[Okay, I've decided to push my luck and post another two jokes on this thread. And in the back of my mind, I get the feeling Tamela is going to schedule a session in the Dungeon for my continued jokes...]

The first joke: What do a blonde and a computer have in common?

Answer: You don't fully appreciate them until one goes down on you.


The second joke needs a bit of explanation. I also wish to warn you that it's a very BAD pun.

[If you ever look at a non-fiction book from your library, you might notice the Dewey Decimal Number and another code underneath them like the following:

A213B
C309C
C3107D

You're probably wondering what that item is. Well, it's called a Cutter number. The Cutter number is a unique alphanumeric code used by libraries as part of s Dewey Decimal classificatino scheme to arrange books in alphabetical order by the author's last name. The Cutter number got its' name from the person who invented it, Charles Ammi Cutter, a U.S. pioneer librarian.

For example, I have the book, The Making of a Story by Alice LaPlante.

The Dewey decimal number is 808.042 because it's about writing.

The cutter number is L314M. L is the first initial of the author's last name, the 314 is the code for 'Laplante', and the M is for the first word in the title, 'Making'. In this system, articles such as 'a', 'and' or 'the' are completely ignored.'

As for the joke I'm going to tell, it did happen at my job. But the names and participants have been changed to protect certain people.]


One day, there was a blond office assistant, Michelle, who was shelving books in a temporary storage space for a new library that was about to reopen. As she was shelving in the 398's (folklore), she noticed two identical books with the same Dewey Decimal numbers, but different Cutter numbers. Both books were the same edition of 'Puss in Boots', a French fairy tale written by Charles Perrault, but the drawings and text were by another author, Malcolm Arthur

She knew she had to bring these two books to the attention of the cataloger because the company that had done the cataloging had made a mistake. After Michelle brought those two items to Jane, a cataloger she knew well, Jane started to examine both records to see what the problem was.

To Jane's shock, the company that had done the cataloging had put in the wrong record on the first one, then forgot to delete it with the correct record. That wouldn't be so bad if it had just been those two copies. Instead, about 20 copies (spread out among other branches) needed to be corrected.

As Jane began to gripe about this broken record, Michelle said this gem of a line in reply.

"I thought it was just a small problem, not a cat-astrophe!"

[Hey, I said it was bad, didn't I?]

Because Tamela's a cat lover (and to save what little is left of my skin), I've decided to post another pair of blonde jokes.

The first joke --

One day, a brunette was visiting her blonde friend who had acquired some kittens. When she arrived at the blonde's house, the blonde answered the door and showed her the four kittens she had.

The blonde said, "I've given them a middle initial and a name.

The first is A. Logue.

The second is A. Racts.

The third is A. Pult.

and the last is A. Tonic."

"Okay," says the brunette, "those are interesting names. Just what is their first name?"

"Well," the blonde said, "that's easy. All of their first names are Cat."


As for the second joke,

One day, a doctor is enjoying a quiet moment in his office when a hysterical brunette woman arrives and says, "Doctor, I need to see you! It's an emergency!"

"Calm down, Miss," says the doctor. "What seems to be the trouble?"

The brunette says, "Every part of my body aches." The brunette touches her left arm, then says, "Ow!" Then she touches her right leg, then says, "Owie!" Then she touches her forehead and says, "Yeouch!"

The doctor thinks upon this information for a few minutes. Then he says, "You're not really a brunette, are you?"

The brunette's face has a crestfallen look as she hears the question. Then she says, "I'm not. I'm really a blonde. Can you stop the pain that's in my body?"

"Well," the doctor says, "you don't have pain all over your body. Instead, you've just got a sore finger."

Well, Tamela, about my habit of making blonde jokes, I wish to say that because you're a cat lover, you understand that...


nobody's purr-fect.


Okay here's my next joke.

Question: How do you confuse a blonde?
Answer: Ask her to alphabetize a bag of M&M's.
Question: Why does it work?
Answer: Because the blonde will always ask 'Does 3 go before M or W?"

Well, you'll certainly enjoy me then, Tamela. I'm certainly a walking joke... and I'm an idiot ALL of the time.

A blonde goes to the vet with her goldfish. “I think it’s got epilepsy,” she tells the vet.

The vet takes a look and says, “It seems calm enough to me.”

The blonde says, “I haven’t taken it out of the bowl yet.”


Chili

Q: What did the blonde's right leg say to the left leg?


A: Nothing. They've never met

That is bad!

How do you drown a blonde?
Glue a mirror to the bottom of a pool



How does a blonde turn on the lights after making love?
She opens the car door

Presley Monroe hot ass from the Love Ranch N just stopped by my house going to the gym for a workout, she told me a blonde joke

Why did the blonde get excited after finising the jigsaw puzzle in only 6 months A: Because the box said from 2 to 4 year

funny! ck her out presleymonroe@loveranch.net omg hot ass

What do you call a blonde with two brain cells?

Pregnant

Enjoyed all of these blonde jokes....missed one

Why did the blonde get fired from the M&M factory??? She was throwing out the W's

ANYTIME FOR AN APPOINTMENT

Why did the blonde wear condoms on her ears?

So she wouldn't get Hearing Aides.



ANYTIME FOR AN APPOINTMENT

Okay, I know I'm going to be in trouble now.



One day, there was a brunette husband and a blonde wife that had trouble with their marriage. Here's how a typical day went with them...

The husband was watching football on TV when the blonde said, "Hey, honey, do you think you can leave the game so you can mow the lawn?"

"Hey," the husband said, "do you see 'John Deere' written on me?"

"Then could you fix the washing machine?"

"Do I look like the Maytag repairman?"

"Okay," the blonde said, "Then could you do a small thing, just fix the light on in the fridge?"

"Hey, do you see General Electric on my forehead?"

"You useless good for nothing jerk," snarled the blonde. "I don't see why I'm still with you!"

"I'm not going to sit here and take it," the husband retorted back. Putting on his coat and hat, the husband yelled, "I'm going to watch the game at Harry's Bar! Let's see how you like it!"

Four hours later, the husband returns home, expecting his wife to attack him. Instead, she's sitting in the kitchen, humming happily as she's washing dishes while the broken washing machine is doing laundry. He heads to the fridge to get a beer and notices the light is working.

Completely baffled, the husband says, "Just how did you get everything in here fixed? I know you couldn't have done it alone."

"Well," the blonde says, "I remembered our neighbor John was a handyman and telephoned him to come over. When he came over and looked at what needed to be done, he gave me two options. I could make love to him for two hours nonstop or fix him a chocolate turtle cake."

After listening to this, the husband asked, "Well, how did the cake turn out?"

"Hello!" says the blond, "Do you see 'Betty Crocker' written anywhere on my f--ing body?"

Here's a few for you....

Why do blondes wash their hair in the sink?
Because, that's where you're supposed to wash vegetables!

Why didn't the blonde want a window seat on the plane?
She'd just dyed her hair.
OR: She'd just blow dried her hair and she didn't want it blown around too much.

Why should blondes not be given coffee breaks?
It takes too long to retrain them.