I made it home from my visit safely, but exhaustion has hit me like a train. I'll use this thread later to exalt the ladies I had the exquisite delight of meeting. For now, words fail me, and I must sleep.

With a solid 9 hours of sleep behind me, I will try to coalesce my thoughts of what I experienced over the course of the approximately two days I was able to spend near what I now believe should be considered Mecca for the non-religious. "In my own words" is proving difficult, however, so I will borrow (shamelessly plagiarize) descriptions from songs other people have written for which I now bear new understanding.

August 4th:

(I receive a text or two and an email professing excitement at my imminent arrival)

Golden Earring - Radar Love (my flight takes off at 4:29pm central time)


(all the reassurance in the world can't keep me from being nervous about my first appointment at the Love Ranch)
(having gathered the collection of gifts I carefully selected to present each lady I planned to meet, I miscommunicate the time between my hotel and the ranch and inadvertently arrange for the limo to allow me to arrive late)
(I ring the bell twice, and am greeted at the door by the attractive barmaid whose name escapes me now; I am asked if I have an appointment, and a messenger is sent for Kalli Morgan)

(my previous experience with physical intimacy has consisted of rejection or non-pursuit save for an awkward one night stand; I'm not convinced there is ever a "sure thing")

Smashmouth - I'm a Believer (less than 3 minutes elapse between my entrance and Miss Kalli's appearance)


(to be continued...)

I have a feeling that:
This is gunna Get Good!
------------------------------ Charlie

(while chatting at the bar, I mention my later appointments and before I can protest against bothering her before the agreed time on her day off, the lovely Katie Taylor is sent for; Katie is such a sweetheart, she doesn't want to interrupt Kalli and me for too long, so accepts the gift I brought her and excuses herself when Kalli returns)
(in anticipating the events of the party, I have neglected my appetite, and upon revealing this to Kalli, I am undeservedly rewarded with a sandwich she prepares and her compliments; after my unexpected and delicious dinner, Kalli offers me the formal tour and the two of us set off along the narrow halls to her room; the provocative paintings that adorn the walls of the Love Ranch, I learn, are portraits of the ladies who worked there when it opened and still operated illegally)

Party #1

(negotiation begins; I learn I have grossly overestimated my budget; nevertheless, Kalli proves true to her claim, and is very, very generous with me; I'm still stunned and I fear I have forgotten to thank her for that; so thank you very much, Kalli)

Dave Matthews Band - Crash Into Me (the next hour is a blur, I achieve a few "firsts" with a partner)


All-American Rejects - Dance Inside


(after an immaculately paced interlude with no need to hurry, the call comes to re-party, and Miss Kalli again proves herself a giving person; she compliments me on my performance professing skepticism at my inexperience; my research into giving pleasure has paid off; it seems I learn very quickly; a few more minutes to ensure both of us are happy with the events and we return to the parlor)

ZZ Top - Gimme All Your Lovin' (I'm so thrilled with what happened, I later kiss and tell a little bit, sorry Kalli)


(back in the parlor, my second appointment is once again summoned; Katie Taylor arrives, looking adorable in the gift I presented her with at the bar earlier)
(I'm disappointed to report to her that I will not be able to book the party I had intended; she is more than understanding; next time, I hope)
(as I continue to regain the strength to walk, Kalli reappears, and Katie offers to take a picture of us as a souvenir)

(to be continued...)

