I love them, heres one you might enjoy. If you have more post them.



Q: How many blondes does it take to make chocolate chip cookies?
A: 100. One to make the batter and 99 to crack the shells on the M&Ms.

LOL Dennis that's funny.

Hugs & Kisses,
Lailani

How do you get a blonde off of her knees?
Come.

how can someone make a blond thinking a whole day?
invite her for lunch/dinner in a restaurant with round tables and ask her to sit in the corner

how you can take the sit/place of a blond in the plane?
tell her that the places for passengers destined to london are in the back

why a blond change her baby diapers once a month?
because in the label writes up to 10 kilos

whats the favourite cell phone brand of the blondes?
anyone that has vibration

why the blonds dont eat bananas?
cause they cant unzip them

This one I heard years ago.

How do you confuse a blonde?

Put her in a round room and tell her to sit in the corner.

A blonde goes to an office party and wins a thermos.
The blonde asks a co-worker, "What does it do?" He says it keeps hot things hot and cold things cold.

The next day the blond goes to work after filling her thermos with ice cream and tea.

I found these on google and thought I would share them with y'all...lol

Why did the blonde put lipstick on her forehead?
Because she was trying to make up her mind.

When a blonde working at the local Taco Bell was asked to put minimal lettuce on an order she replied, "I'm sorry, we only have iceberg.

What do you get when you put seven blondes in a freezer?
Frosted Flakes

While waiting at a cross walk for the light to change, a blonde asked why the signal was buzzing. When she was told that it was to let blind people know when the light was red, she replied, "What in the world are blind people doing driving?

Why do blondes always smile during lightning storms?

They think their picture is being taken.


I thought these were cute...lol

Lailani Kiss

It was snowing heavily and blowing to the point that visibility was almost zero when the little blonde got off work.

She made her way to her car and wondered how she was going to make it home.

She sat in her car while it warmed up and thought about her situation.

She finally remembered her Daddy's advice that if she got caught in a blizzard she should wait for a snow plow to come by and follow it......
that way she would not get stuck in a snow drift. This made her feel much better and sure enough in a little while a snow plow went by and she started to follow it.

As she followed the snow plow she was feeling very smug as they continued and she was not having any problem with the blizzard conditions.

After an hour had passed, she was somewhat surprised when the snowplow stopped and the driver got out and came back to her car and signaled for her to roll down her window.

The snow plow driver wanted to know if she was all right as she had been following him for a long time. She said that she was fine and told him of her Daddy's advice to follow a snow plow when caught in a blizzard.

The driver replied that it was ok with him and she could continue if she wanted, but he was done with the Wal-Mart parking lot and was going over to Sears next.



hili

I like the lettuce one. I wonder what the blonde thinks a lettuce wrap is?

Q: What's a blonde's idea of safe sex?
A: Locking the car door.

Q: What's the difference between a blonde and a solar powered calculator?
A: The blonde works in the dark!

Q: Why was the blondes' belly button sore ?
A: Because her boyfriend was blonde too.

Q: What do peroxide blonds and black men have in common?
A: They both have black roots.

I love these and I love blondes!

Cheyanne your looking so hot

Q: their is a dumb blonde, a smart blonde, and Santa Claus walking down the street they see a 100$ bill who picks it up first?

A: The dumb blonde, the others don't exist.




Their is a blonde who works her ass off everyday in a big corporation. All the guys tease her all the time about being a blonde. Well one day all her hard work paid off for her and became the new owner of the business. So she called ALL the employees in to listen to her speech and says. Hey if any one of you assholes as much as think about saying another blonde joke I will shut this company down and fire everyone!!! Well one day she's in the elevator and these guys are talking back and forth "Did you see that blonde today rowing a boat down the interstate?" other guy "Yeah man I saw that to!" So the blonde gets ticked off and yells it out! I'm sick of this crap GET THE HELL OUT OF HERE YOUR ALL FIRED! So she shut down the company and on her way home she sees this blonde rowing a boat down the highway and says. YOU STUPID BITCH IF I KNEW HOW TO SWIM I"D COME OVER THERE AND KICK YOUR ASS!

