procrasturbate

To waste time (procrastinate) by pleasuring oneself (masturbate), putting off other work that one should be doing by masturbating.

To screw oneself (figuratively) by not doing work when one should be.

I had an english paper due, but I spent all day yesterday procrasturbaiting, and boy am I in trouble now.

Girlfriend-proof

To hide any objects that you would rather your girlfriend not see. These objects usually include porn, childish things (dolls, small toys, etc), and Pokemon memoribilia. You can girlfriend-proof your car, room, house, and really just about anything. Similar to parent-proof

Mitch: Hey man want to play me in a Yu-Gi-Oh match?
Mike: Sorry dude I just got done girlfriend-proofing my room. All my cards are in a shoebox under my bed.
Mitch: Oh alright. Hey, did you remeber to take down your Justin Timberlake poster?
Mike: Oh shoot. Thanks for reminding me. I'll get home and take care of that right away.

doppelbangers

A person who has sexual intercourse with someone that looks identical to them but is not related.

Stroke

A stroke is someone that is coming in not to buy but just look. They ask a ton of questions and waste your time until you find out that they are not actually interested in giving you there business at all. This is very popular at car dealerships.

"Hey did that guy buy a car"

"No he was just a friggin stroke"

muffin top


When a woman wears a pair of tight jeans that makes her flab spill out over the waistband, just like the top of a muffin sits over the edge of the paper case.

Jeez, check out the Muffin Top on that chick! *shudder

Bazookacidal Tendancies - An overwhelming desire to reach out and pop a gum bubble.

Checkuary - The thirteenth month of the year that begins New Year's Day and end when you stop absent mindedly writing the old year on your checks.

Chipfault - The stress point on a potato chip where it breaks off and stays in the dip.

Eastroturf - The artificial grass in Easter Baskets.

Gazinta - Mathematical symbol for division. Also the sound uttered when dividing out loud. Ex: 4 gazinta 8 twice.

peekachoo

Vagina or pussy

Aunt Flow comes to visit peekachoo once a month OR when Alison kicked Chelsea in her peekacho, a midget came out.

Tamela,

Here's another related one that fans of comedienne Chelsea Handler will definitely recognize:

coslopus

He makes my coslopus wet just thinking about him.

Sexiest regards,
Speed Racer

P.S., Now if we can just get that tea bagger Sarah Palin to make up THESE kinds of words, she might be a little more popular with the general public and not be regarded by quite so many as merely an air headed wing nut spouting nothing but rhetoric and nonsense.

Sorry, Geo, I just couldn't resist!

RoadHead

To be give Head while on the road

That girl gives some awesome roadhead.

CLINCHPOOPER: Someone who is a complete slob.

WISTERPOOPER: A slap along side the head.

THENAN: The palm of the hand.

So...If your kid is a CLINCHPOOPER, you should WISTERPOOPER them with your THENAN! LOL!


Note I am not endorsing violence towards children!

Sextastic

When something unsexual reminds you of sex, or is so good it's like sex. Often delicious foods can be sextastic.

That doughnut was sextastic

Clam Dam

When a girl is blocked from doing scandalous things to a man. essentially the female version of Cock Blocking

Oh my God, Stephanie! Can't you leave me and Bobby alone and stop Clam Daming me!

powerdisking

Watching several episodes of a TV show in a row, usually from a DVD box set. This can be done over several evenings, or a marathon weekend.

I missed the first three seasons of Cathouse, so I spent the past two weekends powerdisking all the episodes.

Fuckalicious

Delectably fuckable. Delightfully screwable.

Wow, he/ she is really fuckalicious!

Brovaries

Male Testicles. Yep

Chicks before Dicks! Well, Brovaries before ovaries.

Nippley

I use this word whenever i am cold lol

Nippley, use as in nippy when the weather changes to colder temperatures and women don't dress appropriately while outside and their nipples become erect in contact with the cold air. It's a way to tell your friends that there is a nipple alert.

Uniqueability

The ability possed by people to express uniqueness

Jheadapo has uniqueabity nailed

Bangover

The feeling or state of mind, ranging from a few minutes after to the morning, after sexual intercourse, especially exceptional intercourse. Feelings may include excessive drowsiness, prolongated state of Euphoria, and soreness of sexual organs.

