You know your blondes well!

Maybe certain ones, at least.

Ok Dennis,here's another for ya. What's the difference between a blonde and a trampoline? You have to take your shoes off before you jump on the trampoline!

What's the difference between Elvis and a smart blonde?

Elvis has been sighted.




Present company excepted, of course.

A brunette, a red head and a blonde are running away from the police when they get cornered into an alley, the brunette jumps in the dumptser and the red head in a big cardboard box next to it, the blonde frantic, hops into an old potato sack lying there. The police rush into the alley and don't see the girls so the cop bangs on the dumpster and the brunette growls like a dog, then he taps on the box and the red head meows like a little kitten. The cop stumbles on the potato bag and the blonde goes "potato"

Here's one that was sent to me



A blonde suspects her boyfriend of cheating on her. She goes out and buys a gun. She goes to his apartment unexpectedly and sure enough, she opens the door and finds him in the arms of a redhead. Well, now she's angry! She opens her purse to take out the gun but as she does so, she is overcome with grief. She takes the gun and points to her head. The boyfriend yells, "No, honey, don't do it!!" "Shut up," she says, "You're next."

Sorry if this offends ...I was told to put this one up....

Q: what do you get when you flip a blonde over?

A: a brunette with bad breath!

Funny!

Brunettes, any comments?

What does a turtle and a blonde have in common?

When they lay on their back they are screwed...

And your point is?

I have noticed almost every blonde joke is about a female blonde....well here is one for the guys about guys...

An Italian, Hispanic and Blonde American construction workers always took their lunches together.

One day the Italian opened his lunch box and said 'Fuck!! My wife packed me Spaghetti again for lunch! If I get one more lunch of Spaghetti I am jumping off of this building!"

The Hispanic, pulled out his lunch and exclaimed, "poopoo! Tacos?! again I swear one more day of these tacos and I too will jump off of this sky scraper."

The Blonde American worker- peered into his lunch and moaned loudly, " Son of a Bitch-Turkey Sandwich!? Again? One more day of this and I swear-I am going to throw myself right off of this building."

Sure enough the next day, The Italian man unpacked the lunch his wife packed for him and it was Spaghetti---he jumped to his death.

The Hispanic man also opened his lunch to find tacos-and chose to end his misery in plunging to his death.

Finally the American blonde opened his lunch to find a turkey sandwich and also took his life jumping off the roof----only catch He was single and packed his own lunches.

Q: How do you brainwash a blonde?

A: Give her a douche and shake her upside down.


Q: What does the Bermuda Triangle and blondes have in common?

A: They've both swallowed alot of semen.


Q: How can you tell when a blonde is dating?

A: By the buckleprint on her forehead.


Q: Why doesn't a blondes guts fall out of her twat when she stands?

A: Because the vacuum in her head keeps them in place.

A blonde was weed-eating her yard and accidentally cut off the tail of her cat which was hiding in the grass.

She rushed her cat, along with the tail, over to WAL-MART!

Why WAL-MART??


wait for it ......







HELLOOOOOOOOO!

WALMART is the largest re-tailer in the world!!!

I don't get it.

Hump Wench you say? Taken care of! oh wait .. HUG Wench ... Yeah I did that too!

I hope this isn't a repeat , I didn't take the time to read all 2 pages Sorry if it is

An old, blind cowboy wanders into an all-girl biker bar by mistake.
He finds his way to a bar stool and orders some coffee.

After sitting there for a while, he yells to the waiter,
“Hey, you wanna hear a blonde joke?”

The bar immediately falls absolutely silent.
In a very deep, husky voice, the woman next to him says,

“Before you tell that joke, Cowboy, I think it is only fair,
considering that you are blind, that you should know five things:

1. The bartender is a blonde girl with a baseball bat.

2. The bouncer is a blonde girl.

3. I’m a 6-foot tall, 175-pound blonde woman with a black
belt in karate.

4.. The woman sitting next to me is blonde and a professional weightlifter.

5. The lady to your right is blonde and a professional wrestler.

Now, think about it seriously, Mister. Do you still wanna tell that joke?”

The blind cowboy thinks for a second, shakes his head, and mutters,

“No…not if I’m gonna have to explain it five times.”


Chili

Good one chili

Nice!

How about this?


Q .. What is the difference between a smart blonde and Bigfoot?
A .. Bigfoot has been spotted.

Three blondes were all applying for the last available position on the Texas Highway Patrol.

The detective conducting the interview looked at the three of them and said, "So y'all want to be cops, huh?" The blondes all nodded. The detective got up, opened a file drawer, and pulled out a folder.

Sitting back down, he opened it, pulled out a picture, and said, "To be a detective, you have to be able to detect. You must be able to notice things such as distinguishing features and oddities like scars and so forth."