Anyone got any brunette jokes?! Or are we far too intellegent to warrant being joked about hehe xxx

What do you call a bunch of blondes standing in a row? A wind tunnel.
What do you call a blonde who dyes her hair another color? Artificial intelligence.

Dennis and girls....those are all good ones!!
Stargirl27....I got a brunnette joke for ya....

A brunette is overweight, so her doctor puts her on a diet.
"I want you to eat regularly for 2 days than skip a day and repeat this procedure for 2 weeks. Next time I see you, you'll have lost at least 5 pounds. When the brunette returs she's lost nearly 20 pounds " Why that's amazing" Doctor says. "Did you follow my instructions?" The brunette nods "I'll tell you though...I thought I was gonna drop dead the 3rd day". "From hunger you mean?" asked the doctor. "No, from all the skipping"

I couldn't believe their was a actually a brunette jokes website

stacey

I got 1. A guy decides to kill himself and the way he's going to do it is by jumping off a 50 story bunny ranch. As she jumps off the ledge, he changes his mind . He starts to scream " help someons HELP!" At around the 40th floor a beautiful red head reaches out her window and catches the guy. He says screaming of appreciatively " Thank you Thank you I will do anything you ask of me for saving my life". The hot red head looks around and whispers to the guy "Do you eat pussy? " The guy in shock replies " How dare you take advantage of this situation". The bunny replies "Suit yourself" and lets him go. The guy once again screams for help and about the 30th floor a hot brunette reaches out and catches him. He tells her " Thank so much for saving me, I will do anything u ask of me"! The sexy brunette looks straight into his eyes and says "You will have to toss my salad to repay my generosity ". The guy surprised once again replies "Yells at the brunette "HOW DARE YOU TAKE ADVANTAGE OF THIS SITUATION"! The brunette tells him "Suit your self" and lets him go. Screaming with confusion, repentance, fear and all his might for help a blonde catches him at the 20th floor. The guy,not wanting to die, tells the blonde " I'll eat your pussy and toss your salad Please just save me!!!!!! The blonde, god bless her soul, screams at the guy and says " YOU PERVERT" and let's him go........
Grateful

Ooh, I've got one!

Q. What do you call a brunette in a room full of blondes?
A. Invisible

Good One Stacey

Anna you are so hehe

Why did the blonde wear panties?

To keep her ankles warm!

Anna....yes you are so Hee Hee

Stacey

Thanks Rangerwalker......Muah

Stacey

Got couple more.....


Question: What's black and blue and brown and laying in a ditch?
Answer: A brunette who's told too many blond jokes


Question: What's the brunette's mating call?
Answer: Has the blond left yet?

Stacey

Hehe! Love it!

Thanks for your joke too Anna....sad but true!



xxx

A man boarded an airplane in New Orleans with a box of frozen crabs and asked a blonde, female crew member to take care of the box for him. She took the box and promised to put it in the crew's refrigerator.

He pointedly advised her that he was holding her personally responsible for the crabs staying frozen, mentioned that he was a lawyer, and proceeded to rant at her about what would happen if she let them thaw out.

Needless to say, she was annoyed by his behavior.

Shortly before landing in New York, she used the intercom to announce to the entire cabin, "Would the gentleman who gave me the crabs in New Orleans please raise your hand?"

Not one hand went up ... So she took them home and ate them.

Two lessons here:
1. Men never learn.
2. Blondes aren't as dumb as some men think.

A blonde calls her boyfriend and says, 'Please come over here and help me.
I have a killer jigsaw puzzle, and I can't figure out how to get started.'

Her boyfriend asks, 'What is it supposed to be when it's finished?'

The blonde says, 'According to the picture on the box, it's a rooster.'

Her boyfriend decides to go over and help with the puzzle.

She lets him in and shows him where she has the puzzle spread all over the table.

He studies the pieces for a moment, then looks at the box, then turns to her and says,

'First of all, no matter what we do, we're not going to be able to assemble these pieces into anything resembling a rooster.'

He takes her hand and says, 'Second, I want you to relax. Let's have a nice cup of tea, and then ..' he said with a deep sigh...




(scroll down)










'Let's put all the Corn Flakes back in the box.'

