Ok, let's be real, I have said I was going to lose 20 pounds and find never ending happiness for 16 years and it has not happened. Are you sick of making the same resolutions year after year that you never keep? Why not promise to do something you can actually accomplish? Here are some resolutions that you can use as a starting point: 1. I want to gain weight. Put on at least 30 pounds. 2. Stop exercising. Waste of time. 3. Read less. 4. Watch more TV. I've been missing some good stuff. 5. Procrastinate more. 6. Drink. Drink some more. 7. Take up a new habit: smoking. 8. Spend at least $1000 a month on Ladies of the Night. 9. Spend more time at work. 10. Take a vacation to someplace important: like to see the largest ball of twine. 11. Stop bringing lunch from home: I should eat out more. 12. Quit giving money & time to charity. 13. To unlucky to even try 14. Start being superstitious. 15. Have my car lowered and invest in a really loud stereo system. Get the windows tinted. Buy some fur for the dash. 16. Speak in a monotone voice and only use monosyllabic words. 17. Only wear jeans that are 2 sizes too small and use a chain or rope for a belt. Only wear white T-shirts with those fashionable yellow stains under the arms. 18. Personal goal: bring back disco. Ok, let's add a few more.
I love Dennis' resolutions that everyone can keep. I have something to add to that. #23. Get lost at least once while driving and by all means don't ask for directions. (I know most people have GPS now, but sometimes that even sucks) #24. Do more web surfing at work. And for the other ladies out there: #25. Shop more and go designer. There definitely aren't enough clothes and shoes in your closet yet!
