I've been visiting Dennis Hof's brothels for about two years now, and while that still leaves me a novice, I've learned a few things that might be of use to even greener novices. I've discovered a few pitfalls and have suggestions for dealing with them.

You may have had one or more of those brothel visits that leave you thinking: damn, not only did I leave my money there, I left my self-respect as well. I think these are common: I've had several. All I can say is, to be blunt, you (I) chose poorly. My advice: don't give up on the ladies, just don't be fooled by cover-girl appearance, great cleavage, and a flashy smile; look deeper. There are lots of wonderful women there, and you are ill-advised to choose on looks alone. You want one who understands, in the words of my current heart-throb, Jill Chandler, that "it's not about the orgasms, it's about the interaction." You can come five times and go away feeling deflated, or you can come not at all and float away on cloud nine. You need to find chemistry, both physical and psychological. You can't be sure of the former without some physical contact (though that can be as little as a hand-squeeze); but you can get some idea of the latter by taking your time with the lady before you party. Buy her a drink and talk. And if you sense a coldness, slide away. A few sure-fire good choices: Jill and Gillian Sloan (both of whom are, by happy coincidence, breathtakingly beautiful as well as warm).

Then there's the opposite problem: not only don't you go away feeling deflated, you fall in love. I don't recommend this (but just try to stop yourself!). Just remember, if you find yourself constantly daydreaming about her afterward, sending lovesick emails to her, etc., that you are on a road to misery. Don't confuse the personal with the professional (though that is perfectly understandable): these are professional ladies and they can't be falling for their clients (though the best of them give you that impression when you're with them). So my advice is: have an incredible time when you're with her, schedule your next party if you want, allow yourself a day or two to float a foot above the ground, then get over it (this is, of course, more easily said than done). When you find yourself obsessively sending post-party head-in-the-clouds emails to her and you get no response, or not the response you hoped for, follow the advice of spiritual teacher Eckhart Tolle: "cooperate with the movement of life, internally, always". You can't have what you want (which is to be her favorite, her man-among-men, isn't it?) and will instead have to accept what life offers, and she will help you understand that, one way or another. This one probably needs to be learned the hard way, but maybe a little forethought will help. At least, know that you're not alone: I've been there.

The last thought I want to share (and that the beautiful Jill and Gillian have helped me to see) is that it seems to me that the brothel can be, contrary to what i take to be popular opinion, largely a place of love, mutual respect, and joy. Oh, sure, anytime you get a bunch of people living together there will be cliques, vendettas, etc. (my office comes to mind) - but, at least at Moonlite and Love Ranch, what I see dominating is an atmosphere of warmth and peace (I credit Dennis and the madams, in part, for this - and the natural loving energy and wisdom of the ladies). Part of the joy of the experience is getting into that community, enjoying the bartenders and office staff (who always seem like wonderful people), the banter and affection between the girls, etc. That same loving community, I am now seeing, can be found in this message board.

What a great post and thank you so much for mentioning me.

I couldn't agree with this more. Some of my best friends are my coworkers here at the love ranch.

Great post Mark, i' ve been visiting the brothels
Outside Reno and CC since 1997,
Your right, I have made the mistake
Of falling for cleavage, pretty eyes,
Sexy smiles, only to be out $$$& later,
And very disappointed. Over the years, for
The most part, I've tried to engage some
Of the ladies, before going back to
Their room, chemistry "can" go a long way &
Yes I have walked out because the vibe,
Connection, chemistry was not there.

What a very poignant and articulate post! I have to agree that its about the chemistry and connection between two people and not necessarily about the sex.....

Well said Mark!

markincc,

Excellent post!!!

Your post is one that everyone thinking about making a trip to a brothel should read, especially for a first-time brothel visitor but even the experienced folks have something to gain from your post as they can also forget about some of the things you mentioned.

The Hiking Guy

I could not agree with this more. But I am glad you had a fun time with Jill and Gillian. They are very fun to be with.

Always Willing,

Veronica

Really good advice

Absolutely a great post I must say. I can honestly say that I am still a newbie at the whole brothel thing even though I have made two trips out there. Having chemistry with a lady makes the party. The more chemistry there is between you and the lady of your choice, the greater the experience you will be having in the room.

You make some good and interesting points, isurfer; but I have to take issue with you on a few of them. First: regarding a lady having an off-day: I tell the people who work for me in customer-relations jobs that it is not an option to let their personal issues or the way they feel adversely affect their demeanor with the clients. If they can't put on the right face, they should take the day off. That is even more true in this situation, where the relationship IS the product.