Q. What do brunettes miss most about a great party?
A. The invitation

Im loving it! xxx

Why are most blonde jokes one-liners?

So that men can understand them!

Q: Is it true blonds have more fun?
A: No. They have ALL the fun.

Flight School


A blonde went to a flight school, insisting she wanted to learn to fly that day. As all the planes were currently in use, the owner agreed to instruct her on how to pilot the helicopter solo by radio.

He took her out, showed her how to start it, and gave her the basics and sent her on her way.

After she climbed 1000 feet, she radioed in. "I'm doing great! I love it! The view is so beautiful, and I'm starting to get the hang of this."

After 2000 feet, she radioed again, saying how easy it was becoming to fly. The instructor watched her climb over 3000 feet, and was beginning to worry that she hadn't radioed in.

A few minutes later, he watched in horror as she crashed about half a mile away. He ran over and pulled her from the wreckage.

When he asked what happened, she said,

"I don't know! Everything was going fine, but as I got higher, I was starting to get cold. I can't remember anything after I turned off the big fan."

Q: What's brown and red and black and blue?
A: A brunette who's told one too many blonde jokes

Q: Why do so many woman want and have blond hair?

A: When it starts to turn grey, it's eaiser to hide!

A blonde walks into a Florida shoe store and falls in love with the alligator shoes but decides they're too expensive.
She mutters something about getting her own and leaves.
Later, the store manager is driving home when he sees her by the swamp with a rifle and a pile of alligators next to her.
As he moves closer, she throws another alligator on the pile and says...
"Damn, no shoes on that one either."

I have a joke as well.

Q: How do you make a blond's eyes light up?

A: Shine a light in her ear.

Two casino dealers are at the craps table when a cute blonde comes over and says, "I want to bet twenty thousand dollars on a single roll of the dice. But, if you don't mind, I'd I feel much luckier if I were completely nude." They say fine, she strips naked from the neck down, and rolls the dice. Then she screams, "I won! I won!" She starts jumping up and down, hugs each of the dealers, and then picks up her money and her clothes and walks away. For a minute the two dealers stare at each other. Then the first one says, "What did she roll, anyway?" The second dealer says, "I don't know. I thought you were watching."

A blonde and a lawyer are seated next to each other on a flight from LA to NY. The lawyer asks if she would like to play a fun game? The blonde, tired, just wants to take a nap, politely declines and rolls over to the window to catch a few winks. The lawyer persists and explains that the game is easy and a lot of fun. He explains, "I ask you a question, and if you don't know the answer, you pay me $5.00, and vice versa. " Again, she declines and tries to get some sleep. The lawyer, now agitated, says, "Okay, if you don't know the answer you pay me $5.00, and if I don't know the answer, I will pay you $500.00." This catches the blonde's attention and, figuring there will be no end to this torment unless she plays, agrees to the game. The lawyer asks the first question. "What's the distance from the earth to the moon?" The blonde doesn't say a word, reaches into her purse, pulls out a $5.00 bill and hands it to the lawyer. "Okay" says the lawyer, "your turn." She asks the lawyer, "What goes up a hill with three legs and comes down with four legs?" The lawyer, puzzled, takes out his laptop computer and searches all his references, no answer. He taps into the air phone with his modem and searches the net and the library of congress, no answer.

Frustrated, he sends e-mails to all his friends and coworkers, to no avail. After an hour, he wakes the blonde, and hands her $500.00. The blonde says, "Thank you," and turns back to get some more sleep. The lawyer, who is more than a little miffed, wakes the blonde and asks, "Well, what's the answer?" Without a word, the blonde reaches into her purse, hands the lawyer $5.00, and goes back to sleep.

Do you know why a blonde makes you wear a condom?

So she can have a doggy bag for later.

What happened to the blonde when she farted?

She got a migraine, because her brains are in her ass.

These are so funny!
I have one.

Q:How does a blonde turn a light on after sex?


A:Opens the car door.


Q: What's a blondes mating call?

A: I think I'm drunk.


Q: What's a brunnettes?


A: Is that blonde gone yet?

I met Lailani yesterday what a fun girl?

It was very nice to meet you Daddy D!

Big Hugs & Kisses,
Lailani

LOVE THIS ONE!