(leaving the Love Ranch, my driver for the evening, Mike, explains that the return to my hotel will be another driver, as his shift is ending; upon arriving at the Bunny Ranch, he rings the bell once for me, and once inside, a lineup is already waiting)
(Alexis and Felicia are among the six or seven ladies who introduce themselves before my memory fails me as to who else was among them when Kelly Skyline speaks her name; Kelly has serendipitously forgotten her appointment with me, and I'm delighted to choose her out of the lineup instead: another unexpected first, I hadn't planned to see a lineup on the trip)
(after her thorough tour, I have to stall in order to continue recovering from my party with Kalli while I get to talk to the first adult film actress I've ever met in person; Kelly is every bit the darling, soft-spoken girl I have seen in a few of her films, and I feel privileged having met her; I'm fascinated to just inconspicuously observe the ladies who are still awake talking in the parlor before I recognize a break in the conversation and I can steal Kelly away)

Party #2

(after describing what I'm interested in doing with [to?] her for the half-hour, I happily agree to Kelly's offer and we're under way)

Elton John - Tiny Dancer (I get to do exactly what I envisioned, plus fuel my daydreams)


(after a photo or three taken by Bailey, and content that I have seen several of my fantasies fulfilled for the evening, I notify my [new] driver that I am ready to return to my hotel)

(to be continued...)

August 5th:

(arranged transportation arrives shortly after I check out of my hotel; I arrive at the Bunny Ranch gate around noon with my things, and I instruct my driver to buzz twice; I am cordially met by the morning cashier Danielle, who finds a place for me to leave my bag while I wait for my first of two appointments much later that afternoon)
(I find a place to relax in the mostly empty parlor for a few minutes while I sip my sports drink; the dry Nevada air aggravates the cottonmouth afflicting me because of the proximity to beautiful women worse than usual; I recognize Maya Love and Jackie Avalon near the bar, but before long, the primary reason for my trip walks around the corner)

Tom Petty - Here Comes My Girl (it's not clear to me what has yet to be spoken of the twice-consecutive Courtesan of the Year, Anna Suvari)


("Wow." I think I said; my wits have, as expected, abandoned me; I am overwhelmed to have confirmation that the vision before me is indeed a real person and I have to tell her as much; she offers her version of the tour, and we eventually find ourselves in her suite; with several hours before my scheduled appointment, I am already negotiating; having exchanged several messages by email before the trip, my budget and her available time are already mostly compatible and we easily come to an agreement; the party including 'outdate' is then booked immediately, hours in advance of its beginning, and transportation arrangements to and from the restaurant I have chosen are made; my debit card causes me minor frustration until cell phone calls are made and payment is sorted out)

(I also discover it has been arranged without my knowledge, I assume by Anna, for me to stay in one of the separate bungalows behind the main ranch for my 'overnight'; I thought I would have to kill non-party time in the parlor, I am surprised by, and very grateful for the accommodations; I even get to take a much needed nap or two, although it keeps me from revisiting the Love Ranch; sorry again, Kalli and Katie)

(to be continued...)

The one and only Willow

(my alarm goes off to wake me from nap number one; I compose myself to make my way back to the parlor, with more presents to give to pretty girls)

(Willow is energetic and a little giggly to meet in person, maybe because of the chocolate I gave her; her pictures portray her quite accurately in my eyes; her slender figure is very attractive to see up close and she has a healthy appetite for the work she does; her tour includes descriptions of a few toys she enjoys playing with, but having already explained the reason for my appointment, I am not witness to their use)

(not wanting to keep her busy without booking, I withdraw back to my room for a quick freshening and nap #2)

(to be continued...)

Party #3 or A lucid dream...

I awoke from my second nap -- at least I think I did, I may still be asleep -- dressed, and proceeded outside through the gate that separates the bungalows from the Bunny Ranch proper. Stepping through the door next to the Bunny Bar, I was greeted promptly by Miss Anna Suvari. I asked expectantly if she was ready, and was answered affirmatively. She put her arm in mine, and we walked outside where the limousine was waiting to take us to dinner. Once seated at the restaurant, I remembered to compliment her on her dress as I had been too stunned at the beginning of the date to mention it.

Anna is indescribably engaging company. Very quickly she defied my expectations, and I felt like she was a close friend. In conversation, she is all at once: polite, elegant, charming, genuine, sophisticated, inspiring, and very much a lady.

The Nadas - Whisper (I couldn't help but entertain the fantasy that I might one day meet her outside the privacy of her discreet work away from home.)


