HIS CARTS IN THE RIGHT PLACE

Howard mentioned that there are only seven shows left, and that the plans for his departure are going smoothly, except, of course, for the ongoing carts controversy. Howard explained that since neither SIRIUS nor Infinity will be using cart technology in the future, he originally wanted to hand out the carts to fans during his final broadcast. However, Howard went on to say that, after he thought about it, he decided that storing the carts would be a better move, just in case he was able to make a deal with Viacom that would allow him to have sole ownership of them. Howard added, though, that when Tom Chiusano, who wanted to erase the tapes when the issue first arose, was informed of this plan, he demanded that the carts be erased instead of stored.

Howard noted that erasing the carts is no easy task, and requires not only a $2,500 machine that the company doesn't have, but also countless hours of work. Gary added that when Richie Herby, KROCK's chief engineer, told him that the cart-erasing machine might take weeks to get, he responded that wouldn't work, because he doesn't trust the people at the company with the tapes anymore than they trust Howard. After Howard pointed out that he already has the cart material on CD, and only wanted to keep the carts as backup since they were originally supposed to be thrown away, Gary said that Scott the Engineer recommended they rent a steamroller and run over the carts on the street to get rid of them.

THE ONE MILLION DOLLAR MAN

Tom came into the studio and told Howard that the decision to erase the carts wasn't his doing. Tom added that, if it were up to him, the first 20 minutes of the show wouldn't have been dedicated to hearing about how horrible he was and having Gary make fun of his laryngitis. Tom added that he'd like to box the carts and keep them at the station, but Howard denied the request noting that it wasn't fair for him to have to trust Tom when the same courtesy wasn't returned.

Howard then brought up that Infinity execs won't allow him to take the tapes because they're afraid he'll play them when he gets to SIRIUS, even though he wouldn't be allowed to do so legally. This led Howard to wonder what he's ever done to have his business ethics called into question, pointing out that he's always played by the rules and even returned a $1 million check that was mistakenly given to him by the company despite the fact that he could've gotten away with keeping it if he had wanted to. In addition, Howard also noted that he didn't appreciate being informed by Tom that every box he and his staff carry out with them after they pack will have to be examined by security.

Tom assured Howard the checking of the boxes won't be an insult to anyone's character, but instead will act as a safety precaution to make sure nothing that shouldn't be removed is accidentally mixed into personal belongings. Howard responded that not only was there nothing left to steal from the studio, but that if he wanted to take anything, he would've done it months ago.

REACHING A COMPROMISE

Since he had both Howard and Tom in the same room, Gary asked what the final decision was in regard to the carts. Howard replied that Tom had to pick one of the following three options: (1) flatten them with a steamroller; (2) hand them out to fans during the final show; or (3) buy a machine and hire people to spend hundreds of hours erasing them. However, Tom pointed out that a fourth choice existed, and that was to box the carts. Howard told Tom he'd be fine with that solution, but only if they picked a neutral site to store the carts, so that there would be no worries about either side illegally using them. After Tom agreed to the terms of Howard's offer, Gary apologized to him for mocking his voice.

HOW TO HANDLE BILL

Howard admitted that, based on what Ralph had told him, he thought he was going to look horrible on his appearance on "The O'Reilly Factor" last night, but added that he felt the whole thing went well. Howard mentioned that there were times when Bill interrupted him, but that, in the end, he let him promote SIRIUS, which was his goal. Howard also pointed that last night's segment was just the first of three portions of his interview that will run the rest of the week.

King of All Blacks called in and told Howard that some of his responses to Bill's attempts at bullying him were hilarious. Howard again commented that what bothered him the most about the interview was Bill's insistence that he's a man of the people. Howard recalled that Bill not only tried to paint him as someone who's out of touch with his fans because of the money he makes, but also denied that he lives a life of luxury himself, despite the tens of millions of dollars he earns every year. To disprove his theory, Howard noted that, in addition to the fact that Bill was wearing a pound of makeup, he also knows someone who's familiar with Bill's house and that it's a mansion on Long Island.