Pulling out of the harley's today

How many blondes does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two.

One to hold the light bulb in place and one to spin the ladder around.

I think you need your ladder spun!

Oh yeah, my ladder needs a good spinnin'... It needs to be spinning like a drunk guy on a merry go 'round.

check out this one, Daddy D.......

A blond is driving down a deserted highway when she gets pulled over.

The cop gets out of his car and asks if she has been drinking and she replies "No".

So he radios the station and asks what to do.

The cop at the station says "Is she a blond driving a lipstick red corvet?" and the cop replies "Yes".

So the other cop says "What you do is tell her to get out of the car and pull out your dick as you walk up to her".

So the cop does exactlly what the other cop says. The blond gets out of the car and he whips out his dick.

The blond "sighs" and says please not another breathalizer test.

Why does a blond give better head?

Because we r better at it!

(haha jk no offense to non blondes)

That was funny baby

very funny, i like the chocolate chip cookie one the best

Ok brunettes, anyone going to support you guys?

The silence is telling!

I am amazed the dark haired girls are not this, they must be acting blonde.

what about this?

Q: Why did the blonde think it was Sunday?

A: Because the sun was out.

Kelly, its sunny out, maybe a threesome with sunny Lane?

A Russian, an American, and a brunette were talking one day. The Russian said, "We were the first in space!"

The American said, "We were the first on the moon!"

The brunette said, "So what, we’re going to be the first on the sun!"

The Russian and the American looked at each other and shook their heads. "You can’t land on the sun, you idiot! You’ll burn up!" said the Russian.

To which the brunette replied, "We’re not stupid, you know. We’re going at night!"

[/color]
Why do blondes give such good blowjobs?

Because that's what they train for all their lives.

Here are some blonde jokes that I get laughs with regularly:

Q: What do a blonde and spaghetti have in common?
A: They both wriggle when you eat them

Q: How do you know your boss has a blonde secretary?
A: The computer screen has white out on it.

Q: Did you hear about the blonde who tried to blow up her boyfriend's car?
A: She burned her lips on the tailpipe

Q. What do you call a brunette grabbing at air?

A. Collecting her thoughts.

Good one Anna. Here are a few more:

Q: Why did the blonde nurse bring a red marker to work?
A: In case she had to draw blood

Q: What's the difference between a smart blonde and Bigfoot?
A: Bigfoot's been spotted

Q: Why couldn't the blonde make ice cubes?
A: She lost the recipe

Q: Why are blonde jokes so easy to understand?
A: So brunettes can understand them

There was a married blonde who was concerned about her stupidity to her husband. She decided to make it up to him by painting their home.

When her husband came home, he smelled the paint so he went to his wife to see what was going on. He went into the bathroom and observed that she was wearing a ski jacket on top of a leather jacket. He says, "I like what you've done with the house but why are you wearing a ski jacket on top of a leather jacket?"

The blonde replies, "When I was reading the instructions on the can it said 'For best results, use two coats'".

What does a blonde do first thing in the morning?
Goes home.

How does a blonde turn on the light in the morning?
Opens the car door.

Why does a blonde's belly button hurt after sex?
Her boyfriend is also blonde.

Two blondes walk into a building...how did neither of them see that coming?

A surgeon went to check on his blonde patient after an operation.

She was awake, so he examined her.
"You'll be fine," he said.

She asked,
"How long will it be before I am able to have a normal sex life again doctor?"
The surgeon seemed to pause, which alarmed the girl.

"What's the matter Doctor? I will be all right, won't I?"

He replied,
"Yes, you'll be fine.
It's just that no one has ever asked me that after having their tonsils out."


Chili

Stay!





I pulled into the crowded parking lot at the

local shopping center and rolled
Down the car windows to make sure my
Labrador Retriever Pup had fresh air..



She was stretched full-out on the back seat
And I wanted to impress upon her that she must
remain there.

I walked to the curb backward,
Pointing my finger at the car and saying emphatically,
'Now you stay. Do you hear me?'

'Stay! Stay!'

The driver of a nearby car, a pretty blonde young lady,
Gave me a strange look and said,



'Why don't you just put it in Park?