Jayden and I fucked for hours last night, I have such a bangover.

Memphitis

(noun) A pestilential exhalation, especially from the earth; any noxious or ill-smelling emanation, as from putrid or filthy substances; a noisome or poisonous stench.


Gross~ lol

Mangasm

When a man, has an extreme rush of joy similar to an orgasm from something manly. Such as beer, spicy food, explosions, fast cars, firing big guns, hot chicks, or movies involving all of those things.

I had a mangasm watching Snakes on a Plane!

Hunting with the 50 caliber rifle is a complete mangasm!

When I floored my 69' Chevelle I had a mangasm!

Mantor

A man to whom you as a man aspire towards.
The Ideal man.

Dennis Hof is a mantor to many!

strokeology

The art of repeatedly stroking with no intention to buy anything (often practiced by people with absolutely no life or money).

One salesperson asks another salesperson if that guy going to buy anything? the other replies, "no that mother f'er has a phd strokeology degree." Also can be a group which is a strokefest.

suckadickable

A guy who's hot enough that you just wanna go to town on his junk regardless of not knowing a single thing about him aka: this is another way to categorize the instant hotness/appeal (suckadickability) of a guy

for example, a friend shows you a pic of a guy on facebook or myspace or what have you, and you in turn, can say: "nah, he's not suckadickable (suck-a-dick-a-ble; suck-a-dick-able)", meaning he's not hot enough on a purely physical level

like, the guy is not gonna make you hot enough to take his cock into your eager mouth just like that at first sight

Pussyparty

Opposite of a sausage fest, where girls are outnumbering guys. Great if your a straight guy, not so great if you are gay.

10girls. 2guys. This is a pussyparty. This is the Bunny Ranch

Bragplaining

When you complain about something for the sole purpose of bringing it up in conversation to brag about it.

Quit bragplaining about going to the Ranch. We all know you're just bitching to show off.

Orgasmelicious

Adj; Gives the meaning that something is orgasmic and also delicious.

Wow, that strawberry Dasani water was orgasmelicious.

Fun-block

When a person blocks another person from enjoying the greatest amount of fun. This applies to anything which blocks another person from having fun.

Dammit, i'm getting fun-blocked for sure.

analitical

Anal As fuck but in a nice way

Joe; Hey what did you get in the english test?

Bill; an F Miss G is was really analitical.

Fun Muffins

Breasts.

I love unwrapping Jayden's fun muffins and putting them in my mouth.

Yoga taco

The awesome opposite of a cameltoe as viewed from behind in a yoga class. Yet just another reason to do yoga!

Wow, that is an awesome yoga taco

Cuddlegasm

When you involuntarily make a "meep" like noise while cuddling with a person. This is generally caused by loving the person so much that your pretty much just can't control it. Some sticky residue may secrete from genitals as well. If so, this is sad, but at least your sensitive.

Okay okay

Tamelicious

A sexy curvy girl next door type that will leave you breathless and steal your heart. You will never find another girl like a Tamela. Often refered to as "the one". She Loves to laugh and play but dont be fooled by her smile...She has a low tolerance for stupidity and immaturity and will knock you on your ass if you run up on her. Also, very delicious on your tongue ♥

Cubicle Coma

When you wake up and feel engergized but as soon as you enter the work place, a wave of exhaustion runs over you and you have trouble staying awake for the rest of your work day. Amazingly, once you leave the hellish work atmosphere, you suddenly feel energized and ready to run a marathon.

As soon as I sat down at my desk this morning, cubicle coma came over me and I immediately passed out. An IV coffee drip could not pull me out of it but as soon as I walked out to go home, I felt like I could do an iron man.

Sex Bunny

A Human who will give it up in any possition you like. For example: If you say 69 she'll hop to it. If you say bend over she's already touching her feet. & if you say let's have sex she will bungy jump on that dick! I know a great place to find this type of girl

Yo my girl does it however i want it, she's a sex bunny.

frontin

Urban slang. To put up a facade or make appearances, typically to impress or in some way deceive to maintain image. From 'to front'.

He be frontin' - that Benz be a rental!

