Why my adventures are Odd

Discussion in 'General Discussion' started by StevenL, Aug 26, 2016.

  1. StevenL
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    StevenL Active Member

    OK, after I posted in a thread that when I go on an adventure, things get odd I was asked by a couple of people why I would say that. Here you go:

    My dad dated hippies...like 9 or 10 years older than me hippies (and the age difference got closer as I got older). I picked up the joy of freaking people out from them...seriously, it's more fun than anything.

    I have driven from LA to Salt Lake City. While wearing an old time pilots cap and goggles from Disneyland. With a blow up sex doll in the passenger seat. During that 692 mile drive, I was pulled over 12 times.

    Speaking of Disneyland, as of 2014 I have smoked weed on every single "dark ride" there. On a semi related note, I have spoken with Disney Security twice. They keep their sense of humor in the same freezer as Walts body.

    I have spent a day at Disneyland taking pictures of other people's families.

    I have been threatened with a 72 hour psych hold for not pronouncing my name the expected/traditional way.

    I have been known to randomly scream OWWWWWW GOD MAKE IT STOP during exams by young/new doctors. Works best when they are just about to touch me.

    I helped blow up a small pond at Fort Riley, Kansas. We had a lot of explosives and were bored.

    I have dressed up for Halloween. Last year. As a white trash tooth fairy. And went trick or treating.

    When I was home on leave after my first tour in Germany, a friend asked if I could help him take a pickup load of junk to the dump in Big Bear City, California. It was an 8 mile drive each way and should have taken an hour or so. 4 days later we were in Clovis, New Mexico and I am not sure to this day how or why we ended up there.

    I was once pulled over for speeding (not something I do normally). When the officer came up to my window, I said (loudly) THANK GOD YOU STOPPED ME, OFFICER! DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW FAST I WAS GOING?!?!?!
    I did not get a ticket.

    During a traffic jam on I-15, I once challenged the people in the car next to me to a Dance Off. Please note that my primary method of transportation 9outside of a car) is a wheelchair. I could have so beaten them in the dance off. pussies

    I called the developer of the online game "Gemstone 4" a helmet wearing, chicken raping, cousin fucking smacktard. During a Q&A session at the convention he had annually for his games. I was and still am banned from that game for life.

    I have partied with an actual, been on the cover of Rolling Stone, rock star. That was a lot more fun in 1978 than it is in 2016, but he is still my "Bestie".

    I have, on more than 1 occasion, seen a ghost. I am not counting the times I was "medicated".

    I have dropped acid once in my life. It was at Disneyland. HUGE mistake. This was not one of the times I met Disney Security.

    I change my name depending on what feels right at the moment and who I am speaking to. I have done it in the middle of a conversation.

    I turn telemarketing calls into free phone sex. If they make it through 10 minutes, I will buy whatever the fuck they are selling. Only one person (yes, I do it with men and women) has made it to the time limit since 1986. She is my hero.

    So, ladies, if you STILL think an adventure with me sounds fun, lets do it :) If this is a little outside your comfort zone, then lets just have fun and skip the adventure part. If none of this is outside your comfort zone, I may propose <3
     
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  2. Metalhead99
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    Metalhead99 Well-Known Member

    I have driven from LA to Salt Lake City. While wearing an old time pilots cap and goggles from Disneyland. With a blow up sex doll in the passenger seat. During that 692 mile drive, I was pulled over 12 times.

    That's hilarious I was driving to Edmonton, going to a black metal concert while wearing corpse makeup & leather armor & forgot that we had to make it through the border they didn't let us through until I washed it off .
    49662b4a9cdbe051c9630753c53bdaf4.jpg
     
  3. StevenL
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    StevenL Active Member

    Heh...that reminds me...I got into an argument with the California Border Fruit Nazis regarding why I did not need to open the back hatch on my car (in my opinion), because the back was empty and FUCKING GLASS IS SEE THROUGH.

    Apparently "Why do I need to open the back? Are you unable to see through clear fucking glass, Skippy?" is not an acceptable response.

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  4. StevenL
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    StevenL Active Member

    Every single one, Dreamscometrue, every single one. Most of them were due to my shyness...when I get really really uncomfortable around people I do not know, I go into "lets see how they react to this" mode. Other things were just because I got bored and was an adrenaline junkie with PTSD. Some I just chalk up to "shit happens".

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    Last edited: Aug 26, 2016
  5. StevenL
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    StevenL Active Member

    As in many aspects of life, if you can make them laugh, people tend to give you a break. It also explains my sex life.

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  6. StevenL
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    StevenL Active Member

    Well, I am also very polite to police officers most of the time because I DO NOT want to give them any excuse to search my car. If I'm not carrying or holding then I may let my inner asshole out, but only if they are being exceptionally stupid about something...like being able to see through glass

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  7. freakygeek
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    freakygeek Well-Known Member

    LOVE....ABSOLUTELY LOVE THIS THREAD!!!
     
  8. GezabelleSinclaire
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    GezabelleSinclaire The girl you always Fantasized about

    We would have so much fun with me as your co-pilot! I love adventures!
     
  9. StevenL
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    StevenL Active Member

    uh...you did read that shit up there ^^^, right? I mean, that was just the shit I could remember when I was baked. You do have at least 2 passports and all your immunizations, right?
     
  10. GezabelleSinclaire
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    GezabelleSinclaire The girl you always Fantasized about

    Possible to get but outdate rules might conflict lol. We can go anywhere in Nevada though!
     