AGE IS JUST A NUMBER

Howard reported that people actually seemed to like Blue Iris on last night's edition of "Tissue Time," and that her broadcast lasted for 45 minutes. Howard pointed out that Blue claimed to be 58 during the show, but that he didn't think she was a day under 68. Richard Christy revealed that although Blue was fondling herself and licking the microphone during her show, she didn't get naked. Howard then played some of the calls that were made to Blue last night, as well as her responses. After the clips, which featured some disturbing commentary from Blue, Howard wondered how long it would be until the FCC goes after him once he begins on satellite.

HOME FOR THE HOLIDAYS

Howard announced that Sal taped a few discussions he had yesterday with his wife, Christine, and that he thought their home life sounded like a nightmare. In the first clip, Howard explained that Christine was yelling at Sal because, while the family was attempting to take a picture for their Christmas cards, he kept positioning their dog, Cinnamon, so that her behind was facing the camera. The other tapes Howard played were of Sal and Christine arguing while their kids were crying, and Sal telling her that he couldn't pick up a curtain rod from the floor because he was carrying their baby.

Christine got on the line, and Howard told her that as harsh as she is at times, he understood her frustration with Sal when it came to the Christmas card picture. When Howard also pointed out that it sounded like there was no peace in their house, Christine claimed that the yelling sounded worse on the tape than it actually was because there are no carpets in their home.

AIRING THEIR GRIEVANCES

Sal came into the studio and acknowledged that his home life is stressful. In fact, Sal mentioned that he's had so much on his mind lately that he's gained 20 pounds, and now has bags under his eyes. Given the way the two interact, Howard observed that Sal and Christine seem like the kind of people who yell at each other while out to dinner with friends. Despite his feelings, however, Sal noted that wasn't the case, pointing out that when they do go out to eat with friends, the women talk to each other while he drinks. This comment led Gary to point out that he wanted Sal and Christine to have their own show on SIRIUS where they simply talk about their lives. Sal responded that, as much as he argues with Christine, he loves her and would never leave her.

THE LONG FAREWELL

John the Stutterer came into the studio to say his goodbye this morning. Howard mentioned that the two elements he liked the most about John's appearances were Fred's imitations of him while he talked and the way he used to argue with Ralph. Howard also observed that whenever John has gotten mad in the past, his stuttering seemed to disappear. John then told Howard that, although he used to dislike Ralph, the two are now friends. John went on to say, however, that Yucko the Clown has since replaced Ralph on his list of people he hates.

Howard proceeded to play a clip of John yelling at Ralph and questioning his sexuality. After the clip, John pointed out that he's a liberal on all issues except for capital punishment, and that the homophobic remarks he made during the tape don't reflect his true feelings on the topic. Before John left, Howard told him he has to be a part of the show once it moves to satellite, which John promised he would.

A DANCING MACHINE'S FAVORITE MOMENTS

Another person who stopped into the studio to say goodbye was Luis, the board-op at KROCK. Luis revealed that he won't be moving to SIRIUS with Howard, but will instead stay with Infinity to make use of the MBA which he'll be completing in May. After Howard pointed out that he's enjoyed working with Luis because he's a hard worker who isn't a pain, he played one of Luis' favorite moments from the show, which was when Paul McCartney visited in 2001. Following the tape, Luis noted that although Paul's appearance was memorable to him, his all-time favorite moment was when Stevie Wonder talked with Howard and performed this past fall.

Luis commented that another broadcast he'll never forget occurred on September 11, 2001, because, as he said, Howard was the one commentator who expressed both sadness and, more importantly, anger toward the terrorist attacks that occurred that day. Howard then told Luis that he really enjoyed the time he told Gary that he didn't like him before also acknowledging that he'll miss seeing Luis and his wife dance at future parties.

ONE THUMB IS BETTER THAN NONE

Doug Goodstein, Howard Stern On Demand's executive producer, called in to announce that Richard Roeper has agreed to review "Super Twink," but that Roger Ebert still refuses to take part. Doug went on to guess that the reason Roger has denied the opportunity to comment on the movie is because he's afraid of the subject matter. Artie agreed with Doug's assessment, adding that, to him, Roger seems to be "snooty" when it comes to art.

