My formative sexuality was forged after the “free love” movement changed the rules of romantic engagement. Some people say, “You can’t miss what you never had.” In a way, that’s true. We accept the world as it’s presented to us without too much questioning. The world presented to me encouraged sexual experimentation and shunned the “uptight”. Numerous boys skipped the whole dinner and a movie starter dates and went straight to a flask of booze and “This spot looks like a good place to park.” When I committed to marriage, my fiancé gave me an ultimatum; I had to take other partners and bring women into our bed, before he would sign on the dotted line. He explained, “I am emotionally monogamous but sexually plural.” So cutting edge! From that point on, I was an active swinger and was routinely expected to be his pussy-bait or “take it for the team” when there was a woman he wanted to fuck. I became cynical about men and sexually jaded. Copulation became perfunctory. I’m positive that, because of my perceptions, I was a terrible lover.
Flash forward to my decision to work in a brothel. I’d seen made for TV shows depicting heartless businessmen preying on sobbing teenagers. I’d seen news stories about politicians & ministers losing their careers over encounters with street walkers. I’d seen movies depicting prostitutes as low functioning victims of society. The few times I saw women depicted in art as successful sex workers, they also were sociopaths & criminals. I really had no idea what a brothel would be like but I faintly imagined it was something like a dairy, only full of men, & it would be my job to milk them, one after the other after the other….into infinity.
The reality was so much sweeter than anything I could even imagine. First, the line-up. What looks impersonal to a lot of men is a sweet compliment to a woman. He is paying so he absolutely gets what he wants. He has all these ladies to choose from, and he chooses ME. Even when we didn’t come to an agreement, the fact that I was favorited was a slow working aphrodisiac that stayed with me. The negotiations were terrifying at first. In swinging, there is an undercurrent of social manipulation as a man pretends to be interested in you in hopes you’ll decide to bed him. In the brothel, it’s all upfront. He comes right out and says what his fantasies are and I accept or reject that. I come right out and tell him the value I put on myself and that experience. He comes right out and accepts or rejects that. When we come to an agreement that works for us both, there is no pretense. And the fact that this man treasured an experience with me so much that he made such a generous offering is irresistibly charming…and yes, romantic. That was the thing I’d missed out on my entire life. The ritual of making an offering to a lady you are sweet on. The ritual of a lady accepting those gifts & picking and choosing suitors. When that happened it cracked me open and the hardness fell away. The image I had of men and their motivations was changed forever. They were not sexually predatorily Neanderthals, capable of only thinking with their “little heads”. They were boys in grown up bodies. Boys who needed love and comfort, who needed the balance of a woman in their life, and who were starving for TLC and intimate attention. In spite of mass media’s constant depiction of men as being more shallow than women, I’ve actually concluded that they are (on the whole) the most romantic & sensitive of the sexes.
It’s actually pretty easy to physically stimulate a man to orgasm. Women are more complicated, and I was no exception. The testosterone level in most men creates a lot of their foreplay via a constant stream of sexual thoughts. The opposite is true for women who tend to have brains more prone to overthinking. We are vulnerable to pleasure inhibiting thoughts and beliefs. The body may be willing but the female brain can be a relentless cock blocker. That’s when the second brothel epiphany freed my mind so I could become multi-orgasmic.
Remember that milking machine expectation I had? Well imagine my surprise when I learned that over 90% of the men who chose to be with me, and who were paying to get whatever gave them pleasure, wanted MY pleasure over their own. I could not have believed any man from the swinger lifestyle who said that. I would assume it was a line to get me into bed. But THESE men were paying for what they wanted. There were no games being played, and no ruses. THESE men I believed, as one after the other made themselves vulnerable in my arms and got “helper’s highs” every time they evoked a storm of pleasure from me. My cynicism about men evaporated and my cock blocking mind got out of my body’s way. It became easy for me to trust, to let myself go, & to enjoy the ministrations of my lovers. Because I didn’t have to struggle against interfering thoughts, I was able to cum more easily & often. Those orgasms have powered my transformation. Copulation has evolved to lovemaking and my interactions are almost always instantly intimate now. My experiences working in a brothel have truly been life expanding.