One day Little Sally got her "monthly bleeding" for the first time in her life. Having failed to understand what was going on and being really frightened, she decided to share her trouble with little Joey. When she found Joey she told him what was happening, but he didn't quite understand so she showed him what her problem was. Joey's face got very serious and he said, "You know, I'm no doctor, but it looks like someone ripped your balls off!"
One day Little Sally got her "monthly bleeding" for the first time in her life. Having failed to understand what was going on and being really frightened, she decided to share her trouble with little Joey. When she found Joey she told him what was happening, but he didn't quite understand so she showed him what her problem was. Joey's face got very serious and he said, "You know, I'm no doctor, but it looks like someone ripped your balls off!"
A worried father telephones his doctor who is a close family friend and tells him that his teenage son has come down with a venereal disease. “He thinks he caught it from the maid,” says the father. “Don’t worry too much,” says the doctor. “These things happen.” “I know,” says the father. “But I’ve been sleeping with the maid too. And now I seem to have the same symptoms.” “That’s unfortunate,” says the doctor. “But try not to get distressed.” “That’s not all,” says the man. “I think I’ve passed it to my wife.” “Christ Almighty!” shouts the doctor. “That means we all have it!”
The doctor said to the housewife, "I've got good news and I've got bad news.The good news is you don't have PMS. The bad news is...you're a bitch!"
Q: Two coins add up to thirty cents, and one of them is not a nickel. What are they? A: A quarter and a nickel. Only one of them is not a nickel.
Got a great Black Friday deal on a 50" HDTV for $29.99 today. Of course, there was a catch... The volume was stuck at the max setting so it was incredibly loud. But for $29.99, I couldn't turn it down.
Two brooms are getting married. Before the ceremony, the bride broom says to the groom broom, "I think I'm going to have a whisk." The groom broom says, "How can that be? We haven't even swept together!"
A mother took her daughter to the doctor and asked him to give her an examination to determine the cause of the daughter's swollen abdomen. It only took the doctor about 2 seconds to say, "Gimme a break, lady! Your daughter is pregnant!" The mother turn red with fury, and she argued with the doctor that *her* daughter was a good girl, and would *never* compromise her reputation by having sex with a boy. The doctor faced the window and silently watched the horizon. The mother became enraged and screamed, "Quit looking out the window! Aren't you paying attention to me?" "Yes, of course I am paying attention, ma'am. It's just that the last time this happened, a star appeared in the east, and three wise men came. I was hoping they'd show up again, and help me figure out who got your daughter pregnant!"
Little Sally Eight-year-old Sally brought her report card home from school. Her grades were good — mostly A’s and a couple of B’s. However, her teacher had written across the bottom: “Sally is a smart little girl, but she has one fault. She talks too much in school. I have an idea I am going to try, which I think may break her of the habit.” Sally’s dad signed her report card, putting a note on the back: “Sally gets it from her mother. Please let me know if your idea works.”.
A group of students had a biology lab. As a part of this lab they were supposed to scrape some bacteria off their teeth with a toothpick and then examine it under the microscope. But this one girl had some problems identifying her bacteria and asked the professor what they were. "Those are sperm cells."
An old woman walked into a dentist's office, took off all her clothes and spread her legs. The dentist said, ''I think you have the wrong room.'' ''You put in my husband's teeth last week," she replied. "Now you have to remove them."
A female technician is working late one night at a sperm bank when a man wearing a mask and holding a gun breaks in. He grabs her and shouts "Drink that sample"! She trembles in fear but does as he says. He makes her drink two more then pulls off the mask and she is shocked to see her husband. He looks her in the eye and says "See .. It's not so bad"
One Christmas Eve, Santa Claus comes down the chimney and is startled by a beautiful 19 year old blonde. She asks "Santa, will you stay with me?" Santa says, "Ho, Ho, Ho, I gotta go, gotta go! I gotta deliver these toys to the children, y'know!" She takes off her nightgown, and wearing only a bra and panties, she asks, "Santa, now will you stay with me?" Santa says, "Ho, Ho, Ho, I gotta go, gotta go! I gotta deliver these toys to the children, y'know!" She takes off everything and asks, "Santa, now will you stay with me?" Santa replies "Hey, Hey, Hey, I gotta stay, gotta stay! I can't get up the chimney with my dick this way!"