SEVEN YEARS OF JOY

Steve Grillo, who used to be Howard's intern and was responsible for his breakfast for nearly seven years, returned to the studio for the final time. Howard reported that after Steve tried to pursue a career in show business, he ended up training to be an electrician. However, Howard went on to note that Steve dropped out of the program, and found out that he's currently working as a bartender. Steve explained that, although he would've been making more than $40 an hour as an electrician had he stuck with his training, he simply didn't like the work enough to continue with it. Steve also said that he's decided to once again make an attempt at a Hollywood career.

The first clip of Steve that Howard played took place shortly after he had written "Private Parts," which he dedicated to his interns, with a special mention going to Steve. In the clip, Steve was read the dedication, and was so honored by what was printed that he incorrectly said the word "debit" instead of "debt," which drew a reaction from everyone involved. Howard proceeded to play clips of Steve arguing with Stuttering John, who was subleasing his apartment to Steve at the time and demanding that he leave, as well as the time he conducted an impromptu interviewer with Charles Grodin and almost got punched.

Gary remembered that when Steve quit several years ago, he got mad at him for hiring K.C. as a replacement so quickly. When Steve responded he was hurt only because there seemed to be no emotion involved with his leaving, Howard explained that they needed to find someone else to do his job, and that it wasn't personal. Steve then told Howard that if he had any room for him at SIRIUS, he'd love to work for him again. Howard promised Steve he'd look into the matter and let him know if he comes up with a position.

WORDS ARE NOT ENOUGH

Howard acknowledged that he's been having trouble writing his farewell speech, largely because he isn't retiring from radio. Artie commented that he, too, has been thinking about what he wants to say during the final show, but will probably end up winging it like he said he always does in those situations. Robin revealed that she heard a weather report for December 16th, and that it's supposed to be warmer than usual that day and snow-free.

Richard came into the studio, and got permission from Howard to sing "Baker Street Baba Booey" at the parade. Richard and Howard then decided that they'd drink shots before addressing the crowd that morning, which led Artie to reply that there's nothing better than making a public speech and not remembering it the next day.

THE TRANSFORMATION OF JD

Howard announced that Dennis Hof, who runs "The Bunny Ranch" in Nevada, is planning on bringing some of his women to the parade next week. When he heard the news, JD came into the studio and commented that if one girl in particular accompanies Dennis to the event, he'd be willing to lose his virginity to her on the spot. Howard proceeded to note that JD seems to have gotten more forward as of late and added that he saw pictures of him getting lap dances from some of the interns at last night's KROCK Christmas party. JD responded that his behavior at the party was largely influenced by the amount of Jack and Coke he drank. Gary commented that, although JD had only three drinks, he appeared to be pretty drunk. Given this, Robin advised that, if he can't handle his booze, JD should go back to his Malibu Bay Breezes as his drink of choice.

SAYING GOODBYE, HONESTLY

Polygraph expert, Ed Torian, called in to bid Howard farewell to regular radio. Howard thanked Ed for all his help throughout the years, and Ed responded that there was no need to thank him. Ed went on to comment that Howard and his crew are all great people, and that he enjoyed being on the show. After playing some of the prank calls Sal and Richard made using Ed's voice, Ed assured Howard that he'd be in touch after his move to satellite.

TODAY'S SHOW COMPANION

" Howard announced that Echo Bridge Entertainment has picked up "Beer League," and that it will be released in the spring.
" Howard mentioned that cbsnews.com has put up additional clips of some of the footage that was shot for his "60 Minutes" piece.
" Both Howard and Robin said they felt that the air marshals aboard a plane in Miami had no choice but to shoot the passenger who claimed he had smuggled a bomb onboard the flight.
" Howard again brought up that he'll be giving away $10,000 during his parade on December 16th, and that the money was made available by the Video Game Awards 2005 that will air on Spike TV.
" Robin noted that Aretha Franklin has gotten so big that President Bush had to use a step-ladder while putting on her Presidential Medal of Freedom recently.
" Howard said he plans on having everyone from the show, except Sal, over to his apartment for the January 1 premiere of "Super Twink."
" Robin reported that "The Chronicles of Narnia" has been receiving great reviews.

 Contributions by: Thomas Panasci & Jason Kaplan