We all know one of these..u may be one!!

Bipolar Texter

An individual who will suddenly, mid-conversation stop responding to you via text. Or, an individual who has reckless emotional swings through text message.

Jamie: "Hey Steve did you talk to Chelsea last night.
Steve: "Yeah dude shes such a Bipolar Texter"
Jamie: "Yep, she does that to everyone"

Fun Cum


When a man ejaculates in his pants, also known as "jizzing", has an intense surge of hornyness after participating in a non-sexual activity.

(Fu(h)n) (Cu(h)m)

After that game of chess I believe i had a fun cum because of the intense strategy I put in to win.

retard in aluminum foil

What a lady's knight in shining armor becomes when she really gets to know him.

I thought he was my knight in shining armor. Turns out, he was just a retard in aluminum foil!

vajayjay crunch

When a woman's pants are so tight that the actually fabric comes into their vagina; a vaginal wedgie; AKA camel toe.

Man! I was experiencing a total vajayjay crunch yesterday when i squeezed into my little sister's pants.

superstistics

The use of prior evidence of one event to predict the outcome of another unrelated event - from the words superstitious and statistics.

1. Toss a coin and get heads 100 times in a row and use superstistics to conclude that the next toss is more likely to be tails than heads.

2. A well known superstistics conclusion: "The outcome of Washington Redskins home football games has correctly predicted the winner of every U.S. presidential election since 1936."

Perfectionist Paralysis

The inability to start on a project, assignment, essay or any creative task due to the fear of not getting it perfectly right.

Joe: You haven't started writing your paper yet?
Bob: Nope
Joe: Isn't it due tomorrow?
Bob: Yep.
Joe: I thought you went to the library and did your research, made your notes and wrote your outline.
Bob: I've got perfectionist paralysis.

snorfy

Something that just don't make sense.

Dude, that teacher's explanation was snorfy!

microwave mentality

Having the attitude that if something can't be done in 5 minutes or less, it's not worth doing.

Someone's mom: "You know, I just hate how our son never gets his chores done."

Someone's dad: "Yeah it's his microwave mentality. He gets it from you."

fappable

Something that is sexually desirable, or deemed high enough quality that it can be used for masturbation purposes.

Man, that picture is really fappable.

productive procrastination

Doing stuff to keep busy while avoiding what really needs doing. When all is said and done, your room is clean, your laundry is folded -- but you haven't started your English paper.

I should really do my program. But instead, I think it's time for some productive procrastination... Where's the mop??

Words with friends with benefits

When in the course of playing a member of the opposite sex in words with friends. You or they play provocative words as if to drop hints.

Boy played sex for 13 points
Girl played blow for 16 points
Boy played tit for 8 points

Dude, she must be a words with friends with benefits

stfu

Acronym used for the phrase "shut the fuck up" for efficiency reasons.

Please stfu because I am trying to read.

manties


Also known as man panties


Well sir, if your looking for relaxed, boxers; support, briefs; but if you just have to feel pretty i would suggest the manties.

FUCKTARD

This is someone who claims to know a great deal about sex, but once they start talking
you realize they know nothing and yet they don't learn and continue to speak about the topic.


Guy 1: Man you should have seen what that woman did to me last Friday night. She was
licking my balls and sucking my cock it was amazing.
Guy 2: Really so how was the blowjob?
Guy 1: Blowjob? She didn't give me a blowjob, I telling you, she went down on me real nice and slow and she told me I was great.
Guy 2: Dude you're a fucktard.

brainspin

The inability to sleep because of your mind fixating on a thought.

The Lost finale gave me brainspin and I wasn't able to sleep all night.

Lent Trap

In couples where one party is Catholic and the other is not, the unwilling subjection of the non-Catholic to the 40-day ritual of penitence known as Lent.

