Well first off let me state that I have never written a review for anything before, not for an ab lounger or a sham wow, not for my juice man juicer or even my wonder hangers. So the fact that I am writing this at all is high praise indeed.

I am pretty new to the message boards. In fact, I only get on here when my friends and I start planning our trips to Reno/Carson City. I'm the one who usually does all the research....which girls will be working, are there any events happening that weekend etc. etc.

So I sit down at my computer, pull up the website and quickly find out that the week we are planning our trip also happens to be the week of the Pogus party. Now, never having attended this event, I didn't know if it was just for message board members or if the ranch was still open to the public. I quickly threw my obsessive compulsive mind into overdrive and started asking as many questions as I possibly could. Luckily, Spartan Dave and Pogus himself (like having an audience with the Pope.....Catholics please don't take offense...it's a joke) responded to my questions and quickly steered me in the direction of Jill Chandler.

They told me she was helping to organize some of the events and if we wanted to get involved, then she was the lady to talk to. I messaged Jill, asking her about the event, what it entailed and how we could get involved in some of the events if we decided that was something we wanted to do. I sent the message off, fully expecting to wait a few days before hearing a response. I got up to get something to drink and when I got back to my desk, much to my surprise I saw I had a message in my inbox. Now for someone who is borderline OCD, I gotta say Jill's punctuality was a major turn on.

Her message was basically about how this was a very busy week but she would do everything she could to help me and my friends out. She would see who was still without lap dance partners etc. This began a correspondence that lasted about 3 weeks. During which time we talked about a variety of things including what I did for a living. When Jill found out I worked in the wine industry, I could literally feel her perk up all the way in Texas.

I told her, that if it wasn't a problem, I would like to bring some wine for her and also some as prizes to give away during the Pogus events. Within ten minutes of sending this, I received a reply complete with requests from Gillian Sloan (by the way Gillian I'm sending the Choya plum wine to you guys on April 7th....make sure you get some)

So March 16th rolls around and my friends and I began our trek to Reno. As we would find out later making it to the promised land isn't always as easy as getting in your buddies truck and driving 3 and a half hours. In fact the consequences can be very dangerous and expensive. Our 1st hurdle was when we reached Auburn and started to see snow on the ground and signs for Chain Control and Snow tires.

My friend assured us his truck was a 4 wheel drive and that his tires were ALL TERRAIN .(NOTE FOR FUTURE REFERENCE THAT ALL TERRAIN DOES NOT NECESSARILY MEAN SNOW TIRES) A fact we realized when we began gliding over the ice like Michelle Kwan on Meth.

After many near mishaps and uncomfortable conversations about who would be eaten first if we were to be stranded at Donner Summit, we arrived at the Peppermill safe and sound. I immediately called Jill to let her know we would be coming in with the wine.

Now I am not usually a person who is nervous or has trouble talking to women or people in general, but after 3 weeks of buildup, I was genuinely on edge about meeting her. We rolled up around 7pm on Wed, (feeling like a douche with a case of wine in my arms).

When we walked in we were immediately greeted by Jill with a nice hug and a kiss on the cheek. She called Isis and Gillian over to meet my friends and we all sat down in the parlor drinking wine and getting to know each other for hours. Never at any time did I feel rushed or like I was being pushed into something I didn't want to do. In fact Jill told me if there was someone else I was interested in she would not be offended if I decided to hang or party with someone else. Being a guy who is all about making a connection with someone before becoming physical, I let her know I was right where I wanted to be.

I also have to give Jill props for her match making abilities. I wasn't sure if Isis and Gillian were right for my boys, but when I finally took a break from talking to Jill, I looked up and saw them both deep in their own conversations, looking like two kids with golden tickets to Willy Wonka's chocolate factory.

We left late that night or early that morning (if i want to be completely accurate) , not having partied, but just enjoying the company of the ladies and the overall vibe of the house. We came back on St Patrick's day where Jill, Isis, me and one of my friends had a few discussions in the VIP room regarding possible outdates and future parties. Again nothing was finalized and no pressure was applied and we just enjoyed the night.

Finally, the night of the Love Ranch Pogus party arrived. Jill had set us up with lap dance partners and was a great hostess. Not just to us , but to everyone in attendance. We just sort of mingled around, meeting all the beautiful ladies (Gillian, Isis, Eva and Wesleigh spring to mind) and all the guys from the message board as well.

We watched all the events and even though I had my lap dance with Wesliegh and Russia cut short by a visit from the police ( no not Sting and those two other clowns, but the actual cops) we were still having a great time. At that point Jill took me over to meet Dennis and Suzette who were both incredibly impressive, down to earth and friendly.... a real pleasure.