Second: I very much disagree on your assessment of the beauty of Jill and Gillian - but let each person judge that for himself. To me, inner and outer beauty fuse into an indiscriminable whole - but either of these women would turn my head if I saw them in a supermarket, and I'd think, wow, what a hottie! Either of them would pass for 30, a well-preserved 30.

Awkward running commentary on specific women's physical looks aside , all of this has been very insightful and well written. Thank you for sharing.

Personally I find both women you mentioned to be very pretty and women who are older than me (note I did NOT say old, just older than me and I consider myself pretty young ) to be highly attractive.

Good Stuff Mark, it's the whole package that made it for me. You can probably guess who made the cut and got in my sig.

Jill would also say, "It's all about the bums. "

Hey markincc loved your article, very well written. Just wanted to respond to a couple of things to maybe better help some peoples out.

I think maybe that's my biggest fear about visiting the Ranch. It's a fine line to walk: finding the lady that catches your eye and fills whatever needs you have, getting to know her, finding a connection, having a great time together.. and then walking away from it like it's no big deal. Like it wasn't life-changing, or something you rarely experience.

It seems a little easier when I remind myself that, if it was real, she'd probably never hook up with me in the first place. But still, nobody wants to be that guy.. there's enough embarassment and heartbreak out there without paying for more.

Very useful advice and a great topic. I was thinking about what I should write, then I saw Cami's post and just had to say I agree with her. Cami - that's perfect what you wrote.

The Ranches really do help to bring out what is already inside of you. The affections, romance, attraction, intimacy - that is all possible to recreate outside of the Ranches with other women. Let the Ranches inspire you and bring out the best in you.

As far as what a few people have mentioned about paying for it and the ladies being professionals - please remember that all of us ladies have made a conscious decision to work at a legal brothel. We want to be here - we love what we do and we have great affection for the gentlemen who see us. I value every person that has came to see me as a friend. I know that the gentlemen have many options for which lady to choose, and I am always flattered and excited when they choose me. It's possible to be 'professional' as a working girl, but also to have friendships with the gentlemen.

We really are a close community and I think that the message boards make that evident. Great post/topic - thank you guys for adding your opinions!

xoxo

Natalia

You know that did work for me. However I picked my partner a little too well it seems. Because the lady I partied with as well as the ones whom I've been in serious discussions with about partying with on my next visit, have all convinced me in the "real world" I would actually have a good shot with them LOL !!

Seriously though, that was my second biggest fear as well. Particularly having come out of a two year fight with depression and anxiety, I anticipated that might happen and was very concerned about falling into another sever bout of depression. I did not want to spend another two years climbing out of that hole again and frankly was concerned that a second fall might be far more severe. Would you believe I actually spoke about this to my doc ?

Doc was seriously pissed off when he found out I hadn't had sex ! "WTF are you doing sitting in that dam apartment ! Get the F out of there and back into life !! I don't care how you get pussy, so long as she's willing and you use protection. You need to feel emotions both good and bad. If those feelings become too extreme and unmanageable, get back in here as that's what I'm here to help you with".

So yeah, you could say I took this concern seriously. Ultimately, it wasn't that bad so far as developing a crush is concerned. Yeah I became a bit smitten, yeah when I came back home there was a bit of a let down and a period of acute depression. However, doc man was right. It was GREAT to feel emotions again, both the nervousness, fear, and euphoria.

Everybody is different and has to make their own decisions on stuff like that so far as if they are ready. If you are like I was and have just come out of some kind of situation severe enough to require the aide of mental health professional; definitely be cautious and make sure you're able to stand on your own two feet without help first !!

Having said that, I would not all that fear to completely hold you back. See it as as potential hazard to prepare for in advance. I for one found the positive results greatly out weighted the negative consequences substantially !!

My visit made me feel like I was vital, made me feel like I was actually living life again. Overall its been a real blessing in terms of how its gotten me back into life and willing to take risks that 18 months ago I would have been too afraid to take for fear of the consequences.

Speaking of risks, I got a move to Denver I need to get back to preparing for.

Mike, out

Sorry one last thing. I totally get you on that concern too. That's why one of the things I put a great deal of emphasis on when speaking to ladies about my 1st booking which was to loose my virginity; I wanted to become friends with them as much as anything. NOT girlfriend/boyfriend, just friends and ideally be able to keep in touch for a while afterwards.