Chili

A gorgeous young redhead goes into the doctor's office and said that her body hurt wherever she touched it.

'Impossible!' says the doctor. 'Show me.'

The redhead took her finger, pushed on her left shoulder and screamed, then she pushed her elbow and screamed even more. She pushed her knee and screamed; likewise she pushed her ankle and screamed. Everywhere she touched made her scream.

The doctor said, 'You're not really a redhead, are you?

'Well, no' she said, 'I'm actually a blonde.'

'I thought so,' the doctor said. 'Your finger is broken.'

There are three women trapped on an island, a blonde, a brunet and a redhead.

The blonde says, "Make me smarter so I can get off this island." She then turns into a brunet and swims off.

The brunette says, "Make me smarter so I can get off this island." She then turns into a redhead and builds a raft.

Finally, the redhead says, "Make me smarter so I can get off this island." She then turns into a man and walks across the bridge.

There was this bar and in the bar there was a magic mirror.

If you told a lie it would suck you in.

One day a brunette walked into this bar. She walked up to the mirror and said 'I think I'm the most beautiful woman
in the world' and it sucked her in.

The next day a redhead walked into the bar. She walked up to the mirror and said 'I think I'm the most beautiful woman
in the world' and it sucked her in.

Then the next day a blond walked into the bar. She walked up to the mirror and said 'I think...' and it sucked her in.


~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~


Blond Logic

January - Took new scarf back to store because it was too tight.

February - Fired from pharmacy job for failing to print labels....."duh".....bottles won't fit in typewriter!!!

March - Got excited.....finished jigsaw puzzle in 6 months.....box said "2-4 years!"

April - Trapped on escalator for hours.....power went out!!!

May - Tried to make Kool-Aid.....8 cups of water won't fit into those little packets!!!

June - Tried to go water skiing.....couldn't find a lake with a slope.

July - Lost breast stroke swimming competition.....learned later, other swimmers cheated, they used their arms!!!

August - Got locked out of car in rain storm.....car swamped, because top was down.

September - The capital of California is "C".....isn't it???

October - Hate M & M's.....they are so hard to peel.

November - Baked turkey for 4 1/2 days.....instructions said 1 hour per pound and I weigh 108!!!

December - Couldn't call 911....."duh".....there's no "eleven" button on the phone!!!

What a year!!

one American, one Italian, one Arabic and French are in a bar.

The American begins concersation and said:
"With us, we have the CIA and we know everything before everyone else."

The Italian continued:
"At home, we have the most beautiful brunettes of worlds."

The Arab spoke in turn:
"For me, we're the most beautiful carpets in the world."

All three turned to the French, who answers:
"Yesterday, I make love to an Italian brunettes on an Arabic carpet and the CIA do not know yet."

Here's a couple for ya....

Did you hear about the blonde who had two chances to get pregnant?
- She blew it both times
(now the blondes are going I don't get it)

or

An American college student is backpacking through northern Europe. At a bar, he picks up a good looking blonde. He takes her to a near by hotel to have sex. After he'd climaxed, he asked her, "So, you finish?"
"No," she replied so he started up again. He came a second time, and asked again..."You finish?"
Again she said "No." Once more he went at it, and after coming for a third time....exhausted...he asks," Now you finish?"
"No," she answered. "I'm Swedish!"

Too funny....

Why did the blonde get fired from the M&M factory?

She was throwing out the W's.

Brunette and blonde were siting at the bar next to a handsome gentleman.
Suddenly blonde turns to brunette and whispers to her ear.
Have you noticed all that dandruff on this guy's shirt collar?
Brunette said, yah I did. Somebody should give this guy Head n' Shoulders.
Blonde got the big smile on her face and asked. But how do you give shoulders?

What is the difference between a washing machine and a Blonde?

A washing machine doesn't follow you around, after you dump your load in it.


What is the difference between a Blonde and a mosquito?

A mosquito stops sucking when you smack it on the head.

You are a blonde on a bus, when you suddenly fart.

Luckily the music is very loud.

So every time you fart, you time it with the music.

When you start making your way to the door as you exit the bus, you
notice that everyone is throwing dagger looks at you, and suddenly
you realize..........

