Q: What did the egg say to the boiling water?
A: It'll take a while before I get hard again, I just got laid by a chick.

A guy walks into a pharmacy and says to the pharmacist, "Listen, I have three girls coming over tonight. I've never had three girls at once, I need something to keep me horny....keep me potent."

The pharmacist reaches under the counter, unlocks the bottom drawer and takes out a small cardboard box marked with a label, "Viagra Extra Strength" and says, "Here, if you eat this, you'll go nuts for twelve hours."

The guy says, "Gimme three boxes."

The next day, the guy walks into the same pharmacy, limps up to the pharmacist and pulls down his pants.
The pharmacist looks in horror as he notices the man's penis is black and blue, and skin is hanging off in some places.

In a paired voice, the man moans out, "Gimme a bottle of Deep Heat."

The pharmacist replies in horror, "You can't put deep heat on that."

The man replies, "No, it's for my arms, the girls didn't show up."

A man walks into a bar and sees a guy with a really big lighter. He asks the man, “Where did you get such a big lighter?”

The man replies,”See that man playing piano over there? He’s a genie and he’ll grant you one wish.”

So the guy walks over to the genie and says, “I wish for a million bucks.” All of a sudden the room fills up with a million ducks.

The man walks over to the guy with the lighter and says, “That genie is a little hard of hearing isn’t he.”

The guy replies, “No kidding! You think I asked for a 14 inch Bic!”

Q: What did the hurricane say to the coconut palm tree?
A: Hold on to your nuts, this is no ordinary blow job!

Ahaha that was good!

Mom: If a boy touches your b**bs, say “Don’t” and if he touches your pu**y say “Stop”.
Girl: But mom, he touched both so I said “Don’t Stop”.

This joke works best with a small chested woman.

Guy: Hey I got a joke that is so funny your boobs will fall. Oh wait, I see you've already heard it.

Note: Better hope she has a sense of humor about it.

This couple had 4 sons. The first 3 were tall, fair, redheads with blue eyes and the last one was dark, with curly hair, and short. When the man was on his deathbed, he whispered to his wife- "Are you sure that you never cheated on me? Our last son is giving me doubts."

Wife swears that he is his son. Husband dies.

Soon after that, the wife says "Thank goodness he didn't ask about the first three sons."

Roses are red. They're kept in a vase. Not to sound creepy, but I wanna sit on your face.

John woke up one morning immensely aroused so he turned over to his wife’s side of the bed. His wife, Heather, had already awakened though, and she was downstairs preparing breakfast in the kitchen.

Afraid that he might spoil things by getting up, John called his little boy into he room and asked him to take this note to your beautiful mommy. The note read:

The Tent Pole Is Up,
The Canvas Is Spread,
The Hell With Breakfast,
Come Back To Bed.

Heather, grinning, answered the note and then asked her son to take this to your silly daddy. Her note read:

Take The Tent Pole Down,
Put The Canvas Away,
The Monkey Had A Hemorrhage,
No Circus Today.

John read the note and quickly scribbled a reply. Then, he asked his son to take it back to the lady in the kitchen. His note read:

The Tent Pole’s Still Up,
And The Canvas Still Spread,
So Drop What You’re Doing,
And Come Give Me Some Head.

Laughing, Heather answered the note and then asked her son to take this to the poor dude upstairs. Her note read:

I’m Sure That Your Pole’s
The Best In The Land.
But I’m Busy Right Now,
So Do It By Hand.