One of my questions to her was "I don't want to pry into your personal life but can you simply tell me this. 6 months from now will you still be here or will you have moved on to other things ?". I went on to express that very concern to her. I was fortunate in that the lady was all about legitimately making friends, even felt it was important given I was a virgin. Not sure when we'll party again but she's been true to her word and kept in touch with me actually quite a bit. It made that aspect of things so much easier.

If she had wanted nothing more to do with me after the party, I think it would have been very difficult and hard on me. So I'm really grateful she kept her promise to me to stay in touch.

Yeah, probably within the next two years she'll disappear from the ranches as she's got some other goals to pursue in her life. It will be a bummer for me to not have any contact with her after that, but I'll deal with that when it gets there. Mentally I know that day will one day come and kind of am braced for it if you will.

Ultimately, it has resulted in the experience being one that was very meaningful to me, I am very glad I did things that way, and will forever be grateful to her for making it such a wonderful experience. Much of those feelings are due to the fact that we've become such good friends.

There are several women at the ranches who have a similar approach. I don't want to name names as inevitably I would forget a few and feel bad about doing so. But do your research, talk to them in private. Most will be sincere, some maybe not as much. Correct me if I'm wrong but I think you are like me and in your late 20's-early 30's. So I'm sure you've seen enough of the real world to have a pretty good poopoo detector. You'll be able to figure things out and when in doubt, go with what your gut instinct is telling you as seldom will it lead you astray.

Best of luck. Now Mikey gotta go study and this time I really mean it LOL !!

Dude, you so going to thank me when you see where my sick twisted mind just went!

Get your doc to write that on a script pad. Call it a prescription and start submitting your ranch trips to your insurance for reimbursement!!! That is exactly what my grandfather did for getting out of cold weather by doctors orders and it worked for him. It was years ago but worth a shot. Damn, I would need a million refills, preferably just a script for take prn!

Amazing post you put everything great.

As usual you get me reading from the first to the last word. You sure make your words a great reading Mike. I am happy that as you learn you are sharing it and potentially helping others. I believe in being authentic always, it will get you further with people. Once you show that you truly care it's easier to make that conection

Justwandering,

Can you imagine when we start to make prescription commercials?
I would have my famous pink heart there

your absolutely right

I agree too

I've enjoyed the many intelligent remarks that have come in reply since I posted this. In re-reading it now (from a place maybe a few months wiser than I was then) I see that there are a few things I'd like to add or modify.

First, regarding choosing poorly: I asserted that some of the ladies are bad choices. I think, in retrospect, that more often than not the fault is in the client, not the lady. If you come to a woman (as I have) with expectations and try to shoehorn her into that picture, she may not be able to cooperate as much as even she might want. Each girl is unique; it might behoove you to be soft and easy and find out who she is; her response could delight you. It has been my good fortune to meet quite a few ladies at both Moonlite and Love Ranches (though I have only partied with a handful), and every one is fascinating and wonderful in her own way.

But the bigger disaster for you, if you are like me, is not that you will have a disappointing experience, but that you will have a delicious experience and your feelings will slip into that addicted, lovesick place. It can be truly miserable, and it's incredibly sticky. And it doesn't matter if you have a great relationship with your significant other; that's no protection. It can last for months or more, and the whole brothel experience will be more negative than positive for you. If you see her once a month, you'll have one day of delight and 29 of misery every month. If you find yourself here, you need to escape - and that is more easily said than done.

Here's the secret (and I owe my understanding of this to the wise and beautiful Jill Chandler): it has to stay light-hearted. It has to be about sex, fun, adventure, abandon to thrill and delight. If your feelings start getting heavy, you're on the slippery slope. What is heavy-hearted? Jealousy, possessiveness, insecurity, worry, needing reassurance or praise, preoccupation. Don't get me wrong: these are normal feelings and you have nothing to be ashamed of if you feel them; but throw some cold water in your face, you've gotta fight out of them, and the sooner the better, not only for you, but for your relationship with the lady. Jill has helped me with this: she made it clear that, if I wanted a great relationship with her, I had to come at her in a light-hearted way, every moment. So I have learned to do so, and I delight in the consequences. But Jill is extraordinarily wise and mature, and your lady may not know how to help you. So learn it from Jill, through me.

And thank you, Jill, for showing me the path to delight -- and then joining me on it.

Thanks, Kira. You are sweet -- and stunning.

articulate beautiful and well said

both are so sweet.

I think that is some very good insight Marc and I thank you very much for sharing.

Marc, thank you for adding onto your original post. I believe it will help out men who have gone through one or more of these situations and have given up on the ranches for these reasons.

