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HEARD AROUND THE WEST - December
6, 1999 Heard around the West by Betsy Marston
Minnesota Gov. Jesse Ventura isn�t a bit afraid
of inconsistency. He bragged about visiting a Nevada brothel as a
young man
in his autobiography, I Ain�t Got Time to Bleed, yet a few
decades later, his lawyer
hints at legal action unless the brothel, the Moonlight
BunnyRanch, stops using the governor�s name in its advertising.
BunnyRanch owner Dennis Hof thinks there�s a hint of hypocrisy in
the request. "He used our name in his book to sensationalize it,"
Hof told the Minneapolis St. Paul Star Tribune. "He�s made a big
mistake. I�m not going to say, "Oh, I�m sorry, Jesse." "����In
brochures for the Mound House, Nev., house of prostitution, Hof
shows a bedroom suite named in honor of the former professional
wrestler and also adds a quote he admits Ventura didn�t make: "I had
sex at the Moonlight." The governor�s attorney says that while the
brothel owner�s "support" is appreciated, he�d rather it ended.
Reminder to bank robbers: Clean out your pockets. Two bank
robbers and their helper were nabbed in western Colorado thanks to a
dry cleaner who read a note left in a pair of pants. It read, "Put
the money in the bag and don�t say a word or I will kill you,"
reports the Grand Junction Daily Sentinel.
Could you handle living in your car? On a public street? If the
answers are yes, you qualify as a potential "car liver," a term for
people who don�t mind extremely confined spaces for a while. A.J.
(Jane) Archer just wrote a book about the phenomenon, Car Living:
How to Make It a Successful, Sane, Safe Experience, after
overhearing a conversation in Trader Joe�s, an upscale market in
Lake Oswego, Ore., the author�s hometown. While chatting, a shopper
and store employee discovered they had "virtually the same address -
their cars," reports the Des Moines Register. Archer says job
hunters, the recently divorced, students and others undergoing
dislocations sometimes feel they have no choice but to live in their
cars. Her 72-page book of tips and anecdotes says it helps to divide
the house-vehicle into "rooms� - a sleeping area, "kitchen" and
office. Archer has been trying out car-sleeping while promoting her
book. Her husband at home says "the day he sleeps in his car is the
day he goes to the morgue."
In a bittersweet talk to a packed audience at the Wort Hotel in
Jackson, Wyo., range cowboy Terry Schramm reminisced about the
changes he�d seen in Jackson Hole over the last 25 years. A shared
community of ranching has been shattered, he said, as public-land
grazing has come under attack, and growth has transformed ranches
into ranchettes. Schramm told the Jackson Hole News that he
continues to admire ranchers because they work hard, need little and
stay humble. He talked of one rancher who won�t make millions by
selling out to developers. When Schramm asked him why he stays with
it, the friend replied, "When I wake up in the morning, I know what
to do with the ranch, what to do with the cows, but I don�t know
what to do with all that money."
Stop that bike! In Jackson, Wyo., a man whose fancy GT Dyno BM
bike was stolen was walking down the street bikeless, when a
two-wheeler just like his whizzed past. "It looked so much like his
that he hailed a cop, and together they found that it was his bike,"
reports the often entertaining "Blotter" in the Jackson Hole News.
The culprit was a 15-year-old boy.
Justice was also sweet for Denver resident Jerry Sullivan. After
a drunk driver smashed into his car in Taos, N.M., a year ago, he
endured operations for a crushed hip joint, a splayed nose, a nearly
severed ear and a detached retina. But a Taos magistrate had let the
driver - an uninsured man with expired Florida license plates -
leave Taos without putting up bail. After no law enforcement agency
could be roused to pursue the case, Sullivan decided to track down
the driver himself. Along the way he confronted the judge for
allowing the driver, Daryl S. Hicks, to skip town, and then he went
public with his story, both in the Albuquerque Tribune and Denver
Post. Thanks to a private investigator in Albuquerque who
volunteered his help, Hicks was found living in Denver less than a
mile from Sullivan�s house. He will now face trial for allegedly
causing an accident that resulted in great bodily harm.
The Halloween Bash at the Snow King Center in Jackson, Wyo., will
be a lot different next year. The Jackson Hole News says this year�s
party became so rowdy and drunken that the famed costume contest had
to be cancelled, and that�s a shame since creativity ruled at the
21st annual bash. Costumes included a man dressed as a head of
broccoli and a group dressed as highway flaggers from the Wyoming
Department of Transportation. The flaggers, wearing hardhats and
reflective vests, spent the party rotating stop/slow signs. They
were not effective.
At the University of Colorado in Boulder, staffer Evan Cantor has
become a magnet for compilations of cleverness on the net. The
following sums up the history of medicine, as seen by a skeptic:
"2000 B.C.: Here, eat this root. 1000 A.D.: That root is heathen.
Here, say this prayer. 1850: That prayer is superstition. Here,
drink this potion. 1940: That potion is snake oil. Here, swallow
this pill. 1985: That pill doesn�t work. Here, take this antibiotic.
2000: That antibiotic no longer works. Here, eat this root."
Two Navy airmen don�t seem to know why they did what they did;
nonetheless, they bragged they�d "shot some moos� in western Nevada.
The bragging was overheard, and the men confessed to killing seven
pregnant cows. When Churchill County Sheriff Bill Lawry asked the
men, who were training at Fallon Naval Air Station, why they�d
selected cows for target practice, they answered, "Because," reports
Associated Press. Pressed to answer, - �Because why?" they really
couldn�t answer," the sheriff said. Joshua Osinski, 23, of
Scottsdale, Ariz., and Alan Peters, 21, of Coos Bay, Ore., face
seven felony counts of grand larceny.
*Betsy Marston
Heard around the West invites readers to get involved in the
column. Send any tidbits that merit sharing - small-town newspaper
clips, personal anecdotes, relevant bumper sticker slogans. The
definition remains loose. Heard, HCN, Box 1090, Paonia, CO 81428 or
[email protected].