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HOW TO BEHAVE IN A
BROTHEL:
Dennis
Hof's Tips On How To Woo A Working Girl
Gone are the trick 'n' travel houses of
the past (also known as "whack shacks") that once defined Nevada's
sleazy brothel scene. They've been replaced by state-of-the-art
pleasure palaces -- with spotlessly clean rooms, cozy, inviting
interiors, relaxing jacuzzi/spa playrooms and a wide range of sexual
amenities -- aimed at satisfying the eclectic tastes of an
increasingly upscale clientele.
Gone too are the
drugged-out, numbed-out whores of yore. They've been pushed aside by
a roster of high-end beauties who are clean, young and gorgeous. Did
we forget to mention they also have a wholesome, healthy appetite
towards sex?
Also part of the past is the boorish macho
behavior of the '70s and '80s, when male customers -- no matter how
loud or smarmy they looked -- could get it on with any girl they
liked.
"It's a whole new ball game," says Dennis Hof, owner
of the Moonlite Bunnyranch and Miss Kitty's Cathouse. "Our girls
don't have to party with anybody they don't want to and unlike some
cathouses, they're not fined for it," notes Hof. "All of the girls
who work at the Bunnyranch and Miss Kitty's are independent
contractors, who set their own prices and they'll price you out of
the ball park if you're unsavory, unkempt or unpleasant."
A
model of decorum himself, Hof is the resident expert on cathouse
etiquette. His words of wisdom can save you money when it's time to
negotiate the fee in exchange for a working girl's well-honed sexual
skills. "Your chances of having a great sexual experience at a
reduced price increase substantially when you look and act your
best," states America's favorite brothel sage. Conversely, the
reverse is true. "What do you think your chances of getting off
cheap -- or even getting off at all -- are if you say, 'I want that
whore over there!'
"The word whore is out," he adds. "It's
degrading, demeaning and abusive. They're working girls and
hand-picked beauties who are the cleanest and best looking in the
world. So leave your misogynist attitude at the door or it'll cost
you."
Medically licensed by the state before they can sell
their wares, the girls are also examined weekly by a board-certified
physician before they can ply their trade and they're trained to
reject anyone who looks unhealthy. "If the girls see sores, lesions
or anything that looks suspicious on the initial dick check, forget
it, your money will be refunded and you're history."
So if
you want to reach the promised land with the brothel beauty of your
choice, clean up your act. "Dress nice, be clean shaven and bathed,
have a friendly attitude and have fun with the girls. It's not
everyday you can hop into bed with a Perfect Ten and fulfill your
deepest sexual desires. Think of our brothels as a Disneyland for
adults. It's the E-ride you can't get at home." And if all else
fails, states America's Pimp Master General, then "act like you
would in church." Afterall, you're entering a house of worship.
For more information or reservations, please call the
Moonlite
Bunnyranch at 1 (888)
BUNNYRANCH or Miss Kitty's at 1
(888) MS KITTY or check out the Spectator's online Bunnyranch ad.
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