The ranch should be a place where a gentleman like yourself, can grow and build a substantial relationship with a lady as you have been able to do with Jill. Where they can come and escape their usual routine and find that connection. I'm glad you did not throw in the proverbial towel and have found that connection yourself with a very special lady.

This is an interesting post...There are several great point and opinions in this thread!

very well stated and a lot of good info. i still consider myself a novice in my time but we all gotta start somewhere.

Very astute remarks, Ruby - and they stimulate the following thoughts in me:

My original intent in writing this was vague in my mind; something about helping other guys deal with some heartache I'd experienced.

But what you point out is more profound than that. The points being discussed here could be of value, not only to clients, but to the ladies themselves, as their livelihoods depend on developing fulfilling relationships with clients - and some clients might well, as you put it, throw in the proverbial towel for want of being able to deal with the emotional struggle.

Wouldn't it be wonderful if Jill's deep wisdom could, through this discussion, spread through the community and guide all of the ladies (especially the younger ones who haven't yet gained it themselves) in their shaping of their lady-client relationships?

I should make one more thing clear. I more or less implied that Jill snapped her fingers and I saw the light and all has been sweetness and light since. This isn't quite true: I have to occasionally remind myself, when those uncomfortable feelings (jealousy, that primal male possessiveness and competetiveness, anxiety of various kinds) arise, of the need to laugh and keep it light. Jill's gentle but tough love can be depended upon to straighten me out when I need it. Of all the gifts she has given me, I think that is the most valuable - and it carries into other dimensions of my life as well. As she put it to me with a hauntingly beautiful facial expression and a tone I'll always remember: "It needs to be fun. Life's too short. Too short".

For the record Marc I think you pretty well nailed it with your points. I want to clarify something though.

I do believe that it is possible to become close friends with some of the ladies and believe I have. This became especially obvious to me when I became unemployed and went through a real rough patch.

There are a couple of the women here who continued to reach out to me and even now we are in contact on nearly a daily basis. It is something which I've been extremely grateful for because I didn't really have anyone else in my personal life I could talk to or who was being very supportive of my decisions at that time.

Those conversations as you can well imagine, were not always upbeat and light hearted, some of them were pretty forlorn. I really appreciated those two ladies's support through that period and without question it made it much easier for me to weather the storm than it would have been otherwise.

But for that to work, you do have to realize the nature of their work and that you are NOT their one and only lover. Not easy to do but still it can be done under the right circumstances.

The other point I wanted to sort of clarify too in terms of my feelings on it has to do with helping ensure the client ends-up satisfied with the party.

Take this with a grain of salt because when I visit in Feb it will merely be my 2nd visit, so I've yet to have a bad party.

My approach from day one has been to relate some of the lessons I learned while working in customer service departments for 5 years to brothel visits.

While in those positions, I began to realize that the customers who ended-up most happy were the ones who clearly communicated to me what they wanted, then stepped back and let me explain all the different options available which I felt would fit what they were looking for.

That approach worked well for me during my first visit. Long before I arrived I had discussed PRIVATELY AND POLITELY what I was looking for and what my expectations were. I then let her take the lead and plan the party the way she felt would be best.

Because we had good communication and were on the same page with everything, I had an AMAZING time. If I had dictated the specifics and micromanaged the planning, I doubt things would have gone as well as they did. Hell, I think she even had a good time too which added to my enjoyment of the experience even more.

If you don't know what you're looking for, be prepared to be disappointed. Especially if you are new to the ranches, it could take you some time to figure that out. It did for me, both in terms of the party and in terms of the lady I wanted to party with.

However, if you're willing to put some effort into answering those questions, I'm certain you'll find it to be time well spent !!

Being a newbie and soon to be first timer to the ranch I can really appreciate this thread. Marc its pretty awesome of you to post this, I can see where the situations you have been through could be a danger to anyone visiting the brothels. I for one appreciate the forewarning and can't wait to report my first brothel experience.

Well, as it's been your wisdom, passed on by me, that has fueled the whole discussion, I don't think you need to say anything!

Can't wait to see you again.


Mark

Very good point, Mike, and one that I have learned also. Give her a chance and she'll guide you. The best of the ladies are professional entertainers and it's a foolhardy patron who thinks that he can choreograph the dance better than the choreographer. As you say, let her know what you like and then let her lead. Both of you will get so much more out of it than if you insist on driving.

I look forward to hearing about your visit, LARomeo, and I would be pleased if something I've said (or something that has come out of this discussion) enhances your experience and that of your chosen partner.