1. We were going to have dinner at this great new steak place on Friday night, but Joe's got me stuck in a Lent Trap.

2. My wife Jane decided to give up sex for Lent. Worst. Lent Trap. Ever.

workout impostor

One who walks around in workout or gym-like clothing to give the effect that they have worked out or gone to the gym today or are planning to work out or go to the gym today when in reality they have not or are not going to. One usually does this to make oneself feel better about their physique or to seem like they are physically fit when in reality they have done nothing today.

Look at that girl in the nike shorts, under armour shirt and asics sneakers with a pony tail. She is totally a workout impostor. I didn't see her at the track or the gym at all today.

microwait

Consequence of the lunchtime rush for the microwave in corporate settings.

"I'm going to eat lunch early today, to avoid the microwait."

Froday

The day you finally realize you are in desperate need of a haircut

Damn, sug! you need a trim!

Bitch please...Froday was last week but I've been too damn busy!

Irish Aerobics

Euphemism for what happens when you drink too much Guinness, Tullamore Dew, or other Irish whiskey.

"I had too many bloody pints last night and I was up in the loo doing Irish Aerobics all fucking night, oy!"

Here's one my friends always accuse me of

Web-dredge

The act/art of finding obscure and random facts via the internet and knowing how to go looking for such trivial information.

Fred: Hey Mike, did you see Tom go and start web-dredging as soon as we were out of the conference.
Mike: Yeah, it's unreal why he web-dredges on every little thing he hears that he doesn't know about.

beardo

A weirdo with a beard.

In my travels I am constantly on the lookout for strange new beardos.

I can only hope that someday I will attain beardo status.

Concert Hangover

The feeling of grogginess and/or deafness after attending a loud concert.

"Wow, I had a lot of fun at that Boys Like Girls concert last night."
"Me too, but now I have a terrible concert hangover."

pillow lust

That feeling that party people experience where they feel so exhausted that the idea of their face hitting their pillow sounds so utterly fantastic, it's almost sexual.

Oh girl, it's been such a long week. I've got pillow lust, and I've got it bad.

Safe Sexting

The act of using a password or other safety feature to prevent your friends, parents, girlfriends, etc from discovering your assortment of hot or racy pictures on your cell, computer, email or other encrypt-able devices.

Girl : I dunno, should I send john this pic?

Girl two : It's fine, John practices Safe Sexting!

Girl : That's good, no way that this pic will get into the wrong hands if he is Safe Sexting.

Spring Blueballs

What happens in April when you get dosed with some sexy 70-80 degree foreplay. The snow is melted and spring has come at last! But Mother Nature ain't givin it up that easy. Just as soon as you get your shorts out it dumps snow for 2 weeks.

Seems to be common in Montana, The Dakota's and Wyoming.

Some Chick -"I can't believe it's snowing today and it was 75 yesterday."

You- "Yeah, talk about Spring Blueballs."

Message anxiety

Message Anxiety: The act of pausing, freezing up, dreading, or avoiding the viewing of a E-mail, text message, or voice mail that you fear might be bad, negetive, or of major importance for you.
Fretting about any message you recieve of major importance to you.

Hey, Mike I just got a message from that girl I met last night, I have message anxiety about it open it for me.

SKYPERBATION


When you skype with someone and masturbate to them.



Jayla: I skyperbated with Mike last night.

Tamela: Skyperbation is hot!

arresticution: what my son said when he was trying to say arrest and prosecution as separate words, but his mouth got ahead of his brain

celebrity lay

A specific celebrity you and your significant other mutually agreed that it would be okay to have sex with should the two of you ever meet in public and have a one night stand.

My husband won't mind, Dennis Hof is my celebrity lay.

Brand Dropping

Mentioning that you're wearing an expensive brand of clothing, using an expensive piece of technology, or bragging about other items that you own which are of high value. Brand Dropping is similar to name dropping, the main difference is mentioning merchandise in lieu of a person.

Jon: Dude! Watch it, if you spill that drink on my $ 350 Zegna shirt I'm gonna lose it.

Dave: Stop brand dropping Jon. No one cares what kind of shirt that is.

Defensive Eating

Strategically consuming food for the sole purpose of preventing others from getting it.