You're listening to your I-Pod!

Q. How do you get a blonde to climb onto the roof?

A. Tell her drinks are on the house.

I never heard that one before!

I have 4 blonde daughters (all adults now) who collect blonde jokes, and I'm holding my aching sides from laughing at the ones I hadn't heard before (and will pass along to said daughters ASAP).

Okay, here's my contribution:

A blonde, a brunette and a redhead are sitting in the OB/GYN's office, waiting for their appointments; the redhead is smiling broadly, and the brunette asks her why. The redhead responds, "Well, I'm pregnant, and we're having a boy."

The brunette, who is also pregnant, is puzzled, because it's clearly too early for the redhead to have had the tests that show the sex of the child, so she asks, "How do you know?"

The redhead blushes a little and answers, "Because my husband was on top."

This answer causes the brunette to start smiling broadly, and the redhead looks at her quizically, so she also blushes a little and says, "Oh, that's so great! That means I'm having a girl, because I was on top!"

The blonde, who has been listening carefully to the other women, suddenly bursts into hysterical tears, and they rush over to comfort her, asking what the problem is. Between hiccuping sobs, the blonde weeps, "Oh, dear lord, I'm having puppies!"

Why does it take longer to make a blonde snowman?

Because you have to hollow out the head.


Why don't blondes eat bananas?

They can't find the zipper.

How many blonds does it take to screw in a light bulb? Just one to hold the light bulb and wait for the world to revolve around her.

During a security check at a large corporation the auditor noticed an unusual password:

MickeyMinniePlutoHueyLouieDeweyDonaldGoofySeattle

When he went to the workstation of the employee he found a beautiful blonder typing away. So he approaches her and asks why such a long and unusual password. To which she replied I was told my paswsword had to be 8 characters and a least one capital

Shoulders for when after sex, you decide to wrestle and you jump up atop a gentlemen's shoulders with the woman's thighs around his ears and her wet pussy on the back of your neck giving you a nice hot cloth to stay warm with....then you feel her tickle her feet on your stomach to make you giggle with glee

Then you stand up off the bed and walk around Destiny's room with your hands around her barely shaven legs that are as soft as silk.

Q: How can u tell if a blonde uses a vibrator?

A: Her teeth are chipped...



Q: What did the blonde say when she opened her Cheerios?

A: OH LOOK! Donut seeds!!


Hope ya'll enjoy those.. Yay! It's almost the weekend!!

Q: How does a horny guy spell relief?
A: B-L-O-N-D-E.

I love blondes.

Come on girls defend yourselves

Two women,a blonde and a brunette were riding in the elevator in their office building. The brunette notices something on the back wall of the elevator and says "That looks like cum!" The blonde,intrigued,walks over,licks the spot and says "Yep,it's cum alright,but nobody that works in this building."

A blonde's car suffered body damage during a recent hail storm. She goes to the local bodyshop for a repair estimate. Upon finding out the cost to repair the damage and that her insurance didn't cover the repair,she asked was there a cheaper way to fix the car. The bodyshop manager,knowing the blonde would fall for anything ,told her if she blew into the tailpipe really hard it would pop the dents out. Once back home her roommate,another blonde,sees the first blowing as hard as she can into the car's tailpipe and asks what's she's doing? The first blonde explains that she's blowing into the pipe like the bodyshop told her to pop out all the dents. The roommate replied,"Ok,but it won't work unless you roll the windows up!"

Love it

Surprised these aren't on here already....

Q: What do u call a blonde with a dollar on her head?

A: All you can eat under a buck!


Q: what do you call a smart blonde?

A; An impostor!

Just heard this one Dennis.
A man comes home to find his neighbor,a blonde woman, outside jumping up and down ecstatically.The neighbor asks "What are you so excited about?" to which the blonde replied "I just found out I'm pregnant and I'm having twins!" "How do you know your having twins?" asked the neighbor. "Well,said the blonde I went to the drugstore and bought a twin pack of pregancy test and they both came back positive!"

How does a blonde practice safe sex?
She puts on her seat belt.

What do you call a dozen blondes in a freezer?
Frosted flakes.

What do you call a blonde who dyes her hair brown?
Artificially intelligent.