So saying, he stuck the photo in the face of the first blonde and withdrew it after about two seconds. "Now," he said, "did you notice any distinguishing features about this man?"



The blonde immediately said, "Yes, I did. He has only one eye!"



The detective shook his head and said, "Of course he has only one eye in this picture! It's a profile of his face! You're dismissed!" The first blonde hung her head and walked out of the office.



The detective then turned to the second blonde, stuck the photo in her face for two seconds, pulled it back, and said, "What about you? Notice anything unusual or outstanding about this man?"

"Yes! He only has one ear!" The detective put his head in his hands and exclaimed, "Didn't you hear what I just told the other lady? This is a profile of the man's face! Of course you can only see one ear!

You're excused too!" The second blonde sheepishly walked out of the office.



The detective turned his attention to the third and last blonde and said, "This is probably a waste of time, but..." He flashed the photo in her face for a couple of seconds and withdrew it, saying, "All right, did you notice anything distinguishing or unusual about this man?"



The blonde said, "I sure did. This man wears contact lenses." The detective frowned, took another look at the picture, and began looking at some of the papers in the folder. He looked up at the blonde with a puzzled expression and said, "You're absolutely right! His bio says he wears contacts! How in the world could you tell that by looking at his picture?"



The blonde rolled her eyes and said, "Well, Hellooooooooooooo! With only one eye and one ear, he certainly can't wear glasses."


Chili

Funny!!

Funny jokes, more please

this blonde "joke" was posted in the Richard Marx website posting board and none of us got it. I'd like to hear your takes on this odd joke.







There's two blond girls in a tiny café downtown.
One blond girl sitting at a little table.
The other blond girl walks towards her and asks her: "Hello can I sit in the middle, please?"

There were eleven people hanging onto a rope that came down from an airplane.

Ten were blonde, and one was a brunette.

They all decided that one person should get off because if they didn't, the rope would break and everyone would die.

No one could decide who should go, so finally the brunette said, "I'll get off."

After a really touching speech from the brunette saying she would get off, all of the blondes started clapping.

Problem solved.

My favorite blonde joke: (Hope it wasn't posted already.)

What do you call a blonde brunette, blonde brunette, blonde brunette?

-A blonde doing a cartwheel.

The "blonde joke" is the only thing you have been unable to tame with your superpowers. Uh... maybe Chica too.

Chica is untameable!

I hope that returns to be your biggest problem.

That cat had you snookered from the first meow. I think they run the world. Has she coaxed you into having live fish in your house yet? Watch out for that ploy.

Didn't need Chica's coaxing for that. I've had a tank full of African cichlids since February.

Yes, she's happy about it.

Q. What's the funniest thing about a blonde midget?

A. The look on her face when she's airborne.

basic jokes,

Q: How do you kill a blond?
A: stick a scratch and sniff sticker at the bottom of the pool.

Q: What's the difference between a blonde and a rooster?
A: A Rooster says in the Morning - "Cockll-doodlle-doooooo", while a blonde shouts, "Any-cock'll-doooo."

Q: What's the difference between a blonde and the Atlantic Coast?
A: There's fewer crabs in the Atlantic.

Q: what was the blondes all time favorite nursery rhyme?
A: HumpMe DumpMe

Q: What do you call 2 nuns and a blonde?
A: Two tight ends and a wide receiver.


Q:Why does a blonde have the letters TGIF on sweater?
A: to remind her tits go in front


Q: Why did the blonde tattoo her zip code on her stomach?
A: So her male would get delivered to the right box.

A blonde goes up to a soda machine, puts in a dollar, and out pops a soda.
Then she keeps on putting in money for about 15 minutes until a man walks up behind her and asks, may I get one?
The blonde simply replies, no, can't you see that I am on a winning streak?


Q: What's the difference between a Blonde and a bowling ball?
A: You can only get three of your fingers inside a bowling ball.

There was a burning building with a redhead, a brunette, and a blonde at the top. The firemen yelled to the redhead to jump into a blanket so she jumped off the building. But right as she was about to safely hit the blanket they moved it and she died.

They then yelled to the brunette to jump but she said,”No! I saw what you did to the redhead!” They shouted back, “We don’t like redheads!” So the brunette jumped and sure enough they moved the blanket and she died.

Then they shouted to the blonde to jump off into the blanket. But the blonde says,”No! I saw what you did to them!” They shouted, “We didn’t like them!” The blonde then says, “I don’t trust you guys, so why don’t you just put the blanket on the ground and step back!”


Chili

DISNEYLAND

Two blondes were going to Disneyland . They were driving on the Interstate when they saw the sign that said Disneyland LEFT. They started crying and turned around and went home.

Nice!! lol Thats too funny!!!