Matt’s mother-in-law unexpectedly arrived with a delicious dinner immediately after Matt finished a 12-inch sub. In order to prevent his wife from getting the surprise meal, he used defensive eating to consume the additional food.

hipster head bob

A small nod of the head, done repetitively in synchronization with music. Denotes approval of music by the listener. Performed at concerts by concert-goers, or while listening to music by the listener.

Substituted for dancing by hipsters, who are too cool to dance.

Andy: Dude, how was the DFA1979 show?
Brad: Great, except for all the douches doing the hipster head bob. I just wanted to get down!

brain boner

Something that strikes a chord in someone's thinking, creating a spur of "enlightenment" and stimulation in knowledge, especially in subjects like philosophy & logic.

John: Hey, have you seen that recent philosophical discussion between XXX and YYY on YouTube?

Peter: Yeah, it was so good it gave me a brain boner.

Squirmish

A verbal stoush between two or more parties that is so petty, pointless, misinformed or ill-conceived that it makes witnesses wince with embarrassment, or so uncomfortable that they don't know where to look.

Did you hear those two going off at each other across the table? I just don't want to get involved in these squirmishes.

sympathy seeker

A person whose status updates on facebook are solely for the purpose of gaining sympathy. [citation needed]


Johnny is such the sympathy seeker that he would go on Facebook to say that his Pet-Rock died if it would get him sympathy.

Nonversation

A completely worthless conversation, wherein nothing is illuminated, explained or otherwise elaborated upon. Typically occurs at parties, bars or other events where meaningful conversation is nearly impossible.

Smith: What a waste of time it is talking to that guy.

Jones: I know, every time I do, it's like a complete nonversation.

Flirtationship

When two people, who have an obvious interest in each other, flirt non-stop but can't actually get into a relationship due to complicated reasons

girl #1: You know that guy I've been texting, he called me pretty.
girl #2. Aww, that's so cute. Too bad he's 25 and you're 16. I guess its just going to be a flirtationship
girl #1: Yeaahh, shut up!

fauxpology

When a person makes it sound like they are apologizing when, in fact, they are just shifting the blame or using twisted logic to argue their way out of responsibility for their actions.

When George said, "I guess we all just have to accept some of the blame here," I stopped listening because I knew it was just going to be another fauxpology.

Fuck You Tax

A non-discretionary charge or fee placed on orders or purchases from certain companies, frequently ticket retailers and cinemas. The charge never relates to a specific cost incurred by the company and is purely an additional fee to boost profits. So called as the company in question knows the consumer has no option but to pay, so their charging it is the company saying, "Fuck You, Pay it."

£1.50 'Booking fee' on my cinema tickets - that's just a 'Fuck You tax'!

sheenfluence

Under the influence or having been influenced by Charlie Sheen.

His comment may have just a little sheenfluence in there somewhere.

soberchat ]

Having a conversation while not intoxicated. Generally used to postpone the remainder of a conversation until both parties are sober.

Putting off a conversation until everyone involved is capable of making good decisions.

Hey Maria, let's soberchat later, k? I don't want to profess my love for anyone tonight.

fomo

"fear of missing out". The fear that if you miss a party or event you will miss out on something great

Even though he was exhausted, John's fomo got the best of him and he went to the party.

ghost taste

The familiar taste that accompanies a post-meal burp. it's like deja-vu in your mouth.

Yuck, I just caught a straight ghost taste from that barbeque earlier.

ABC Sex

Sex only on Anniversaries, Birthdays and Christmas

They've been married so long they only have abc sex

SHAGNASIUM

The bedroom

" Shall we go into the Shagnasium?"

intaxication

Euphoria at getting a tax refund, which lasts until you realize it was your money to start with.

I love feeling intaxicated!

PERMAWET

Permanently Wet

I swear Tamela is permawet... it turns me on!

screwvenir


Anything that you keep (whether stolen or given to you) from someone's house after you've slept with them.

