Confucious also say, " He who beat off in car, have hot rod".
I loved all of these jokes. What a way to start the day. Thanks, everyone. Here's my contribution: A woman was sitting at a bar enjoying an after work cocktail with her girlfriends when an exceptionally tall, handsome, extremely sexy, middle-aged man entered. He was so striking that the woman could not take her eyes off him. The young-at-heart man noticed her overly attentive stare and walked directly toward her. (As all men will.) Before she could offer her apologies for staring so rudely, he leaned over and whispered to her, "I'll do anything, absolutely anything, that you want me to do, no matter how kinky, for $20.00......on one condition." Flabbergasted, the woman asked what the condition was. The man replied, "You have to tell me what you want me to do in just three words." The woman considered his proposition for a moment, and then slowly removed a $20 bill from her purse, which she pressed into the man's hand along with her address. She looked deeply into his eyes, and slowly and meaningfully said... "Clean my house."
What do all the female reindeer do when the male reindeer go off and help santa? They go into town and blow a few bucks. :lol: :lol: :lol:
When I was a kid, all my friends called me a pussy. Then later on my mom told me we are what we eat. That's why that is all I eat anymore.
Thats funny! Love it.. Ok heres my attempt at a joke.. What do the people in China call their good plates? Breast Prates?
