Tell Me a Joke....

Hehe hehe
​

 

What did the pirate say on his 80th
Birthday?

Aye Matey ​

 

I absolutely love this one and I can remember it so I can tell this joke!​

 

What is the Stupidest animal in the Jungle?

.....
A Polar Bear
​

 

@Air Force Amy

found this joke and i loved your art joke...

what do you call a kid with no arms, no legs, and an eye patch?

Names​

.....
(i hope I'm not going to hell for this joke lol)
....​

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Q: Is there a hole in your shoe
A: No

Q: Well then how did you get your foot in your shoe?

 

two mice are chewing on a film roll. one of them goes

I think the book was better

 

My grandfather had the
heart of a lion,
and a
lifetime ban from the new york city zoo​

 

What is clear and smells like red paint?

Chloroform

SHHHHHH.......
​

 

Where did Mary go after the explosion?

Every Where
​

 

A Farmer in his field with his cows
counted 196 of them,
But when he rounded them up he
had 200...

lol​

 

I remember the last thing my grandfather said to me
before he kicked the bucket...

He said "Hey how far do you think I can kick this bucket?"
​

 

What was a more important Invention
then the first telephone?

The second one...​

 

Did you hear about the two an-tennas that got married

It was a nice ceremony BUT the reception was amazing​

 

Knock, Knock
Who's there?
Europe
Europe who?
No ur a poo hahaha

​

 

Two Cows are standing in a Field

Cow 1: Did you hear about the outbreak of Mad Cow Disease?

Cow 2: Good thing Im a Helicopter
​

 

And the Lord said unto John
"Come fourth and you shall receive Eternal Life"

But John came fifth and won a toaster​

 

I love Apple but this joke was too funny not to post... lol
apple I do love you I promise​

Bill Gates farted in an Apple Store and
stunk up the entire place.
But its their own fault for not having Windows.
​

 

I had four bowls of alphabet soup, after that I had a massive vowel movement.

hehehe​

 

Two Elephants meet a totally naked guy.
after a while one elephant says to the other...
"I really don't get how he can feed himself with that thing"​

 

Fantastic exercise that really helps you to lose weight: Turn your head to the left. Good. Turn your head to the right. Very good. Repeat this exercise whenever you are offered any food.

​

 

LOL!!!! That's hilarious! Did you need cleaner jokes to tell? I wasn't sure what you were going for, so I went for dirty jokes....

 

Men are like snowstorms
You never know when he's comeing how many inches you'll get or how long he will last

One night a little girl walks in on her parents having sex the mother is going up & down on the father & when she sees her daughter looking at them she immediately stops. "What are you doing mommy"? The mother too embarrassed to tell her little girl about sex makes up an answer. "Well, sweetie sometimes daddy's tummy gets to big so I have to jump up & down on it to flatten it out." The little girl replies," Well mommy you really shouldn't bother with that." The mother confused asked "Why do you say that" the little girl replies "Beacuse mommy every time you leave in the morning the lady next door comes & blows it back up".

 

Why is a woman like a hurricane?
Once it's over your stuff is trashed, your house is gone and everyone is telling you they saw it coming.

Why are blonde jokes so short?
So Brunettes can remember them.

 

( What does a robot do after it cums?

IT NUTS AND BOLTS!!! )


Short, sweet, and to the point
♡ (Love robots) ♡

 

I remember the first time my parents took me swimming... The looks on their faces when I got out of that burlap sack

 

Escalators don’t break down… they just turn into stairs

"I’m sorry” and “I apologize” mean the same thing… except when you’re at a funeral

 

Sent from my SAMSUNG-SM-G890A using Tapatalk

 

A bank is a place that will lend you money, if you can prove that you don’t need it.

 

A recent study has found that women who carry a little extra weight live longer than the men who mention it.

 

A father bursts into the bathroom and yells, "Son, if you don't stop doing that right now, you'll go blind!"

The son replies, "Dad, I'm over here."

 

Why did the blonde have bruises on her belly button? Her boyfriend's blond, too...

 

You cannot taste me, until you undress me. -Banana

 

You cannot play with me unless you blow me. -Balloon