Laura didn't really like doing it with Chip so much, but she did nab a copy of Time Magazine with Mick Jagger on it from his house as a screwvenir.

friend high

The pleasant "high" feeling one acquires around close friends, often compared to being on some sort of drug. Accompanied by lots of laughing, stupidity, excitement, good conversation, and loud obnoxiousness, ie the act of getting "high" off another's good friendship vibes.

Often considered a replacement for drugs and alcohol, though not heavily supported.

1. "Let's hotbox this room with our friendship!"
2. "Watch the dosage on THAT friendship, Carlos..."
3. "Lets get friend high tonight"

Googleheimer's

The condition where you think of something you want to Google, but by the time you get to your computer, you have forgotten what it was. Very prevalent in the 420 community.

I've got Googleheimer's so bad that between the garage and the office, I forgot what I was going to look up.

Killing two pigs with one bird

A modern version of the popular saying "killing two birds with one stone." derived from the popular video game "angry birds."

I was killing two pigs with one bird by eating lunch and playing angry birds at the same time.

computer-face


v. to squint and kind of frown as you look at your computer to give the illusion that you are in fact very busy analyzing something vital to your work; often used in conjunction with paper-shuffling and calling numbers that you know won't answer then acting really frustrated when you hang-up so that it gives the impression your chasing a very important account and have a lot on your plate already

After I computer-faced facebook for an hour this morning, I called a random number and talked to an older gentleman for 27 minutes about the prospect of leasing his mineral rights until he realized he didn't own any mineral rights, so I hung-up and went back to computer-facing a New York Times article about fashion week.

Pooformance Anxiety

Anxiety concerning the act of defecation, most often related to pooping in public restrooms.

I was at the game and I waited in line for a stall forever, but when I finally got in there I got pooformance anxiety and I couldn't poop.

tubswizzle

To slide oneself back and forth in the bathtub in order to mix the extremely hot water with the cooler water.


schload


A large quanilty, a lot. a poopoo.

"I have a schload of homework to do"

AIRDIRT

A hanging plant that has been ignored for 3 weeks or more!

Backseat Browser

Anyone who sits behind a someone who is browsing the Internet while continuously instructing them on what to click on or what to type into the address/search bar. Most appropriately applied when the advice or commands are unsolicited and/or unwarranted.

Matt grew increasingly frustrated with Patrick, acting as a Backseat Browser, when he wouldn't stop telling Matt what links he should click on next.

thumbulate

To lean forward while pressing the buttons on the remote hoping that the extra inch will make the remote control work better.



Cinemuck

The sticky substance on the floor of movie theaters.

Camouflush

The unnecessary flushing of a public restroom toliet to mask embarrassing bodily sounds.




Cell- Hell

The place where a cell phone turns one's calls off to bad reception. Such places include tunnels, overpasses, and the Mc Donald's drive thru.

screen saver

The blank expression that comes across a persons face when day dreaming.
dude, check out dave day dreaming, he looks miles away

Yeah I know, she has her screen saver on!

Geekgasm


A feeling of intense pleasure that occurs as a result of a nerdy experience.

Panyho

One of the legs in a pair of panty hose.



peanutbutturulance

Any uncontrollable urge to dive into the smooth surface of a freshly opened jar of peanut butter.

cold finger

Similar to cold shoulder, except a cold finger is done by ignoring someone's text or facebook message--usually when said person's comment is pointless or uncalled for.

FB status: "Man, I just got called into work for another 16 hour weekend shift."

Tool: "Lol, I never work weekends lol"

*cold finger/friend removal is appropriate here

Hygienevangelist

One who tries to clean your teeth and save your soul simultaneously.



Faxole

One who gets a new fax machine and insists on sending faxes to any friend with a fax machine.

KuKuCok

A rooster that has gone bezerk, and goes around pecking at everything.





VDay

Virtual Friday, Which occurs when one's last day of work for the week is not on Friday.

parade wave

A slight hand gesture used to wave for prolonged periods of time (like during a parade)or as a casual non-verbal greeting to friends. With the arm bent at the elbow, the waver turns their wrist back and forth exposing the front and then the back of the hand in a single motion.