Here's a real life rib tickler .... The best bathroom sign I've ever seen was in the men's room at a truck stop in Western Tennessee. Written with a sharpie on the top of a pizza box and duct taped to the wall: "Please Don't Throw Toothpicks in the Urinals, the Crabs Have Learned How to Pole Vault"
When does Cleopatra bat her eyes? When Julius Caesar. ____________________________________________________________
A little girl is in line to see Santa. When it's her turn, she climbs up on Santa's lap. Santa asks, "What would you like Santa to bring you for Christmas?" The little girl replies, "I want a Barbie and a G.I. Joe." Santa looks at the little girl for a moment and says, "I thought Barbie comes with Ken." "No," said the little girl. "She comes with G.I. Joe, she fakes it with Ken."
One day at the end of class, little Johnny's teacher asks the class to go home and think of a story to be concluded with the moral of that story. The following day the teacher asks for the first volunteer to tell their story. Little Suzy raises her hand. "My dad owns a farm and every Sunday we load the chicken eggs on the truck and drive into town to sell them at the market. Well, one Sunday we hit a big bump and all the eggs flew out of the basket and onto the road." When the teacher asked for the moral of the story, Suzy replied, "Don't keep all your eggs in one basket." Little Lucy went next. "My dad owns a farm too. Every weekend we take the chicken eggs and put them in the incubator. Last weekend only eight of the 12 eggs hatched." Again, the teacher asked for the moral of the story. Lucy replied, "Don't count your chickens before they hatch." Next up was little Johnny. "My uncle Ted fought in the Vietnam war, and his plane was shot down over enemy territory. He jumped out before it crashed but could only take a case of beer, a machine gun and a machete. On the way down, he drank the case of beer. Then he landed right in the middle of 100 Vietnamese soldiers. He shot 70 with his machine gun, but then he ran out of bullets! So he pulled out his machete and killed 20 more. Then the blade on his machete broke, so he killed the last ten with his bare hands." The teacher looked a little shocked. After clearing her throat, she asked what possible moral there could be to this story. "Well," Johnny replied, "Don't f**k with Uncle Ted when he's been drinking."
A man walked into a pet store looking for a new pet for his wife. He asked the salesman for some assistance. The sales guy brought the man to a parrot in the back. "Now this is the perfect pet for your wife. Chet is a very special animal", the salesman said. "What makes him so special?", the man asked. The salesman took a lighter from his pocket and held it under the Chet's right foot and Chet started to sing, "Jingle bells, jingle bells..", and then the salesman held the lighter under is left foot and Chet started to sing, "Deck the halls...". So the man asked, "What happens if you hold the lighter between his feet?" "Well I don't know", answered the salesman. So he holds the lighter between the parrot's legs and instantly Chet began to sing. "Chet's nuts roasting on an open fire..."
A man walks into a bar and orders a drink. Suddenly he hears someone say, "Hey, nice tie!" The man looks up to try to find out who said it, but no one was around. "Hey! Nice shirt!" The man looks up again, but there's nobody there. "Hey! Nice suit!" The man then calls the bartender over and asks him if he keeps talking to him. The bartender replies, "It's not me; it's the complimentary peanuts."
A dog walks into a bar and asks for a drink of water. The bartender tells the dog that he doesn't serves dogs & tells him to git! The dog pleads with him, but the bartender pulls out a rifle from under the bar & shoots at the dog, he runs away yelping. Later, an angry 3-legged dog storms in and yells:. I'm looking for the man who shot my paw!
One day, a little boy wrote to Santa Clause, "Please send me a sister." Santa Clause wrote him back, "Okay, send me your mother."
The Madam opens the brothel door to see a well-dressed elderly man standing in the doorway. "Can I help you?" the Madam asks. "I want Natalie," the old man replies. "Sir, Natalie is one of our most expensive ladies. Perhaps someone else...?" "No. I want Natalie." Just then, Natalie appears and tells the old man that she charges $1,000 per hour. Without so much as a blink he reaches into his pocket and pulls out ten crisp new $100 bills. The two go up to her room for an hour, whereupon he calmly leaves. The next night the old man appears again demanding Natalie. Natalie explains that no one had ever come back two nights in a row, that there are no discounts and that the rate is still $1,000 for one hour. But once again, he takes out the money. The two go up to the room and he calmly leaves an hour later. When he shows up for the third consecutive night, no one can believe it. Again he hands Natalie the money and up to the room, they go. At the end of the hour, Natalie decides to question the old man. "I'm not used to having the same customer come back three nights in a row. Do you mind if I ask where you're from?" "I'm from St. Louis." "Really," replies Natalie. "I have a cousin who lives there." "I know", says the old man. "Your cousin died and left you $3000 in her will. I'm her attorney - you've now been paid."