Civic Lesson

In a high school civics class, they were discussing the qualifications for becoming President of the United States. The requirements are pretty simple. The candidate must be a natural born citizen and at least 35 years old.

A blonde girl in the class piped up and began complaining about how unfair it was to require the candidate to be a natural born citizen. In her opinion, that made it impossible for many qualified people to run for the office. She went on and on, wrapping up her argument with "What makes a natural born citizen more qualified to be President than one born by C-Section?"

lol oh that is so bad!

THE BLONDEMORTICIAN
> A man who'd just died is delivered to a local mortuary wearing an expensive,
>
> expertly tailored black suit..
>
> The female blonde mortician asks the deceased's wife how she would like the
> body
> dressed. She points out that the man does look good in the black suit he is
> already wearing.
>
> The widow, however, says that she always thought her husband looked his best
> in
> blue, and that she wants him in a blue suit. She gives the Blonde mortician
> a
> blank check and says, 'I don't care what it costs, but please have my
> husband in
> a blue suit for the viewing.'
>
> The woman returns the next day for the wake. To her delight, she finds her
> husband dressed in a gorgeous blue suit with a subtle chalk stripe; the suit
>
> fits him perfectly...
>
> She says to the mortician, 'Whatever this cost, I'm very satisfied.. You did
> an
> excellent job and I'm very grateful. How much did you spend?'
> To her astonishment, the blonde mortician presents her with the blank check.
>
> 'There's no charge,' she says.
>
> 'No, really, I must compensate you for the cost of that exquisite blue
> suit!'
> she says.
>
> 'Honestly, ma'am,' the blonde says, 'it cost nothing. You see, a deceased
> gentleman of about your husband's size was brought in shortly after you left
>
> yesterday, and he was wearing an attractive blue suit. I asked his wife if
> she
> minded him going to his grave wearing a black suit instead, and she said it
> made
> no difference as long as he looked nice.'
>
> 'So I just switched the heads.'
>
>
> (BET YOU DIDN'T SEE THAT COMING!!!)


-Courtesy of Bruce

LOL!! Unexpected ending huh

lol I should have seen that one coming...

3 People in a Airplane

Once there were 3 people in an airplane, one took a bite out of
an apple. She thought it was too sweet so she threw it out of
the plane. The second person took a bite out of a lemon and she
thought it was too sour so, she threw it out of the plane. Then
the last person took a bite out of a grenade and he thought it
was too crunchy so, he threw it out of the plane. Then they
landed and decided to go for a walk. They first passed a little
girl who was crying and they asked, "little girl, little girl,
why are you crying?" and the little girl said, "an apple came
down and killed my new kitty". Next they passed a little boy
who
was also crying. And they again asked, "little boy, little boy,
why are you crying?" and the little boy said, "a lemon came
down
and killed my new puppy." Then they passed a blonde sitting on
the side walk laughing her butt off. They asked, "why are you
laughing so hard?" and the blonde said, "I farted and the
building behind me blew up!!"

LOL I know some people that would do that, blonde or not!

A beautiful blonde goes into a bar and sits down next to a guy that’s so homely looking, he hasn’t had a date in over a year, also, he’s so dumb that one night he slept with a ruler next to his head to see how long he slept.

So he figures that he has absolutely no chance in the world to score a date with this ravishing buxom blonde.

Then suddenly she strikes up a conversation with him and soon they become rather chummy. It starts to get late and the bartender calls out last drink for alcohol, then the blonde leans over to the guy and says, “Let’s have this last drink at my apartment.”

Taken back by her request, and trembling, the guy finally utters the word, “OK.”

They get up from the bar stool arm and arm headed for the door, when the blonde stops him and says, “Before we go back to my apartment there’s one thing I have to tell you, I’m on my menstrual cycle.”

He says, “That’s ok, I’ll follow you in my Honda


Chili

Ah ha...dumb and dumber lol

You've got to love this one D!!

"A guy decides to bring his new blonde girlfriend to a football game. After the game is over, he asks her if she liked the game.

She replies: "Oh it was great, I loved watching those men in tight clothes, but there is one thing I don't understand."

"What did you not understand ?"

And the blonde says: "Well, at the begginning of the game, both teams flipped a quarter to see who would kick off first. Then the rest of the game everybody was yelling get the quarter back, get the quarter back, get the quarter back. So I thought to myself, gosh it's just a quarter!"

lol cute

Ah ha..very cute..nice pics!! u r pussylicious!!

Haha, Thank you! and YOUR pictures? I could just eat you up!

Toushae baby girl..u are yummy!!

Smart!! I must say !


Two bored casino dealers are waiting at the craps table. A very attractive blonde lady comes in and wants to bet $10,000 on a single roll of the dice. And she adds, "I hope you don't mind, but I feel much luckier when I'm completely nude."