Jill then escorted me to her room, now I've never negotiated with a beautiful woman ,clad only in a bikini, and if you had asked me before that day how I would have thought I'd fare, I would have said " A girl in a bikini? Asking me for money? Buddy I'm at the mercy of my glands and knowing myself the way I do...I wouldn't give myself a snowballs chance in hell of coming out of that room with anything but lint in my wallet."

Much to my surprise, that's not how it went at all. In fact it hardly felt like a negotiation. It literally took 20 seconds and felt as natural as something like that can possibly feel. Deciding that I had been imbibing a bit too much that evening, Jill and I decided that making an appointment for the following night would probably be the best idea.

Now the next day was a blur, sitting in the sports book with my friends watching basketball games and running through all the possibilities for that night in my head. I had told Jill I would be there at around 8:30pm because we wanted to stop at the Bunny Ranch for their Pogus party. Now obviously nobody can just stop in at the Bunny Ranch and of course the night got away from us. I looked at the time and realized it was past 9pm. I let Jill know we were running late and she said to have fun and to come by when I was ready. Again, exceeding my expectations.

We finally got to the Love Ranch about 11pm that night and we were greeted by Jill and Isis. I apologized for being an inconsiderate dick and she told me to be quiet and got me a beer. Now, I have already stated that I don't normally get nervous talking to people, but I don't mind telling you, I was on edge that night. My friends could tell because I was very quiet, and normally (as you can tell from this review) I'm pretty wordy. Or as Isis so eloquently phrased it ..." I think your friend is nervous , cause normally he doesn't shut the fuck up".

Anyway, after about 30 minutes at the bar we excused ourselves and went to the back. Now I'm sure anyone who has subjected themselves to this entire review is going to feel like they are being ripped off if I don't include some graphic descriptions of the actual sex. Unfortunately I have decided to keep that aspect of the encounter to myself. Any complaints you may have in this regard can be sent to....P.O. Box it's your own fault for sitting here and reading this whole thing.

What I will say is that my time with Jill more then surpassed my expectations. Nothing about it felt forced or awkward. Now I don't have much brothel experience so I can only compare it to my real world encounters and all I can say is that the Jill Chandler experience has now taken over the #1 position on my spank bank playlist.

I also want to add that even though our truck broke down, we got snowed in an extra day and almost died at least 25 times on the ride home, I have to say it was all more then worth it. Jill, Isis, Gillian and all the other lovely ladies we met, you guys made this the most memorable trip we have ever had. It's one that won't fade quickly. For those of you who actually sat and read this entire thing, I can't offer you those 10 minutes of your life back, but If you are at the Ranches come July, I'll let you punch me in stomach ( not the face) and offer to buy you a drink. Thanks to everybody for the great time.

Rob

Nice review Joey!

It was great meeting you at the Parties!

I thought it was a great read!!! I'm glad you had such a good time and that you survived the bad weather. I think you should go again just so you can write another good story.

Thanks Lucky Lady, I appreciate that and we will definitely be back up there in July.

Let me just say this is one awesome review. One of the best i have read. Glad you had a great time. Jill is one amazing lady I must say.

That is such a great review and thank you for taking the time to write it. I'm fortunate to be able to call Jill and Isis friends since I have known them so long and have gotten to see what wonderful women they are in and out of the ranch. I also want to say what a great time I had hanging out with you guys as well and a thank you for the margerita while I was trying to hone my "MC" skills. lol The wine was delicious and can't wait to try the plum wine. Meeting you guys was one of the highlights of my last trip.

Hey Gillian, It was great meeting you as well, your a real sweetheart. We really dug the pajama chic look you rocked after you were off the clock. By the way Jill said you were feeling under the weather...hope your feeling better and remember if you always take your "tiger's blood" you will be "winning" again in no time.

take care sweetie

Rob

Great review Joey. I can only wholeheartedly agree about Jill and Gillian. I haven't met Isis enough but from comments and how Jill feels about her I can tell that she is also one great lady. I"m glad you had a great time and it was fun to meet you and see your expressions at St. Pogus. You and your friends were in Seventh heaven, and so were the rest of us. Hope to see you at the next Pogus event.

:lol Ah...my pj chic look.. a sight to behold. I am feeling better. Thank you for asking. I was not so great when I came home, but I theraflu'd myslelf and on the mend. Can't wait to see you in July.

nice review,it was nice meeting you and your friends and thanks for the ride to the hotel

Thanks for the kind words. I already have the slap chop (pretty handy little gadget by the way), but if you ever have a pair of Converse that need to be tested out and reviewed....well I'm your guy.