Tattybojangles

Breasts, Boobs, Melons, Tits, Milk factories, Wongles, cushions, bongo's, coconuts, mammary glands, Jugs, Cans, Funbags, Rack. Massive tits.

woman: whats your fave part of me?
guy: TATTYBOJANGLES!

Sexophrenia

Having a perverted voice in your brain telling you to do perverted things such as, "Touch her butt" or "Grab his balls".

Violator:The voice in my head told me to cop a feel on that grandma's boobs.

Me:Sexophrenia strikes again.

tanorexia

A disease like anorexia, no matter how tan a person is they never think they are tan enough.
tanorexic. See Jersey Shore

Oh my God have you seen Tara Reid lately? She needs to check herself in for treatment of that tanorexia.

permastoned

The physical and mental state sometimes aquired by someone who consistently smokes, or used to smoke, a lot of weed. Typically characterized by the feeling and appearance of being stoned even when one is still technically sober. See: Tommy Chong. The guy who works at your local smoke shop. Any stoner with a seemingly permanent smile and lazy eyes.

"Man, my dad hasn't smoked in years, but you can tell he's permastoned from his days on the commune".

porn-block

While on the computer whacking it to porno, one of your friends on AIM randomly i/ms you saying "hey, yo, w^, etc." and takes your mind off the porn and totally blocks you.

Yo man, seth what are you doing, my away is up and you keep on i/ming me while i'm trying to jack it! God damn porn block!

bootyful

adj. 1. A slang term often used on the Internet to substitute the word beautiful; something cute, or full of beauty. 2. Something with an excessive amount of beauty; excellent 3. A slang term for a woman who has a large amount of booty.

"Awww, that's so bootyful!"
"Man, that girl is BOOTYful!"

cheappuccino

Any of the wide variety of flavored coffee drinks offered at convenience stores such as Circle K or 7 Eleven that can be purchased for less than half the price of a Starbucks cappuccino.

Let's stop by the Circle K for some cheappuccinos tonight. It's gonna be freakin' cold, and all I've got is $1.25 in my wallet.

bumfuzzle

Bastardization of befuddle, often used reflexively; baffle; to confuse.

You sure bumfuzzled him on that math question

Osculate

Another one of those words that make junior high kids giggle. (It means to kiss.) A sweet, tender passionate kiss( anywere on the body and genitils) with lots of deep throat tongue action.

Osculating with you partner is something you could live off of!

Dweet

(verb) tweeting while intoxicated

Joe did a keg stand and then wrote a dweet about it.

persnickety

per⋅snick⋅et⋅y (per-snik-i-tee)
--adjective
1. Showing particular attention to the details.
2. Related to being picky or fussy--over-particular.
3. Commonly perceived as snobbish or pretentious.
3. Fastidious.

"Don't be so persnickety, who cares which way the toilet roll hangs."

Orgasmaphoric

A description of a sexual activity that is so intense and enlightening that a sense of euphoria follows and is sustained for more than 1 hour.

Looking forward to seeing Tamela and leaving both of us in a orgasmahoric fog for a week

Shadoobie

Taking a huge dump that makes you feel like you lost 20 pounds on the toilet in five minutes; a placefiller for a commonly used four letter s-word that isn't scat

"I just took a huge shadoobie in Chelsea Handler's toilet."

unbeweavable

When a weave goes so bad, it's beyond astonishment. fake hair that is way over the top.

Girl had like fifty different colors up in there and know she was wrong, that's unbeweavable right there.

screwvenir

Rhymes with (souvenir); This is something, a personal item, that you take with you after a night of wild lovemakin', after a booty call, or a one-night-stand, or of course visiting one of the ranches. You take these things without the original owners' knowledge. It could be a t-shirt, cd, lighter, hairbrush, etc., that belonged to the person you just hooked up with. Sort of like a 'souvenir' of the encounter.

"How do you like my bunny ranch hat? It's a screwvenir of my first threesome."

black thumb

A wannabe gardener who kills plants. Opposite of green thumb.

I have killed all the plants in my house. I must have a black thumb.