With that she takes off everything but her necklace and rolls the dice while yelling, "Mama needs new clothes." Then she yells, "YES, YES, YES!! I WON, I WON, I WON."

She begins jumping up and down and hugging both of the dealers. Then she picks up her money and her clothes and quickly leaves. The dealers just stare at each other dumbfounded. Finally one of them asks, "What did she roll, anyway?"

The other answers, "I don't know. I thought YOU were watching."


xoxo

Awesome joke, Holly!!

The assistant asked the blonde if she would like her pizza cut into six pieces or twelve.

"Six please" she said, "I could never eat twelve!"

Thank you hunni!

This joke just made me really LAUGH OUT LOUD. lol

A person went into the office kitchen one morning and found a new blonde girl painting the walls. She was wearing a new fur coat and a nice denim jacket.

Thinking this was a little strange, he asked her why she was wearing them rather than old clothes or an overall.

She showed him the instructions on the tin,

"For best results, put on two coats".

Why did the blonde burn her ear? The phone rang while she was ironing!

What do you get when you turn 3 blondes upside down?
2 brunettes

lol

xoxo,
Holly monroe

Was online and had seen this one! had to post it...

xoxo Babyy,
Holly monroe



Brunette Joke

A young brunette goes into the doctor's office and says that her body hurts wherever she touches it.

"Impossible," says the doctor. "Show me."

She takes her finger and pushes her elbow and screams in agony. She pushes her knee and screams, pushes her ankle and screams and so on it goes.

The doctor says, "You're not really a brunette are you?"

She says, "No, I'm really a blonde."

"I thought so," he says. "Your finger is broken."

Blonde Prostitute

In testifying before the Judge in a rape case, the complaining witness, a Blonde Prostitute was asked

by the Judge. “When did it occur to you that the defendant raped you versus his claim of consensual sex?

The Blonde replied ” when his check bounced.”


xoxo,
Holly Monroe

lol oh that was bad lol

I Love it! More to cumm babyy.

xoxo,
Holly Monroe

Ah ha..good one!!! lol

Q: What's the difference between a Mosquito and a blonde?
A: If you slap a Mosquito, it will stop sucking.

Q: What is the difference between a blonde and most men?
A: The blonde has the higher sperm count.





xoxo,
Holly Monroe

After becoming very frustrated with the attitude of one of the


shopkeepers, the young blonde declared, 'Well, then, maybe I'll just go


out and catch my own alligator and get a pair of alligator shoes for


free!' The shopkeeper replied with a sly smile, 'Well, little lady, why


don't you go on and give it a try?' The blonde headed off to the swamp,


determined to catch an alligator. Later in the day, as the shopkeeper was


driving home, he spotted the same young woman standing waist deep in the


murky water, shotgun in hand.





As he brought his car to a stop, he saw a huge 9-foot gator swimming


rapidly toward her. With lightning reflexes, the blonde took aim, shot


the creature and hauled it up onto the slippery bank. Nearby were 7 more


dead gators all lying belly up. The shopkeeper stood on the bank, watching


in silent amazement as the blonde struggled mightily and barely managed to


flip the gator onto its back.



Then, rolling her eyes heavenward, she screamed in frustration.....



'$#%&, THIS ONE'S BAREFOOT, TOO!'

Great jokes!!!

What do you call a blonde standing between two brunettes? A mental block!

cute shoes hunni

xoxo,
Holly Monroe

I love it when a woman comments on another's shoes. That's the only time I ever look at shoes. They are cute.

I'm glad I could help get your attention baby!

xoxo,
Holly Monroe

Thanks Holly I love your lips...yum yum!! I want some

thanks Lamb

Soon baby !
Can't wait to meet u

xoxo,
Holly Monroe

Blonde Mechanic
The blonde mechanic told his customer, "I wasn't able to repair your brakes, so I made the horn louder."

"During her company's periodic password audit, a blond employee was found to be using this password:

GoofyHueyLouieDeweyDaisyDonaldMickeyMinniePhoenix

When she was asked why she had such a long password, she said, "The boss said that my password had to be at least eight characters long and have at least one capital."

xoxo,
Holly Monroe

"I offered a blonde a penny for her thoughts.... she gave me change!" ...

"Did you hear about the blonde with tire marks on her back? She crawled across the street when the sign said "DON'T WALK."


LOL

xoxo,
Holly Monroe

What do smart blondes and UFOs have in common? You always hear about them but never see any!

OMG! We can go back and forth for day's, I love it!

xoxo,
Holly Monroe

"A blonde tried to blow up her husband's car, but burned her lips on the tailpipe."

xoxo,
Holly Monroe