Tell Me a Joke....

Discussion in 'Games' started by DahliaBlue, Jul 8, 2016.

  1. DahliaBlue
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    DahliaBlue I can promise you, you will never forget my me

    I am absolutely horrible at remembering a joke...
    I love jokes, and I love reading and hearing them....
    But I never ever can retell them with out horrible messing them up to the point to which they are no longer fun.

    So if you all would post a joke for me so I can make my own reference book on jokes to tell people when Im social...

    or just want a good laugh
     
  2. StevenL
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    StevenL Active Member

    Once in the deep south, three kids were playing outside, running around their neighborhood, just being kids..

    They were on the side of a house and looked in the window and there was a couple inside, just screwing for all they were worth.

    Being kids, they couldnt help but stare through the window...they didnt even notice the cop who came up to see what they were doing....

    The officer grabs them and takes them downtown to the courthouse. They go straight before the judge on the charge of being Peeping Toms.

    The judge looks at the first one and asks "Well boy, what were you looking at inside those folks house?"

    The boy answers "Well, judge, there was two people a' fuckin' in there"

    The Judge is horrified..."What do you mean, using that kind of language in my court! Boom comes the gavel! "$10 fine!"

    The Judge looks at the second boy "Well boy, what did YOU see?"

    The boy, scared to death, says "Well Judge, I saw two people a' fuckin' too!"

    The Judge loses it..."I cant believe you usin' that kind a language in my court!' BOOM comes the gavel...."$10 FINE!"

    The Judge looks at the third boy.

    Stares at him..

    "Well boy, what did you see? AND I HAD BEST NOT HEAR NO MORE FOUL LANGUAGE IN MY COURTROOM!"

    The boy looks at the Judge and says..

    "Well Judge, your honor sir, I saw 10 toes up and 10 toes down, 2 big asses just a rollin' around, they was belly to belly and chin to chin and if that aint fuckin' then shit...heres my 10"
     
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  3. Metalhead99
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    Metalhead99 Well-Known Member

    What do a Rubik’s Cube and a penis have in common?
    The more you play with it the harder it gets.

    A man and a woman meet in an elevator. "Where are you heading today?" the man asks.
    "I'm going down to give blood."
    "How much do you get paid for giving blood?"
    "About $20."
    "Wow," says the man, "I'm going up to donate sperm, and the sperm bank pays $100." The woman angrily gets off the elevator.
    The next day, the man and woman meet in the elevator again.
    "Fancy meeting you again. Where you off to today?"
    "Sperm bank," she says with her mouth full.


    A husband and wife are trying to set up a new password for their computer. The husband puts, "Mypenis," and the wife falls on the ground laughing because on the screen it says, "Error. Not long enough."
     
  4. Air Force Amy
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    Air Force Amy 10x Bunny of The Year!

  5. DahliaBlue
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    DahliaBlue I can promise you, you will never forget my me

    @StevenL
    Thank you love I love it
     
  6. DahliaBlue
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    DahliaBlue I can promise you, you will never forget my me

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  7. DahliaBlue
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    DahliaBlue I can promise you, you will never forget my me

    Love it this a very good one
    and one I can remember with it being in a notebook ...lol
     
  8. StevenL
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    StevenL Active Member

    Very welcome, that's the first dirty joke I ever heard (Boy Scout camp, 1972) :)

    Sent from my SM-N910V using Tapatalk
     
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  9. So God says to Noah - build and ark and I shall order all the animals in my kingdom aboard.
    Noah says, "Oy, OK!" - he builds the ark and when it's complete all gods creatures arrive and climb the ramp to board.

    40 days and 40 nights later the ark settles on Mt. Ararat and all the animals exit and surround the boat,
    Noah - addresses the crowd and says "God wishes you to Go Forth and Multiply" - so all the animals head into the forest and start making whoopee!

    Two snakes remain - Noah repeats - "Go Forth and Multiply!"
    The snakes reply - we can't, we're adders!
    .
    .
    .
    Hmmm... scratching his beard for a moment Noah heads into the forest, cuts down some trees, strips them to logs and builds a table.
    He places the snakes on the table and low and behold - they begin to multiply!

    Which just goes to show you, even adders can multiply on a table of logs!

    :)
     
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  10. Did you hear about the army nurse who went to bed eating popcorn?

    She woke up with a kernel between her legs
     
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  11. DahliaBlue
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    DahliaBlue I can promise you, you will never forget my me

    [smilie=be mine!.gif][smilie=be mine!.gif][smilie=be mine!.gif]
     
  12. DahliaBlue
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    DahliaBlue I can promise you, you will never forget my me

    @sierraflyer
    Thank you love! I very much like this joke!
     
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  13. DahliaBlue
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    DahliaBlue I can promise you, you will never forget my me

    Your for sure a naughty one
    lol very nice
     
  14. I got one more

    A guy asks for a tattoo of a $100 bill on his penis. Then the tattoo artist asked "why would you want something like that" and the man replies "three reasons: I like to play with my money, I like to watch my money grow and $100 seems to be the only thing my wife blows these days."
     
  15. SableRenae
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    SableRenae Premier MILF at SageBrush Ranch

    In the morning Tom calls to his boss:
    - Good morning, boss, unfortunately I'm not coming to work today. I'm really sick. I got a headache, stomach ache, and my both hands and legs hurt, so I'm not coming into work."
    The boss replies:
    - You know Tom, I really need you today. When I feel like this I go to my wife, and tell her to give me sex. That makes me feel better, and I can go to work. You should try that.
    2 hours later Bob calls:
    - Boss, I followed your advise, and I feel great! I'll be at work soon. By the way, you got nice house.
     