Bobulated - A feeling of content and that everything is right with the world,bobulation occurs after being given a really good bj

Gomer - Acronym for a jerk or @3!-hat. Short for Get Out of My Emergency Room!

sexiversary

The same as an anniversary, but for the first time you ever have sex with a bunny or for the first time you ever have sex with the person you are currently dating, married to, etc.

sexuation

A combination of two words as in locationship= relationship + location.

Sexuation -(n.) sex or sexual + situation
rarely used in the singular as events are rarely isolated
exception is used in phrase:Once in a liftime sexuation

1. sexual situations

2. more precisely, a situation in which sexual activity is inevitable and one or more individuals present 'cant help themselves' similiar to addiction *see "slutty".
The nympho kept finding herself in bizzarre sexuations.

Kelly and Brian's date turned into a real sexuation when they started kinoodling in public

Ley me define that for ya Cami


confuzzle

confused, mixed-up, experiencing surreal disorientation as if in a swirling, dizzy dream

Hephalumps and woozles
Are so confuzzle -Winnie the Pooh

Nap mouth

The bad taste in your mouth just after waking up from a nap.

"*Yawn* Man I just woke up and now I have nap mouth, god damn."

mistext


A text message containing information (usually unflattering or damaging) about a third party which is sent to the individual it concerns rather than the person for whom the communication is intended.

Text written for secret lover is inadvertently sent to partner, making it a mistext:

"On my way home, partner name suspicious, don't call."

tgiaf

acronym for "Thank God Its Almost Friday", word is only usually used on thursday.

hey guess what?
What?
TGIAF!!!

Masturdating

Going out alone. I.e. seeing a movie by yourself, going to a restaurant alone.

I saw No Country for Old Men twice by myself. I'm addicted to chronic masturdating

pre-festive

The state of premature holiday celebration by means of decorations, singing, or costume.

The Smith family, with their Christmas lights up in October, are quite pre-festive.

boom shakalaka

Exclamation of joy and triumph in one's own accomplishments.
The sound that is heard when someone makes an awesome slam dunk.
Originated from NBA Jam


"BOOM SHAKALAKA!!!!"

Alltheist

A person who tries to claim ties to every religion out of fear of picking the "wrong" one. This in turn forms a paradox because some religions, such as Hinduism and Judiasm contradict each other as the former is polytheistic and the latter explicitly states that there is only one God.

A typical Alltheist may believe in Jesus, Hindu gods, and even the Flying Spaghetti Monster.

Guy: I don't want to go to hell, so I'll just become an Alltheist
Girlfriend: Why am I even going out with you?

Social Terrorism

When someone you know comes to visit unexpectedly and inconveniently, often staying for a long time, and you can't tell them to leave without being rude.

Yesterday, I was just about to go out, and then the doorbell rang. It was Sally, and she invited herself in and stayed for an hour! It was social terrorism!

fantasy cheering

Rooting for a football player you would normally root against because the player is on your fantasy football team.

As the home team was losing, the crowd became frustrated with John's fantasy cheering for the opposing quarterback.

facebook fever

The uncontrollable urge to check one's facebook every time one comes in contact with a computer.

Sam: "Dude, you've been on the computer for four hours reloading the same page. Don't you have a final exam tomorrow?"

Kyle: "Facebook Fever."

Sam: "No one has posted on your wall in days."

Kyle: "How do you know? They could have posted in between now and the last time that I reloaded the page!"

tongue typo


What happens when you know perfectly well what you want to say but it comes out wrong.

It's a tongue typo when you trip over your words and accidentally call your friend Mike instead of by his actual name, Mark.

food baby


Its when you eat so much, that your stomach looks pregnant

Jeez! I ate so much, I look like I am having a food baby!

sex-stoned


The psychological and physiological state resulting from a long lovemaking session, often seen in women after multiple orgasms or a strenuous sexual workout. The physical signs: drooping eyelids, slurred speech, silly grin, sexual flush around the neck and upper chest region, sweaty skin, exhaustion, beet-red thighs and buttocks, overworked sexual organs. The phrase is derived from the common slang "stoned" for being under the influence of marijuana.


I am so sex-stoned, I'm gonna sleep like a baby! or
I've got the munchies, I'm so sex-stoned!

heteroflexible

I'm straight but poopoo happens

I knew she was heteroflexible the minute she walked in the room.