I didn't feel like talking so I gave her a quick parade wave as I walked by

Braggadouche

noun. A braggart, but one without the credibility to back up his or her claims. A braggadocio. Lame boasting.

Mike thinks he's badass because he took home the ugly chick at the bar. What a braggadouche.

nuker

Contemporary kitchen appliance that heats food by exposing water molecules to a constant beam of radiation. Newer models radiate all the molecules in food. Men's second best friend: the Microwave oven.

Frozen Burritos? Pop 'em in the nuker!

GOOGER

The small amount of pus found in one's eye after you wake up!

buysexual

Someone who gets turned on by, or derives sexual pleasure from, shopping, or being taken shopping.

Taneequah: Yo, Shaneequah ain't gettin' none, so she went out to the mall and picked up 23 new outfits and a X-Box.

Sharonda: You trippin'. That bitch be buysexual all up in herrrrrrre.

typeless

The state of being so astounded that one cannot type; writing equivalent of speechless

Wow, that story in your email message left me typeless!

Twitter-bater

someone who goes through their twitter account looking for sexual inspiration for masturbating.

bumper sticker

A tattoo on one's lower back. More often a procedure women have done.

Just like traditional bumper stickers, they provide something to look at or read while standing behind them.

misinfotainment

A class of media propaganda where entertainment combined with journalism developed for 24-hour television news networks is designed to instill emotional responses from viewers instead of providing facts.

That wasn't news, it was misinfotainment.

Rendezbooze

When a group of people (friends, co-workers, acquaintances) get together to drink.

I just bought a bottle of gin and have tonic at home, we should rendezbooze at your place for further discussion on the topic.....

tickle jig

The jerky wincing dance that one (especially a child) does when expecting to or are being tickled.

REBOOTILENCE



An uncomfortable amount of time one has to wait while rebooting their computer.

Conversation Stopper
This is the opposite of the conversation starter, or friend who just jabbers on. This is the person in the group who just says "yep" or "I don't know" and suddenly the conversation hits a speed bump and thus has to have someone else start it back up.

Tom: So wasn't it incredible the way Dallas was just hitting three's and then Bynum went off and lost his mind.
Barry: Yeah. <uncomfortable silence follows and Barry goes for beers>
Greg: So how do you think the Heat are going to do against the Celtics?
Tom: Thanks Greg, Barry's such a conversation stopper.

carbon soldiers

Slang term for children, kids, offspring and rugrats.
I don't have any little carbon soldiers yet but maybe in the not so future.

"Yes he is my little carbon soldier."

HOXY

Something or someone that is both hot and sexy.


Tamela is extremely HOXY!!!!!!!!!!!!

nutless

Not in posession of ones male reproductive organs. This does not include the penis as it is merely a delivery device.

After Brads bull riding accident, he became nutless.

One-Click

Any person who in one fashion or another thinks that the next thing they come across will be better or will be the destination.

After visiting 3 bars the guys looked at Gary and said "Enough One-Click, we're staying here unless you want to pay for gas."

scadaddle

To get out of my face, go annoy someone else.

When a grenade is talking and being annoying you give her the *hand/ finger movement* and say "ugh scadaddle"!

webinar

Online web meeting or seminar.



dairyair


The smell emitted from a cow farm.

Bitch Hog

A new girlfriend of a friend or co-worker who is particularly nasty in temper or generaly un-agreeable.

You invited that bitch hog?! Damn it Mike!

SNAG

Refers usually to a woman as a way of pointing out she's overly self-absorbed, bossy and a royal pain in the a$$ that holds you back from things because she's isn't the center of attention.
Instead of using the "b" or "c" word this can be used in public without attracting attention to the conversation.

Dude, your girl is a snag, who would say take them shopping when it's game 5 of the finals?

flexting

(v.) To text so extensively and in such a manner that it is flirting.

JAYLA put down your phone and stop flexting