No sweat Bert.......Oh and by the way you were right about the Gold Dust......They do have one kick ass bowling alley.

at least 35 or 40 lanes jill

Your review is excellent and I am sooo glad you enjoyed yourself as much as you did!! I thouroughly enjoyed spending time with you and our lap dance(though cut short *smile)! I am not sure when I will be back though I am thinking around mid-May, but I hope to get to see you again. PM me and i will talk to you some more for I am not sure how often you get on here and check your mail!

xoxo

I was in there. Looks like a bowling night is in order.

Rob you guys were wonderful and I can't wait to see you all again. We had a wonderful time and loved the conversation. You are a great and funny man to be around. Hey waiting to see the new tennis shoes that match,lol. Miss you all tell mmy buddy I miss him to and I better get my wine asap! LOL

Well the wine has already been procured. We will bring it with us on the 16th. Doesn't sound like we will see you guys while we are there so we will just leave on the doorstep like an abandoned child, I'm sure someone will give it a good home. I will also take a polaroid of my new kicks and leave it with the bartender for ya.

Hopefully we will cross paths....if not....there's always July.

Rob

Oh and I was obviously joking about the wine....we will leave it with a trustworthy courtesan of your choosing.

I knew you guys would be back,LOL

joltnjoey this might be the best post ever! it was funny, scary, and titillating all at once. ms jill must have been one lucky lady! poor creature she's only human! good for you guys! one less brothel virgin in the world! god bless joltnjoey, ms jill, and all the ladies at the ranch!

Really nice report

Yeah it certainly didn't suck....Next time we will add a little vanilla to the proceedings...just to stretch my brothel dollar

Sounds like an amazing time. Jill is one special lady!

I am bumping this review ......mainly because I wrote it, and well, let's face it, it's pretty fucking awesome.lol

Oh but not as awesome as my buddy Mr60%....you happy now Jim?

It didn't suck.....that's for sure

Your awesome alright. I'm thinking another trip to the ranch is in order and another review for Ms Jill. So how about Rob errrrrr Joltnjoey

Well if Jill happens to be there I will be happy to have some sex with her and write another Pulitzer worthy masterpiece of a review. Maybe you could entertain us with a review about your time with Miss Isis....you could call it......"Homework and Pretzels....the way to a way woman's heart"...Come on, knock it out Jim...errrr Mr60%.

Well, well, well it appears that I've touched a nerve. It also looks like the gauntlet has been thrown down! Lucky for you I'm on the throne, that's right the crapper because that's what I think of your post. You little hobbit! LOL

You know, Rob has a point, Jim. I mean, err, joltnjoey has a point mr60%.

One of these days POW right in the kisser! LOL

Ahhhh, shaddap!

Got to love texas

Always Willing,

Veronica

i just wanted to bump this cuz its funny!

Did he ever get around to writing that review for the ab lounger?[/quote

Actually, I did. It's a wonderful device. I now wash my clothes using nothing but my abdomen and Mountain Spring Tide, mostly because it's hypoallergenic and doesn't irritate my sensitive skin.

bump

I'm bumping this because I wrote it and quite frankly ....it's an epic master piece that is both poignant and romantic and truly captures the brothel experience....plus it just makes me laugh

it is a classic piece of literature. cut out of the same mold as a dickens or an updike. you are trully amazing my friend. i mean what a true blessing just to know you. right up there with the birth of our savior! we should write poems and songs to your greatness. All Hail Lord Joey

true.............so true

You know what I find really funny? Is the fact that somehow you have more posts then I do...You were fuckin busy on here for awhile huh?lol

Great review! I love Jill!

Such a great review!

You're my lady of choice hehe....

You are obviously a woman of discerning taste who knows a great piece of literature when you read it. What can I say...I am an artist, I do these things not for my own enjoyment but for others......wow....I really am quite a guy.

figuratively not literally

just because this is funny as hell! BUMP

Thank you my friend.....Who knew that I had such wonderful literary talents. Probably our best trip ever bro. Hoping we can up the ante this year but with everything that we did and survived last time we would have to murder a transient or shake down a drug cartel just to equal the adrenaline rush. Finding a homeless guy in Carson City should be a cinch but not sure how to go about swindling a drug overlord out of his stash of yeyo.


Good thing we have a month to plan

Maybe you guys can just settle for hanging out with even more hot ladies than you did last year? If you guys get locked up you won't be around for more visits.

Fine...we will just keep it simple....damn, Mr 60% was really looking forward to offing a drifter...oh well I guess we can just save that for our Vegas trip.

Bumping this in honor of our upcoming trip....brings back some great times....not to mention it's a hell of a read. If you haven't read it you should....cause it's really that good.lol

It's a great review and very entertaining too. I am looking forward to see you guys here this weekend.

bumping a great review for a great lady!

bumping for a great lady!

That sounds like an epically awesome visit! Cool review.

Jill is a great woman! I love rereading this thread. Brings back good memories!