Tamblasm - physiologic function occuring while viewing Tamela Lee's photo's in this thread. Going to take me a few days to recover. You are totally blowing my mind Tamela.

Dracula sneeze

Holding your arm up over your face in a position similar to Dracula holding up his cape and then sneezing into you elbow. (weird )

Do to the H1N1 swine flu pandemic the Centers For Disease Control recommends using the Dracula sneeze technique to avoid spreading germs.

Cellfish

An individual who talks on his or her cell phone even when doing so is rude or inconsiderate of other people.


"Can't you stop talking on the phone while ordering your happy meal -- that's cellfish"

FUBAR

You probably know this one: Fouled,(or Fucked), Up Beyond All Recognition.

You could argue that it is a acronym, but it is used as a word as well.

mac envy October 23 1766 up, 3801 down

a state of mind in which a PC owner realizes his computer sucks, then is immediately jealous of all his mac - owning friends.

"I just upgraded to Vista."
"I got a mac."
"BITCH!"
"That's a case of mac envy if I ever saw it."

illputer

An electronic information storage and processing device, meant to make our lives easier, but tends to complicate it.

I have lost my mind on the illputer.

neverendum

The act of putting a referendum initiative on the ballot over and over, on the theory that voters will eventually support the proposition because they don't want to hear about it anymore.

"A referendum on banning ice cream again? This is the third time they've tried to get this passed in four years."

"I'm voting in favor this time, just to be done with this neverendum."

Pink Balls

Men get blue ones..women can get pink ones. It is when another women talks of a great recipe they made, or pair of shoes they bought, or a great pair of jeans. They get you all excited..stimulated...you can't wait to try it/borrow them. Then you go over to their house to try/check these this items out..but the food is nasty, the jeans/shoes are ugly. Your bubble is deflated, no climax..you just got pink balls!

Hubby: Your home early.

Me: Yeah, my sister gave me pink balls.

Hubby: What!?

Me: Yeah, she told me she made Strawberry-Jello-Pretzel salad, I got all excited and went over to her house to have some.

Hubby: OK, and..

Me: It was GROSS..she made it wrong..took one bite and it wasn't worth the calories. She got me all excited and I just got Pink Balls!

Rodeo Sex

This is done in the Doggy Style position. The Man from behind calls his Wife/Girlfriend by another woman's name and then tries to hold on for 8 seconds.

Spot Tease

A parking spot that appears to be open, but is actually taken by a small car or motorcycle. Also can refer to a car that takes up 90% of its own spot and 10% of the one next to it, leaving no room for another car to park.

Alright! Parking spot just two away from the mall! Wait...damn Smart Car's parked there! Stupid Spot Tease!!!

thumb rests

Those hot little dimples that girls with nice bodies have above their asses. So named because of their use when giving it to a girl from behind.

"God damn, look at the thumb rests on that one. I can only imagine what doggystyle sex would be like with her."

Deja Boo

Wearing the same old Halloween costume to parties, year after year.

Oh, hell, there's Amelia in that same slutty witches costume she wore 5 years ago when she was still skinny and hot!
It's deja boo all over again.

In light of todays voting

nontroversy

A controversy that does not exist until created for political gain. A contraction of non and controversy

Flag-burning is so rare that it is a nontroversy when used by Congress to appear to be protecting family-values.

Dickweed

A weed that grows when the wind blows. Usually grown in the southern states, it has been known to grow well north of New Jersey. Dick weed spreads very easily from area to area, and can grow to huge sizes. It is best not to plant Dick Weed to close to Pussy Willows, otherwise you may get a crop of cumquats.

Look at all that Dickweed! Ut oh, they planted it to close to the Pussy Willows!!

hot mess

When ones thoughts or appearance are in a state of disarray but they maintain an undeniable attractiveness or beauty.

Although Nichole had just awaken, her boyfriend thought she was stunning - she was a hot mess.

cyber hoarding


When a individual has an excessive amount of pointless word documents, pictures, etc. saved on their computer that they will never look at

Cyber hoarding is Katie's flaw because she has 2000+ photos on her computer of random stuff like jellyfish and city landscapes.