After dinner was finished and the limousine was again summoned to collect the two of us, she suggested choosing between her suite and the separate room I was given for the night. I chose her room, since she had already prepared for me there. I didn't ask how much time the two of us were allowed, knowing only the amount I had paid, since I never felt like it wouldn't be enough to do everything we both wanted. In that time, Anna never pushed for too much, nor moved too quickly, and she even anticipated a specific fantasy of mine without my asking her first. She was intuitive, gentle, patient, sexy, relaxing, and amazing, expertly dispelling my insecurities before they could dampen the mood without interrupting the flow of things. But describing anything that transpired to any degree of explicit detail would prevent me from calling myself a gentleman.

Dave Matthew Band - Crush

Sixpence None the Richer - Kiss Me

Flyleaf - All Around You

Billy Squier - My Kinda Lover

Foo Fighters - Everlong

Foghat - Slow Ride

Aerosmith - I Don't Want to Miss a Thing


Eventually, the end of the party did arrive. I had somehow, by accident, booked almost exactly enough time for the two of us to contentedly and comfortably wind down. As a bonus, Anna escorted me to my own sleeping arrangements to tuck me in so I could rest before I had to leave for the airport the next morning. I can think of no other way to describe Anna Suvari as concisely as to say she is a professional companion in every sense of the word.

(to be continued...)

Man, it sounds like you had a great time!

Whoo hoo Gooo Bartender looks like a great trip can't wait to hear the rest

August 6th

(the sunrise brightens my room and gently wakes me; I lie in bed a while re-imagining the previous evening; bathroom, bathe, brush, gather my things, and exit the room I am still amazed I had the good fortune of being allowed to use and make my way back to the parlor and bar)
(with one more thing to gift her, I ask if Anna is available yet, hoping she got enough sleep; she is sent for, despite my suggestion that she be allowed to rest uninterrupted until just before I leave; Anna reappears to bask with me in the afterglow of the whole experience; she [correctly] guesses that the rested feeling I have is an illusion; I finally remember to get a picture with her, despite the robe she is wearing instead of dress she wore to dinner; she agrees and graciously returns to me the wits I had earlier misplaced, thus enabling me to write this review coherently)

Sugarbomb - Hello (there should be no question that I wish to repeat the trip)


(unfortunately, the remainder of the day is subsequently ruined by 13 hours in airplanes and airports on not enough sleep only to be redeemed by the Wendy's Spicy Chicken Sandwich combo on the car ride home after my last of three flights touches down; two layovers? never again, expedia, never again)

(to be concluded...)

Dennis Hof himself has been quoted as saying he will never date a non-working girl again. I now completely understand that decision. Everyone involved in this experience will be remembered fondly as long as my synapses keep firing correctly.

Special thanks are due the often commando Kalli Morgan, Katie 'TattooBabe' Taylor, sexy Kelly Skyline, one and only Willow, and last but far from least, the enchanting Anna Suvari. Honorable mention goes as well to everyone with the patience and fortitude to read through this entire review. I must also apologize for its bias, my trip was planned with Anna as the focus, and expanded to include more of my impulses than I could easily fit into the relatively short time allotted.

If there were a thousand words to describe the picture of my stay, every one of them would be perfect. My only worry now is whether or not I have been ruined for other women.

finis

WOW !!!!!!

I am soooooo happy you had such a great time. I want to thank you again for my gifts. I love them both. You are a true gentleman!
I had so much fun getting to know you. It was my pleasure making you dinner and then thank you for dessert......
I look forward to the next time.
Kisses, Kalli

Wow! From dinner to the main course -- wink -- to the afterparty and the morning that followed, you were a wonderful, engaging companion. I can't thank you enough!

I also very much appreciate the Pixar movies. I will always think of you when I see them!

Hope to see you again, sexy!

Kisses,

Anna

Rest assured, I will return the very moment I am able.

I will eagerly await you!

I can't wait!