  11. StevenL
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    StevenL Active Member

    Geez, freeky, you like this? So far its just been the odd shit....if I started covering STUPID shit, you might run out of server space

    I have electrocuted myself. More than once. In the same day. The second time was to verify HOW I zapped myself the first time. The THIRD time was to show someone else how it happened and to warn them.

    I once assisted in "Grand Theft Helicopter" I was the decoy.

    I came up with the idea that once closed down Hwy 18/38 in Big Bear City, California. Rueben (yeah, LSD in his eyes Rueben), Tim, Joe and I wanted to slide down the hill on road when it snowed. It did not snow enough. I said "Lets get the hose and make ice instead". We really did not know it was the main highway through town.

    During a job interview in college, the lady asked me "so.....how will your (insert air quote's and snotty sniff here) Military Experience help our company?" I replied "well, I can go out in the middle of the night and get rid of your competition". I was not hired
     
  12. StevenL
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    StevenL Active Member

    oh yeah, I meant in Nevada...if we were to go out of country, it would take at least 5 and I would have to shave my head
     
  13. StevenL
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    StevenL Active Member

    Mormon missionaries have not come to my house since March of 1997. We had an "Incident" It was determined that it was not Public Indecency if they were on my front porch and I was only visible to them.
     
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  14. StevenL
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    StevenL Active Member

    When called for jury duty, looking around the court room and asking "Which one is the guilty bastard?" will get you dismissed. It will also get you a $375 fine for contempt of court.
     
  15. GezabelleSinclaire
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    GezabelleSinclaire The girl you always Fantasized about

    You don't need a passport for Nevada. Lol
     
  16. StevenL
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    StevenL Active Member

    Thats what the man wants you to think. Trust me on this, Ive been adventuring with myself for 40 years now. If we are staying in just one state, we will need at least 2 passports each, a thermos of coffee, some fireworks, some Jaegermeister, a tank of helium and a midget. Well, the midget isnt required, s/he is just for fun, but it must be a midget, not a dwarf (dont ask)
     
  17. GezabelleSinclaire
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    GezabelleSinclaire The girl you always Fantasized about

    Lol well a passport is easily obtainable.
     
  18. StevenL
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    StevenL Active Member

    oh shit, I almost forgot...dont let me have any Jack Daniels...I will say I can handle it, but I get weird when I drink that shit
     
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  19. lol which might explain half the shit you've done on this list
     
  20. StevenL
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    StevenL Active Member

    Yes, Mr. Daniels was involved in 6 of the situations listed. He was also involved in a number of situations I did not list. He and I stopped partying together in 1991 after an unfortunate incident at the Riverside Hotel and Casino involving a Pit Boss who insisted on telling me a joke that I did not find at all funny (in my defense, I clearly stated to him that A) I had probably heard the joke he was about to tell me about my unit and did not find it even the tiniest bit funny, B) if he had been in the Army like he said, common sense should tell him to look at the little patch that said "Ranger" above my unit patch and he should take that into account BEFORE telling said unfunny joke). He told the joke anyway.
     
  21. StevenL
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    StevenL Active Member

    Of all the stupid shit I have done, this was the pinnacle (so far!)

    Stupid Human trick3.jpg

    For those who dont recognize what we are standing in front of, that is the rocket from an M270 Multiple Launch Rocket System. Its 13 feet long, so there are about 7 feet of it below ground. In that 7 feet are 600 or so "submunitions" ie little bombs. For some reason, it didnt go pop and scatter all those little bombs like it should have. It seemed like an EXCELLENT photo opportunity...I mean hell, it didnt explode when it was supposed to, what were the odds it would go off while we were standing there, right?
     
  22. RoxyGold
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    RoxyGold Well-Known Member

    Loving this thread, you guys! Though I can't help but feel slightly boring and ordinary... :)
     
  23. StevenL
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    StevenL Active Member

    I actually have the scars (and PTSD) from a couple of near death events, one was 2 days after the "Kodak Moment" picture above. :)
     
  24. I have done some crazy stuff too but most of those were from my days working the nightshift at K-Mart...I'm surprised no one got seriously hurt or worse.
     
  25. MelissaKiss
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    MelissaKiss Las Vegas Location Alien Cathouse

    Lol for real!!!!! You sound like an amazing fun person!!!!
     
  26. willowlove
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    willowlove Well-Known Member

  27. StevenL
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    StevenL Active Member

    I worked in the Meat Dept at Safeway between Graduating HS and enlisting in the Army (graduated early, couldn't enlist until I was 18). That was where the electrocutions happened (it was because of a band saw I did not unplug before washing down the floor with the pressure washer at the end of the day).

    While working there:

    Frozen Turkey bowling on the night stocking crew.

    Soda Can grenade fights in the back room (shake the hell out of the soda, slightly pop the top so it starts spraying everywhere, then throw)

    A guy I worked with (Tom), who was way more nuts than anyone I have ever met in my life, invented the "French Licker". He took a beef tongue, slammed it against the cutting table a few times to REALLLLY stretch it out, tied it to a piece of cord, then tied the cord around his waist, under his apron. He then went to the front of the store to his favorite checkers check stand, lifted his apron and made the tongue wiggle. He then proudly proclaimed "Hey Mary! Look! Its a French Licker!. Mary was not too impressed, however, since it was 4th of July weekend we had lines for the check outs halfway down every aisle of the store and the customers were VERY interested.

    I assisted Richard Pryor in finding a bottle of Jack Daniels and a pack of rolling papers late one night

    Weird Andy had a World War 2 vintage Willys Jeep that he was positive could float because he thought he saw one floating on TV. We sank that Jeep in Big Bear Lake at least 15 times trying to get it to be a boat.
     

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