  16. Air Force Amy
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    Air Force Amy 10x Bunny of The Year!

    Q: Who was the worlds first carpenter?
    A: Eve, because she made Adams banana stand :p


    Q:What do a wife and a condom have in common?
    A:They spend more time in your wallet than on your dick :p
     
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  17. Air Force Amy
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    Air Force Amy 10x Bunny of The Year!

    Q: If a dove is the "bird of peace" then what's the bird of "true love"?
    A: The swallow


    Girl: "Hey, what's up?"
    Boy: "If I tell you, will you sit on it?"
     
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  18. destinistarr
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    destinistarr Well-Known Member

    Why does Santa Claus have such a big sack?
    He only comes once a year.
     
  19. destinistarr
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    destinistarr Well-Known Member

    What’s the difference between a hooker and a drug dealer?
    A hooker can wash her crack and resell it.
     
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  20. destinistarr
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    destinistarr Well-Known Member

    What do you call a lesbian dinosaur?
    Lick-a-lotta-puss.
     
  21. destinistarr
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    destinistarr Well-Known Member

    What does one saggy boob say to the other saggy boob?
    If we don’t get some support, people will think we’re nuts.
     
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  22. destinistarr
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    destinistarr Well-Known Member

    Why do vegetarians give good head?
    Because they’re used to eating nuts.
     
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  23. destinistarr
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    destinistarr Well-Known Member

    What do a woman and a bar have in common?
    Liquor in the front, poker in the back
     
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  24. destinistarr
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    destinistarr Well-Known Member

    What’s the difference between anal and oral sex?
    Oral sex makes your day. Anal makes your hole weak.
     
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  25. ROADRUNNER J
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    ROADRUNNER J Well-Known Member

    A horse walks into a bar. The bartender says.. "Why the long face"? Sorry, I reverted to my childhood for a moment but couldn't resist!
     
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  26. isisstone
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    isisstone Well-Known Member

    You're too cute honey! I love the things you come up with and this is a very good one!
     
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  27. Air Force Amy
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    Air Force Amy 10x Bunny of The Year!

    Q: Why did God give men penises?
    A: So they'd have at least one way to shut a woman up.

    Q: What's the difference between being hungry and horny?
    A: Where you put the cucumber.
     
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  28. SableRenae
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    SableRenae Premier MILF at SageBrush Ranch

    A cowboy caught by the Indians
    A cowboy was taken prisoner by a bunch of angry Indians. They were all prepared to kill him but their Chief declared that since they were celebrating the Great Spirit, they would grant the cowboy three wishes before he killing him. The cowboy can do nothing, but obey them.

    The Chief comes up to him and asks:
    - What do you want for your first wish?
    - I want talk to my horse, - replies the cowboy.

    The Chief allows him to talk to the horse. The cowboy whispers in its ear. The horse neighs, rears back, and takes off at full speed. About an hour later, the horse comes back with a naked lady on its back. Well, the Indians are very impressed, so they let the cowboy use one of their teepees. A little while later, the cowboy stumbles out of the teepee, tucking in his shirt.

    The Chief asks him once again:
    - What do you want for your second wish?
    - I want to talk to my horse, - once again replies the cowboy.

    Again, the cowboy whispers in the horse’s ear. The horse neighs, rears back, and takes off at full speed. About an hour later, the horse comes back with another naked lady on its back. Well, the Indians are very impressed indeed. So, once again, they let the cowboy use one of their teepees. The cowboy stumbles out a little while later.

    The chief comes up to the cowboy and asks:
    - So, what do you want for your last third wish?
    - I want to talk to my horse, - for the third time replies the cowboy.

    He grabs the horse by the ears and yells @ it:
    - You stupid animal, I said POSSE, POSSE not PUSSY!!!
     
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  29. Air Force Amy
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    Air Force Amy 10x Bunny of The Year!

    Q: What do girls and noodles have in common?
    A: They both wiggle when you eat them.

    If a firefighters business can go up in smoke, and a plumbers business can go down the drain, can a hooker get layed off?

    Q: What did the banana say to the vibrator?
    A: Why are YOU shaking? She's going to eat me!
     
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  30. Air Force Amy
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    Air Force Amy 10x Bunny of The Year!

    Q: Why is being in the military like a blow-job?
    A. The closer you get to discharge, the better you feel.


    [smilie=happy.gif]
     
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  31. Air Force Amy
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    Air Force Amy 10x Bunny of The Year!

  32. isisstone
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    isisstone Well-Known Member

    Q. What do you call a hooker with a runny nose?
    A. Full....

    Q.What do skeleton's tile their roofs with?
    A.Shingles!
     
  33. Air Force Amy
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    Air Force Amy 10x Bunny of The Year!

  34. shelbystar
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    shelbystar Looks get you, my personality brings you back!

    Why did Mickey Mouse divorce Minnie Mouse? Because she was fucking Goofy!
     
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  35. Air Force Amy
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    Air Force Amy 10x Bunny of The Year!

    Q: What's the difference between a G-Spot and a golf ball?
    A: A guy will actually search for a golf ball.

    Q: But do you know what 6.9 is?
    A: A good thing screwed up by a period.
     

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